Shown in this picture is a home cooked family meal prepared by my grandfather. The meal includes red braised pork, stir-fried bok choy, stir-fried squid, stir-fried celtuce, and braised bean curd. Here, love is expressed through the care and labor of cooking food that nourishes not only our bodies but also our cultural identity. Every day, we return to a home that is filled with flavors and aromas of love. By preparing the food, my grandpa shows that he cares about his family members enough to cook the dishes with such care. For our family, food is our love language and the currency of affection. Whether it be through cooking for my parents when they are busy or my parents buying me food after I’ve had a hard day of school, food preparation and consumption is how we say “I love you.”

Recipes are like memories and stories; they travel and are shared from one generation to the next. From our childhood until death, food is always present. My earliest and dearest memories include going to Chinese supermarkets and picking out the most delicious snacks, begging my mother to buy them for me. Some dishes even grow along with us. My favorite dish, ever since I was a child, is red-based pork, a recipe carried all the way to my home in the United States from my family in Shanghai. The tender, juicy pork smothered in a sweet, sticky, and savory sauce will always be a taste of home. Throughout the years I grew up, stretching out my clothes and moving on from elementary school to junior high school, this dish changed as well. My grandpa perfected it, finding a good balance between sweet and savory and finding ways to make the pork as tender as possible. Food is one of the first ways we are introduced to love, from the action of our family members setting a meal in front of us and telling us to enjoy it. Asian American families usually don’t express love verbally; instead, they show love through their actions. Thus, preparing and providing food to their family is a simple yet meaningful expression of love within Asian American families. 

This picture illuminates the love language of an intergenerational household. For first-generation immigrants, food is a way of holding onto their past and preserving their memories of Asia. Despite how wonderful the new life they have developed for themselves is, there will always be nostalgia for the homeland. Moments where they miss the small town they grew up in and the delicious food their parents made for them, or the friends they hung out with after school, trying out the street food stands that crowded the streets. Therefore, by holding onto the recipes passed onto them from their family, they are able to bring a part of their life in Asia along with them to the United States and ensure that they never lose hold of their past. For the second generation, food may be seen as a way to cling to their culture, which has gotten mixed up with their American upbringing. Various experiences make up our personality and identity, and being a second-generation Asian American, things can get confusing very fast. How do I label myself? How do I view our community? What makes me Asian? What does it mean to be Asian American? These questions may invade our minds and make the lines separating our identities gray and unbalanced. Should there be lines in the first place? In these times of confusion, we can look to the recipes passed on by our parents and grandparents, which keep us steady in the face of an identity crisis. By sharing love through food, we ensure that we maintain our cultural past and anchor ourselves with flavors of home in times of fear and anxiety. Love doesn’t have to be shown in the most evident ways, through verbal praises or gifts. It can be as simple as cooking a meal together with someone you love, sharing stories and memories while ensuring that the recipe — the flavors of home and the Asian American experience — will never get lost.

Shown in this picture are framed photographs from my sister’s college graduation,  an orchid lego set,  and a koi fish statue. Love is shown in the way that the person, my mother, framed and arranged the photos. By setting the photos out and arranging them beautifully, she is indirectly expressing that she is proud of my sister, who is in the photos. The lego set is also an expression of love from me because I built it for my mom during Christmas with her love for flowers in mind. The koi fish was a souvenir from 2019 when my family and I traveled to China to visit our extended family. Little did we know that it would be the last time in several years we would be able to see them, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My mom has a habit of putting out various pictures of my sister and I around our house as a way to preserve memories of important events and as a way of saying “I’m proud of you.” This little corner is my mom’s collection of important memories, joy, and pride. 

Asian American parents may express love in this way because they are not used to verbally praising their children, so they look to alternative, more subtle ways to show that they are truly proud of them. By taking the time to frame the photos, my mom is showing that she cares greatly about the photos and indirectly the memories associated with them. “Silent Love” illuminates the subtle ways in which first-generation Asian American parents express love and pride. As a first-generation immigrant from China, my mother came to the United States in the hope of a better future for her children. She prioritizes her children’s success over everything else, including her own well-being. It has always been her top priority to give her children the opportunities to gain a meaningful education and achieve a successful career. Kept in her office, these photographs are also reminders that she, too, has succeeded in cultivating the upbringing she hoped for her children. She strives to work as much as she can in order to provide only the best for her family. After experiencing financial insecurity in the early years of her life after immigrating to the United States, she has become more determined than ever to be able to support her children financially. This shows that first-generation Asian Americans show love in ways that may not be very evident at first, but holds so much meaning and care. 

Knowing the story behind this picture, we can appreciate the importance of photographs and what success means for Asian American parents. This story also helps us understand the importance of showing others you care about them and are proud of them, even if it is not expressed verbally.