Are you being 'good' or being real?
Are you being 'good' or being real?
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If you are anything like me, you are sensitive and receptive to the energies of people around you like a light switch you can't turn off. You feel the atmosphere in the room and the impact that others have on you and vice versa.
This makes you an expert in knowing how to adjust and how to 'good' for others. But when your tendency to be nice and good becomes a mask to hide behind you gradually start to suffer.. a lot! Your authentic realness is suffocated under a layer of emotions that do not get the space to complete their natural cycles. This creates an inner pressure chamber that makes us wonder why we are continuously restless, anxious, self-critical, or even in 'mysterious' physical pain.
It is my greatest honor to help you unravel the masks and burdens that you have outgrown. It is time to take up the full space that is meant for you. Let's give that inner critic a well-deserved rest and help your body experience that the quickest way to feel safe is actually to be real.
" If I could grant you a wish it would be that you never have to look to another person to make sure that it is okay to be yourself."
- Scott Kiloby
The 'good' person patterns
The 'good' person patterns
Which patterns of being 'nice and good' do you perform when being around others?
Please and appease others to avoid judgments about you
Giving others an easy time, not rocking the boat
Working hard to avoid mistakes
Being strict and unforgiving towards yourself
Downplaying your preferences
Weak or absent boundaries
Asking for nothing or very little
Holding back your no
Hiding irritation or anger
Neglecting what you need
Striving to give others what they want or need from you
“Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves. This is the heart of clarity.”
- Matt Kahn
How the body and mind suffer
How the body and mind suffer
Chronic bodily tension. Muscular holding patterns might tighten and seem hard to relax. For example in your neck, shoulders, or back.
Chronic pain. It is very common for unresolved emotional friction to convert to real and prolonged physical pain without apparent physical cause.
Self-doubt. When your authenticity is buried underneath layers of pain you lose a foundational sense of trust.
Anxiety. Pend-up inner pressure almost always leads to a sense of restlessness and agitation. There is an undercurrent of fear and overwhelm that just can't seem to settle.
A racing mind. Like an alarm bell, the mind will start to ruminate faster to try and compensate for the sense of unsafety underneath.
Depression. A prolonged state of struggle might bring a perspective of hopelessness and losing touch with who you really are.
Sleep disturbances. Like an inner watchdog who is awake throughout the night, sleep patterns get disrupted when the nervous system is in a state of arousal and alert.
Fatigue. It costs a lot of energy to inwardly manage all the feelings, symptoms, and expressions that were never meant to be 'under control'.
So how do we free the one behind the mask?
So how do we free the one behind the mask?
First of all: by recognizing that your authenticity was never lost, only hidden by patterns that attempted to shield you from harm and keep you safe.
Second: by somatically processing the patterns and emotions that feel heavy or difficult to change. This is where we use some modalities to facilitate the body and mind in unraveling any story, tension, and charge that is ready to be heard, seen, and transmuted.
Third: by relating to yourself and others from the truth of your being rather than seeing yourself as an object to control. This essential shift will nurture you on deeper levels and support you to express yourself even more freely and fully.
The nervous system at ease
The nervous system at ease
The polyvagal theory tells us that the nervous system uses a smart system of adaptive behavioral responses when it comes to social connectedness and navigating danger. Many people are familiar with the bodily response to fight, flight, and freeze. But a fourth and less common safety mechanism for staying safe is fawning.
Fawning is a trauma response where you respond to people in a way that opposes your truth and appeases them instead.
“Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others.” - Pete Walker
Authenticity is the reverse response of fawning and a strong visceral cue for safety and connectedness. It communicates to your nervous system that you are okay. Often there is an initial barrier to move through which feels scary and vulnerable. Research has shown that when people feel more authentic in a particular situation, they exhibit lower stress, anxiety, and depression.
"If you want a quick way to be happy, just let yourself embrace your imperfection for a moment."
- Adyashanti
My Modalities
My Modalities
Somatic Inquiry
This is an in-depth and guided form of inquiry where we use inward questions that allow the body to 'speak' and respond. Somatic Inquiry is a very nurturing way of meeting and releasing tension patterns in the body and mind. It is an excellent combination with any of the other modalities, helping the process to go that much deeper.
TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises)
In this modality, we use some bodily postures that evoke a deep tissue tremor throughout the body. This neurogenic tremor operates all by itself (autonomic) and has a deeply regulating effect on the nervous system. Many people are surprised to feel the effect so viscerally. More than just releasing tension, there is also a thorough rewiring and rebalancing of the structures that are foundational to our physical and emotional well-being.
SSP (Safe & Sound Protocol)
This modality is a 'filtered sound' intervention that reaches the nervous system directly via the inner ear muscles. It was developed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges and has a profoundly regulating effect on the core brain circuits that help us perceive safety, feel connected, and to help filter information better.
Waking up out of the dream of self - deficiency
Waking up out of the dream of self - deficiency
Almost all clients that I worked with struggled with an underlying sense that there is something wrong or lacking about them that they need to compensate for. This is a very common illusion held in place by a body and mind that is overwhelmed and under-nurtured. With the deepening of inner clarity, you are meeting yourself through the layers where stories of self-deficiency fall away like waking up out of a bad dream.
What does a session look like?
What does a session look like?
Orientation:
We start by looking at your current situation, how you feel, and what is at play in your life.
Depth work:
Then we take 40-50 minutes to go in-depth and address the deeper layers. We might use 1 or 2 of the modalities to facilitate this process, depending on what serves you most.
This is the part where energetics might feel quite strong. It is temporary and will subside.
Integration:
Afterwards we offer the body and mind an integration moment. This can look like mindful silence or sharing your experience.
We take a moment for questions.
There might be suggestions or exercises for at-home.
Interested in knowing more
Interested in knowing more
"Letting yourself be who you are can be a rebellious act in a world that requests a constant performance.
What I’d wish for everyone is to come home to their own loving permission."
- Barbara Linde
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