Addressing Discomfort in Discussing Race

Consider Your Discomfort

What is your biggest fear when discussing race? What are you more fearful of when discussing with people of other races?

These are important questions to explore before you start the conversation about race. You need to understand your discomfort to respond to it.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance

Artist, poet, writer, musician, filmmaker, and activist Toussaint Morrison, discusses what White folks need to consider about their discomfort when entering conversations about White supremacy and racism. He discusses cognitive dissonance: the discomfort experienced when two beliefs conflict within a single mind.

Questioning Your Discomfort

When you begin to feel discomfort in a conversation about race, you can ask yourself:

  • What is behind my discomfort?

      • Am I afraid that I will look unknowledgeable or uneducated?

      • Am I afraid that my authority or respect might be damaged?

      • Do I feel guilty?

      • Do I worry that people will think I am a bad person?

      • Do I worry that I am being blamed for something?

      • Do I worry that someone will think I haven't earned what I have?

      • Am I afraid that I might say something wrong or hurtful?

Responding to Your Discomfort

Here are some strategies we can use to work through discomfort:

  • Write about where your discomfort comes from and reflect deeply on the experiences and beliefs that inform that discomfort.

  • Educate yourself! Read (or watch) more about White privilege to understand where your discomfort comes from. I would suggest starting with Robin DiAngelo's books or watch Daryl Wing Sue's talk on Race Talk and the Conspiracy of Silence (or check out the book). If you can, buy from a Black owned bookstore!

  • When talking about race, speak from your experience. Begin sentences with "As a White woman..." or "As a White man..." to identify where your understanding is coming from. Avoid playing the White savior by believing you know what is best for other races.

  • Question your own beliefs about race. If you said yes to the questions above, share that discomfort with other White folks working through similar issues. (Be sure you don't put the burden of working through that on your friends of color.)

  • Have conversations in environments where you feel safe. This may mean establishing norms among your friends or coworkers, and being ready to apologize when you make mistakes.

  • Avoid explaining intention and focus on the impact your words have.

  • Most importantly, listen. You don't always have to have something to say. Often, the role White folks need to play in a conversation about race is audience. We have a lot to learn and should take every opportunity to listen, empathize, and try to understand.