Mistakes White Allies Make
Reflecting on Your Role as a White Anti-Racist
Am I a Bad White Ally?
As White folks, we like to think about what Robin DiAngelo, in "White Fragility" describes as the "racist=bad binary." Essentially, we like to believe that there are good, not racist people and then there are bad, racist people. There is no room for in-between, and not-racist is the end of the spectrum instead of actively anti-racist.
Unfortunately, that in-between space is where many of us fall a lot of the time. Moreover, as Ibram X. Kendi points out in "How to Be Antiracist," most people are not flat-out racist or anti-racist, each of their actions fall within one of those categories. We all exist on a spectrum and our place on it fluctuates from day-to-day, moment-to-moment. In "Race Talks and the Conspiracy of Silence," Derald Wing Sue explores that spectrum for White Folks specifically, explaining how anti-racist awareness develops in phases. If you find the below information helpful, this text is a helpful companion to this post.
As we take that journey, though, we are going to make mistakes. I cannot tell you it is okay you make these mistakes; they are harmful. But I can tell you that you can come back from and correct mistakes. The most important part is that you view yourself critically, honestly, and practice genuine reflection consistently. You must be ready to own your mistakes, apologize for them, and improve.
Below I will describe a variety of mistakes White people make when trying to become anti-racist and attempting to practice allyship. Know that I have been each of these white people at some point in my life, and that I occasionally dip back into these behaviors if I'm not being reflective enough. Also know that after over a decade of this work on myself, it is still work, and it will always be work. What matters is that we do the work.
The White Ally Spectrum
The Devil's Advocate
This White person loves a debate and finds arguing exciting and productive. Likely, they argue on controversial topics regularly and see it as a way to challenge their own thinking. They might tell themselves, "I don't believe this, but I think we should explore all the possibilities." Often, this behavior is driven by the cognitive dissonance between their own experiences and beliefs, and the reality of racism they are first encountering.
Why It's Damaging
Devil's Advocates pull focus away from the issue at hand. They invalidate the experiences of Black people by questioning the weight race has in every interaction. They put the burden on Black people to defend and prove their experiences, all under the guise of scholarship. Instead of struggling with the discomfort of trying to understand the racism they have not previously noticed, they externalize this struggle by making others uncomfortable, especially BIPOC.
Two ways the Devil's Advocate appears:
They bait others into a debate by questioning whether racism is at the core of an action or event. They might ask Black people how they KNOW a White person's action was based on race and not on some other factor.
They might acknowledge that racism is a problem, but also point out that there are many other factors that contribute, like classism. They also might suggest the existence of "reverse racism."
Avoiding Being the Devil's Advocate
Remember that just because you do not notice or experience racism yourself, it still very much exists. You are privileged not to have to question whether every uncomfortable, tense, or negative interaction you have with others is because of the color of your skin. Do not ask Black people and people of color to explain how they know an interaction was racist; they know from a lifetime of these experiences. Educate yourself.
An Important Read for the Devil's Advocate: I'm Done Debating Racism with the Devil by Maya Rupert or Understanding White Privilege by Francis E. Kendall, Ph.D.
The Guilt Tripper
This White person definitely recognizes that racism is alive and well in America. However, they are struggling too much with their own feelings of guilt to be supportive to the Black community. The Guilt Tripper has begun reflecting on their privilege and is appalled to find that they have (at the very least) been complicit in and benefitted from systemic racism. They are constantly worried about their own discomfort and fear making more mistakes.
Why It's Damaging
When you make the racism conversation about your feelings you center the narrative around White lives and experiences instead of Black lives and experiences. The whole point of anti-racism is re-orienting the focus of America away from favoring the viewpoint, feelings, and experiences of white folks as standard.
Two ways the Guilt Tripper appears:
They talk to BIPOC friends about their guilt. They frequently share their own feelings of sadness, anger, and guilt at how upsetting racism is. They remind people of times when they have been "not racist."
They center the conversation around themselves. They do this by comparing the pain of racism to other hurt they have experiences. They do this by asking for forgiveness or lamenting mistakes they have made.
