Romantic relationships are a major developmental milestone. They come with all the other changes going on during adolescence – physical, social and emotional. And they’re linked to your child’s growing interest in body image and looks, independence and privacy.

Romantic relationships can bring lots of emotional ups and downs for the child – and sometimes for the whole family. The idea that a child might have these kinds of feelings can sometimes be a bit confronting for the parents. But these feelings are leading the child towards a deeper capacity to care, share and develop intimate relationships.

It can be difficult to appreciate the impact that a romantic relationship can have on a young person's life.

Given that they are sometimes short-lived and seemingly unstable, adolescents' romantic relationships are often dismissed as 'puppy love', unimportant or failed to be taken seriously.

It has become increasingly clear that young people's romantic relationships warrant much more attention than they have traditionally been given. They play an important role in young people's day-to-day lives, and have a significant impact on their current mental health, their ongoing development and future romantic relationships.

Before a child starts having relationships, he might have one or more crushes.

An identity crush is when a child finds someone he/she admires and wants to be like.

A romantic crush is the beginning of romantic feelings. It’s about a child imagining another person as perfect or ideal. This can tell a parent a lot about the things that a child finds attractive in people.

Romantic crushes tend not to last very long because ideas of perfection often break down when your child gets to know the other person better. But a child’s intense feelings are real, so it’s best to take crushes seriously and not make fun of them.

Younger teenagers usually hang out together in groups. They might meet up with someone special among friends, and then gradually spend more time with that person alone.

If a child wants to go out alone with someone special, talking about it with him can help you get a sense of whether he’s ready. Does he want a boyfriend or girlfriend just because his friends do? Does he think it’s the only way to go out and have fun? Or does he want to spend time getting to know someone better?

If the person a child is interested in is older or younger, it could be worth mentioning that people of different ages might want different things from relationships.

The most influential role models for teenagers are the grown-ups in their lives. A parent can be a positive role model for respectful relationships and friendships by treating his/her partner, friends and family with care and respect. Just talking about both men and women respectfully lets a child know you think everyone is equal and valuable.

Family plays a big part in the way your child thinks about teenage relationships.

When parents encourage conversations about feelings, friendships and family relationships, it can help their child feel confident to talk about teenage relationships in general. If their child knows what respectful relationships look like in general, she can relate this directly to romantic relationships.

These conversations might mean that their child will feel more comfortable sharing his/her feelings with them as he/she starts to get romantically interested in others. And the conversations can also bring up other important topics, like treating other people kindly, breaking up kindly and respecting other people’s boundaries.

Having conversations with children about sex and relationships from a young age might mean the children feel more comfortable to ask parents questions as she moves into adolescence.

In some ways, talking about romantic and/or sexual teenage relationships is like talking about friendships or going to a party. Depending on values and family rules, the parents and children might need to discuss behaviour and ground rules, and consequences for breaking the rules. For example, a parent might talk about how much time a child spends with his girlfriend or boyfriend versus how much time he spends studying, or whether it’s OK for his girlfriend or boyfriend to stay over.

A parent might also want to agree on some strategies for what his/her child should do if she feels unsafe or threatened.

Young people might also talk to their friends, which is healthy and normal. They still need your back-up, though, so keeping the lines of communication open is important.

Some conversations about relationships can be difficult, especially if you feel your child isn’t ready for a relationship. Check out our article about difficult conversations for more tips on how to handle them.

If a child is in a relationship, it can bring up questions about sex and intimacy.

Not all teenage relationships include sex, but most teenagers will experiment with sexual behaviour at some stage. This is why he/she needs clear information on contraception, safe sex and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

This could also be the chance to talk together about dealing with unwanted sexual and peer pressure. If parents keep the lines of communication open and let their child know that they’re there to listen, they’’ll be more likely to come to them with questions and concerns.

For some young people, sexual development during adolescence will include same-sex attraction and experiences.

For 3-10% of young people, the start of puberty will mean realising they’re attracted to people of the same sex. A larger number of young people might develop bisexual attraction.

Break-ups and broken hearts are part of teenage relationships. To make things worse, teenage break-ups might be played out in public – maybe at school, or online on social media.

A child with additional needs has the same interest in – and need for information about – sex and relationships as other teenagers. Rates of sexual activity for young people with additional needs are the same as those for teenagers without additional needs.

• Avoid assumptions about the significance of a relationship or the impact of a break-up

• Don't dismiss distress resulting from a relationship break-up - young people may be at increased risk of developing a depressive episode following a break-up

• Don't make assumptions about how significant a relationship was/is based on duration or age

• Be sensitive to the ways in which a romantic relationship may affect existing friendships and/or family relationships

• Do not dismiss their distress or assume they will simply 'get over it in time'. They may be feeling embarrassed or ashamed about seeking help for a problem they think they should be able to deal with alone - if your reaction reinforces this belief it can be very damaging

• Discuss acceptable and unacceptable ways of coping with difficult emotions (e.g., stalking behavior, cyber-bullying; see dealing with relationship break-ups)

I. Cite words that you can associate with teenage relationship.

II. Give at least five (5) acceptable and five (5) unacceptable actions of attractions towards others.

III. a. What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

b. What are the signs of a unhealthy relationship?

IV. Cite some ways to become responsible in a relationship?

Write a reflective journal about what you have learned in this lesson.