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RENEE SAW: DISILLUSIONED REALITIES
“And everyone was like way to go, you made her cry. So the thing I keep thinking about is, was it worth it for her to be happy for a little bit, even though it ended up sad? Or would it be better if the whole thing would have never happened?” This moment from the series Bojack Horseman sparked my realisation of how my happiness in life was fleeting and negative emotions ruled over my life. I was disillusioned by the emotions and inner turmoil I experienced surrounding isolation, culture, and relationships that were once formative in my life over this period.
The central question that surrounds this exhibition is "How negative emotions cause disillusionment and may manifest in many different forms". This collection of work aims to communicate to the audience that these emotions are all around us and may have a greater effect on our everyday lives than I acknowledged. Together, these pieces illustrate the scope of internal conflict.
My exhibition begins in the centre with the piece“Squinting”, then to the left of it the piece “Seemingly Unsuspecting” explores the idea of portraying the disillusion with one's culture through the use of cultural talismans. The cultural items, a Chinese teapot and the textile piece are displayed outside their natural purposes or in disarray. I explore the disillusionment I feel at times with the cultural traditions I grew up with. As time went by, these ideals ingrained in my culture such as the normalisation of the patriarchy and shielding ourselves from truth and reality then seemed morally objectionable when I thought more in-depth about them. These pieces criticise the naivety and moral implications that corresponds to my culture. These come from one of the many diverse perspectives that exist in my culture.
This leads to another core piece of the exhibition, “Negative Feedback” which is displayed in the centre of the exhibition along with “Squinting” creating a monochromatic display of the sculptures, in order to have a stronger visual impact on the audience.“Negative Feedback” aims to portray the internal negative feedback loop of destructive emotions, emphasising that it was my own thoughts that essentially kept me confined. While the painting “Trapped” on the back wall explicitly illustrates my struggles of experiencing constant anxiety and panic attacks. Following that, in the next piece “Absence”, I depict a moment where my body ceases to exist. Through the pandemic’s trying times I felt as if I was losing a part of myself and I constantly had the subconscious feeling of incompleteness. These pieces reference the internal feelings of isolation and helplessness.
Further progressing into the exhibition, the pieces “Social Casualty” explores how the environment around us can intensify an individual’s disillusion.“Moving Along” is a turning point in the exhibition as it establishes an ending of the constant disillusionment. It is a point of equilibrium where one’s disillusion and identity can coexist after acknowledging its differences.
The exhibition ends with “You’re Almost There” which is a reference to the works of Mark Rothko, especially Untitled Red on Red (1969). This is a pivotal piece in the exhibition as it offers the audience an interactive experience, a chance to question their own disillusionment. This abstracted piece encourages the audience to “get lost” in the piece due to the lack of narrative, allowing the audience to blur out the noise around them and slowly disintegrate, free from all the pain, guilt and shame.
1. SQUINTING
Ceramic, wood and acrylic sheets
35cm x 35cm x 35cm
“But sometimes, if you squint at it just right, everything lines up, it's the most perfect, amazing thing. But, I'm so tired of squinting.” This piece is based on a scene from Bojack Horseman that made me reflect on my disillusionment with my culture. The squinting represents when I was naive and took customs at face value as I had celebrated them my entire life. But, as I grew up I became aware of the negative implications. The opening represents when you stop "squinting," you notice the flaws.
2. NEGATIVE FEEDBACK
Ceramic
28cm x 26cm x 15cm
This piece portrays an isolated figure inside a bust that aims to illustrate the sense of isolation in one’s state of mind. This piece intends to explore both the internal destruction of a negative feedback loop, emphasising that it was merely my own thoughts that kept me confined. This piece was inspired by a close friend of mine that had dealt with serious depression, the figure inside the head represents being imprisoned inside the inescapable bog that comprises it, feeling utterly helpless.
3 IF WALLS COULD TALK
Acrylic on canvas
20cm x 20cm
This piece portrays how the very walls which gave me comfort eventually lead to a place of loneliness. The dull colours, lack of redundant details and the abundance of negative space create an illusion where these pieces appear solid and geometric creating an austere ambience and amplifying the bareness of the environment. These forms create a lack of visual distraction which contributes to the visual simplicity.
4. SEEMINGLY UNSUSPECTING
Thread on raw canvas
33cm x 45cm
This piece portrays a struggle between traditional and contemporary beliefs and the destruction of emotions when one is forced into subservience. This piece aims to criticise Confucianism’s heavy influence on Chinese culture, the ensuing oppression which led my grandmother to be subjugated into these domestic roles. Asian women are forced into spheres of obedience, dependency, and subservience. Despite my objections, however, my grandmother’s perspective is still a valid point of view.
5. ABSENCE
Oil and acrylic on canvas
41cm x 50cm
During the pandemic, often isolated at home I frequently felt as if I was alone with my thoughts due to the lack of social interactions with others. This caused me a lot of anxiety. As time went by, I felt like I was losing a part of myself and I had constantly had the subconscious feeling of feeling incomplete. In this piece, I aim to convey the idea of both physical absences of everyday social life as well as the idea that I was losing myself where the parts of my body just cease to exist.
6. MOVING ALONG
Oil on Canvas
41cm x 41cm
This piece showcases the disillusion faced in all aspects of my life; culture, relationships and isolation may fade, eventually reaching peace with these situations. The lack of negative space in the background highlights the commotion and disillusionment that can influence our everyday life, whereas the calm nature of the figure suggests that both these elements can co-exist.
7. YOU’RE ALMOST THERE
Oil on raw canvas
66cm x 47cm
Inspired by the work of Mark Rothko, an abstract artist known for his large and abstract colour field paintings which feature large rectangular swaths of colour. Due to the lack of visual narrative and abstracted nature of the mark-making, this piece encourages the audience to have an interactive experience that evokes raw emotions and questions their own disillusionment.
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