Assignment 6: End Blog - One Shot Summary

I chose this photo, one from the very first assignment submitted in this course. I never gave it a name, and I do not feel like giving it one now either. It was during this time where I was looking at the photos I have captured for the ungraded assignment that I felt this course will be different and more hands-on than any other courses so far. I thought the course would be more engaging than I initially thought it would. But, that was not the case for me. It was no different from the majority of courses I have taken for the past three years here in UPOU. I got by doing the bare minimum, reading my modules and performing adequately to my required tasks. The course, to me, was more like a malaise I needed to endure than a challenge I needed to face. Maybe that is just the nature of being in an online/open university like UPOU. This photo somehow represents that. It reminds me of my unmet expectations. I was always fond of taking photos for the memories and remembrance, but I am quickly reminded that I am in a place where that does not matter. The technicality of this course's ideal photography is different from the photgraphy I desire. Reading the course manual reminds me of the idea that I am learning this information and applying this knowledge to meet a certain industry standard. That alone unmotivated me to perform better. It is pathetic I have to admit, but I can only be honest with myself, pears, and professor. Even writing this end-blog right now is unmotivating. I do not even feel like meeting the thousand-word requirement. But I will still try to do it, since my grades depend on it. Story of my life as a UPOU student, I guess.

When I first saw my classmates photos, I immediately felt extremely weird. It felt good to know that I did better than some. I know I said I wanted to compete with those I thought was on top of class, but part of me knew I was lying back then. I cannot give a single thought about them, I just wanted to know what I was capable of myself. But things happened and the courses started to feel heavily burdening. It was at the end of March that I began to feel this way. Assignments 4 and 5 was done on a whim. I literally just went outside to take photos, and thought of excuses to explain why those photos exist. I sure by the quality of my photos and the words I have chosen that the professor have noticed the lack of effort with my submissions. The buko vendor, the palm tree, and the electric metres? All of them can be accounted as b*llsh*t to say the least. Those submissions were also part of the reasons why I never attended any Zoom meetings or face-to-face classes throughout the trimester. I can show my face to my classmates and professor with those kinds of outputs. That would just down right embarrassing. I mean, it was not really difficult to spare some time for a few hours of online lectures. I also grew up in Los Baños despite currently residing in Pasig. Commuting would have not been a problem. I just simply chose not to participate for the reason that I felt like I would just be wasting my time and other people's time. So, if one will ask what I could have done better? The answer would be, all of it. I could have done better applying what I learned, I could have done better giving more effort, I could have done better engaging myself with the course, I could have done better for the sake of just doing better. 

I could have chosen to simply do better, but I didn't. Going back with simply getting by, my whole journey in UPOU is centered around it. I'm just here to acquire a college degree from a prestigious school and use its name to better up my chances. I believe my professional learning and training is beyond college and university. I do not even bother running to be an honor student despite having the grades that would make me one. I honestly think I do not deserve such awards. I am aware of the mediocre work I provided with each course. Maybe some more than the others, but I never was the consistent student. Life just did not get eaiser these past decade, and it only looks to continue in getting worse. I guess, I am just giving excuses at this point. But that is how it really is. I just want to finish college and work to provide for my badic needs. The politics around me never changed, and I hate it. Thinking about it now, I could have used those emotions in the assignments. I could have aimed for subjects that represents the emotions I feel. But it is all too late now. Man, I really suck at certain things.

So just like the old man from this photo, I just want to rest and turn my back away from what is life right now. I want the peace he emitted lying there on the park bench not facing the way that other people walk on. I want to have something similar, both figuratively and physically. I want that more than anythinh else right now. Pause or a while and have people see how hard I am having this life, and to have them visibly notice that I do not want to be bothered from my rest. Get by and take a rest.

I won't even bother putting this in any grammar checker. I want the words that came from my mind and communicate, worngs spelling and grammar and all. Not because I want to, but because I have an excuse to do so.

Thank you for all the things you did in this course, and I apologize for all the things I didn't.

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