Avoiding Being the Guilt Tripper
Do not talk to your BIPOC friends about your guilt; your discomfort pales in comparison to the discomfort they feel in White spaces all the time and is irrelevant to the work they are doing now. Do not say "I'm sorry that this is happening to you." They do not need to comfort you or remind you that you're making the right moves. Discuss your White guilt with other White folks doing the work. A person can have three responses to guilt: they can either rationalize their behaviors, dwell on their disappointment in those behaviors, or change them. Work on changing them by looking at your actions and questioning their impact.
An Important Read for the Guilt Tripper: 4 Ways White People Can Process Their Emotions Without Hijacking the Conversation on Racial Justice by Jennifer Loubriel
The Field Researcher
This White person wants to be educated, not to self-educate. The Field Researcher puts the burden of their anti-racist education on BIPOC rather than taking ownership of that work themselves. They often treat Black friends as objects of study and are sometimes guilty of cultural appropriation because they see adopting someone's cultural signifiers as a way to understand them.
Why It's Damaging
Black people, Indigenous people, and people of color are tired. They have spent their lives trying to justify their existence and do not need the burden of educating White folks. BIPOC writers and artists have created libraries of information and opportunities for White people to do the work, so there is no need to put that on the individuals fighting for their lives every day.
Two ways the Field Researcher appears:
They ask their Black friends and peers to help them understand racism. They inquire about their experiences with racism, pressure them to share opinions when they haven't chosen to, and ask them to provide resources and examples without regard for the impact on their well-being.
They ask their Black friends and peers what to do in order to help. They put the burden of effort onto others despite the wealth of information available to read, watch, or listen to in order to learn these things.
Avoiding Being the Field Researcher
Do the work yourself. The materials are already available for you to probe, but the onus of doing the work is on you as a White person. It is our job, as White people, to find our own paths to dismantle racism. Do not ask your Black friends to tell you about their experiences with racism or to gather materials for them. They have much more important work to do than do your portion of the group project.
An Important Read for the Field Researcher: Welcome to the Anti-Racism Movement--Here's What You've Missed by Ijeoma Oluo
The Optical Ally
This White person wants everyone to know how much they stand with the cause, just in case anyone thought they were part of the problem. The Optical Ally performs allyship rather than living it. They take actions that are highly public on the premise that they are showing their solidarity. However, their action is more driven by concern for their image as a White person than for the actual value of Black lives.
Why It's Damaging
The Optical Ally appears to be doing good for the cause in the moment, but they are not going to have an impact on the longterm social and political change if they don't genuinely engage. They feel good doing what they are doing, but their work still centers around White voices, by amplifying their own participation as important. They shirk accountability by hiding behind performative actions.
Two ways the Optical Ally appears:
They post all day on social media during a crisis to demonstrate their wokeness, but often fail to take action when it counts. They are not backing up their posts with daily action to disrupt racism. They are not doing the work to educate themselves. They also may not be aware of which posts and voices are damaging to the safety and optics of the movement.
They announce their allyship regularly by mentioning their donations, protest attendance, or telling stories of how they are participating in the movement. Their participation likely fluctuates with the popularity of the cause.
Avoiding Being the Optical Ally
Hold yourself accountable for living what you are performing. Ask yourself if you would still take this action if no one knew you were doing it. For every public moment of allyship you have, back it up with 5 private acts that help the cause. Do not seek validation from your Black friends and friends of color. They do not need your performance, they need your support.
An Important Read for the Optical Ally: Ten Steps to Non-Optical Allyship by Mireille Cassandra Harper or Performative Allyship Is Deadly (Here’s What to Do Instead) by Holiday Phillips
The White Savior
This White person believes they are rescuing Black people and people of color from oppression. Instead of understanding that their privilege allows them to take actions to redistribute power in our society, they see the power in their privilege as superiority. When speaking about Black communities, they focus on pain and suffering, and fail to celebrate Black voices, Black life, and Black joy. They credit themselves (and other White people) with the success of BIPOC people, communities, and movements
Why It's Damaging
Remember that slave traders stole actual humans from their homelands under the belief that they were rescuing them from their inferior ways. When you center yourself as a savior, you reinforce the narrative that BIPOC are lesser human beings, incapable of taking care of themselves. You encourage the racist belief that BIPOC are less intelligent, less capable, and more helpless than White people. You are simply remixing White supremacy, telling yet another story where White people are the hero.
