There are many responsibilities and pressures of being a teenager. It can be stressful when you are at the age to begin preparing to be on the road and operating a vehicle... You’d think that's stressful enough, but let's add a pandemic and a major stomach ache!  Covid-19 has been going on for months, but can life pause? No, we must still go about our lives in a safe manner. That’s just what I did, passed the written test and received a driver's permit. 

            Being a teen with a chronic illness, it's difficult sometimes trying to explain to people why you were late or unable to make it. This was my biggest concern when going to get the permit, even being diagnosed a year and a half with Ulcerative Colitis, I still struggle with telling someone, especially strangers. I was worried when I was sitting down taking the test because I felt like if I had to run to a restroom, I'd be unable to do so. With Covid, it can be fearful even leaving the house, as I get afraid that if I catch it that my treatments can be put on hold, but being a teenager I wanted to do what's considered “normal” for teens to do - get a permit.  This is especially a fearful time for people who are more susceptible, and it can be hard being a teenager with all these “normal” activities and pressures you might put on yourself.

               I had been putting off getting a permit for about a year, I was stressed. What if I failed? What if my IBS/Ulcerative Colitis interfered? Little did I know by delaying, more stress factors would come into play (Covid-19).  I always have had test anxiety growing up, and after being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and IBS, my anxiety got more apparent. The slightest stress would cause a major stomach ache, and sometimes I barely could move with that much pain. I couldn't always get to places or if I did I was usually late.  I was really concerned this would be the case when I scheduled a time to go in and take the written test. 

           I thought I was prepared when the day came, I had taken several practice tests on the official Washington DMV site that had me quite confident that I would pass.  The day before, I made sure to avoid trigger foods and keep a low stress environment. I felt very comfortable with the idea of taking the test that morning.  I had the wrong worries, however. My stomach did not cause a problem. Instead I did not pass the written test.  When I talked with the lady at the front desk, she had told me that these practice tests don't usually coordinate with the written test, and that some teens would mostly focus on those tests like I did and then not pass. I rescheduled the following week, this time I would be prepared! 

               I read and highlighted any information I thought I missed or had seen on the test in the Washington Drivers Guide book.  This time I was nervous. I woke up with a pain in my abdomen. I knew it was my IBS.  I quickly got ready in case any issues would cause me to be late and found the  guide and went over all the lines I previously highlighted and quizzed myself the whole morning. I put a cold water bottle on my stomach and took my pain medication and was on my way to retake the test.  This time I was a bundle of nerves and was barely keeping my stomach together. I was so afraid of not passing again that when I sat down to take the test I was in so much pain, I thought for sure I had forgotten everything! 

              With the pandemic going on, masks were required to be worn, the front office was small so it was difficult to keep six feet apart. The pens were sorted to clean and used, the back room was the size of a classroom and the desks and chairs were distanced out. There were about ten people in the room at most. The instructor came to each of us individually to give instructions, which confused me a bit since that definitely broke the social distancing. While taking the test, I felt panic rush over me.  I hadn't thought about what would happen if I did pass this time. The thought of still not passing terrified me, both outcomes seemed impossible. I felt butterflies in my stomach but not the good kind. When I completed all my questions I signaled the test administer, he took my test and went to his desk to grade it. It felt almost unbearable watching him grade my test. I felt my breathing getting heavier which was difficult with the mask. I practiced my grounding techniques, till I was signaled to his desk for the results. He told me that I received an eighty five percent. I passed! I was very relieved that highlighting this time had been very helpful to me.

           One thing I learned from this experience is, it's okay to do things at your own pace, there's already been a lot of pressure put on myself with getting better/treatments and now a lockdown and fear of losing all this progress I have made. I don't have to fit into this “normal’ because life isn't always gonna be perfect and why put more pressure on myself when i've already had more than enough for someone  my age.