Love

Ahhhhh, love.

Aspies often have lots of problems with love.

We are usually shy, and have been locked out of a social hierarchy that we simply don't understand. We're "uber-nerds". We have no clue how to flirt, nor even recognize it when someone is flirting with us. Sometimes, we'll be recognized as "quirky", or "aloof", and thus interesting to a neurotypical who desperately needs an emotionally unavailable partner. In reality, the Aspie is often simply dying with loneliness, and will respond enthusiastically to almost any attention!

Once we manage to get past the flirting stage and actualy into a relationship, we're usually fairly clueless, especially with someone who's "neurotypical". A big challenge comes from missing out on the emotional signals that romantic partners are sending us -- with body language, voice tone, etc. The partner thinks that with love comes an ability to recognize these signals as the relationship deepens, and often the Aspie's ability to recognize the symbols doesn't change at all. This leads to anger and confusion and conflict, as the neurotypical keeps sending signals the Aspie doesn't respond to, making the neurotypical think the Aspie is self-centered, egotistical, aloof and/or arrogant.

When asked by the partner if the feelings have changed, an Aspie will of course answer quite truthfully, "What? Of course not. I've loved you since the moment I first saw you. In fact, let's get married right now!"

Romantic conflicts leave the Aspie completely bewildered, often asking themselves, "What just happened?" because, for the Aspie, there was no reason for the conflict in the first place! Sometimes a romantic conflict can lead to a meltdown. Unless the partner is especially understanding, that's often the end of the relationship because from the neurotypicals perspective, the Aspie partner behaved in an unacceptable manner for an adult human being.