Two ways the White Savior appears:
They focus strictly on the negatives of Black communities, believing that racism creates a binary of happy, privileged White people and poor, miserable Black people. They relish in narratives that center around Black pain, insisting this story be told again and again. They use other White people's guilt to encourage their participation.
They hyperbolize and commend their (and other White people's) contribution to the movement over Black voices. They may repeat stories of ways White people have "shown up" for anti-racism, but may be ignorant to the stellar Black leadership driving social change.
Avoiding Being the White Savior
Check your privilege: your success, your power, and your station in life are all (at least in part) a result of systemic racism providing you with opportunities, not your superior existence . Remember that Black excellence exists and thrives despite Whiteness, not because of it. When you contribute to anti-racism, it must come from a genuine belief in the equal humanity of BIPOC, not from pity or superiority. Do not credit yourself for the success of individuals of color (teachers, especially, beware of this) or the success of the movement. White people are not fixing racism, we are attempting to counteract centuries of our own damaging behavior.
An Important Read for the White Savior: How to Be an Advocate Without Perpetuating the White Savior Complex" from No White Saviors
The "Good" White Person
This White person (a phenomenon I first saw from Brit Bennett in 2014) has all the right intentions, and they need you to know that. They self-congratulate for supporting anti-racism and want the praise of others for doing what should be considered basic humanity. They seek immediate forgiveness for their mistakes and need acknowledgment of their good intentions, even when the impact does not match.
Why It's Damaging
While it's easy to recognize outward racist behavior, the "Good" White Person is hard to call out because they appear, on the surface, to be doing good. But focusing the conversation on intentions rather than impact excuses racist behavior. Asking for congratulations for anti-racist behaviors negates the goal of dismantling White supremacy by refocusing the movement on singular actions rather than sustainable social change.
Two ways the "Good" White Person appears:
When they (or another White person) does something harmful or racist, they remind others that "they meant well" or of other examples that demonstrate good morality from the accused. They often center themselves in their apologies, looking for validation that they are still good, even when they do bad.
They acknowledge their privilege in a self-aggrandizing way ("See how good I am that I recognize my privilege?"), but do not follow that up with actions to dismantle that privilege or use it for good. They often expect congratulations from both their White peers and their BIPOC peers for doing the right thing.
Avoiding Being the "Good" White Person
Remind yourself that anti-racist work is a lifelong commitment to reprogramming your own socialization, reorienting the American narrative to represent non-White voices and experiences, and dismantling the deep pervasiveness of White supremacy. Remember that is not enough to simply be "good." White people need to constantly be aiming for better. Do not explain your intentions when you apologize and do not excuse the mistakes of well-meaning white people. Few people do things intending to be harmful; we all rationalize our behaviors by telling ourselves our intentions are good. Do not ask for congratulations for doing anti-racist work. The whole point of dismantling racism is to take you out of the center of things.
An Important Read for the "Good" White Person: I Don't Know What to Do With Good White People by Brit Bennett
So How Can You Be a Real Ally?
Remember that anti-racist work is never done. You never get certified, you never graduate, and you certainly don't get an award for doing it. You must commit to this work for life.
Be willing to make mistakes. There's a lot of failure to get this stuff right, but you can always apologize and grow.
The only way to be a good White ally is to keep striving for better. Reflect on your behavior and attitudes constantly. Check your privilege regularly. Read, watch, listen, and learn every day.
Use your privilege to talk to other White people about race. As you do the work, talk to other White people who are doing the work. Keep the onus to grow and improve on White folks.
Choose anti-racism every day. Anti-racism is active, not reactive or passive, so you have to make the choice to keep doing it every morning when you wake up.
Keep black voices, experiences, feelings, and narratives at the forefront of your work. This movement is about BIPOC, not about White folks. White people have to step up FOR and BESIDE black people, never in front of them.
If you're ready to do the work and take action, check out Help! I Want to DO Something!