From the Time I Felt Most Alive

Anonymous

Poetry

From The Time I Felt Most Alive

- I feel so much pain in my heart from the time I felt most alive

- It takes a lot for me to wanna do things

- What I desired above all else was friends and to be loved

- Now I’m terrified of what both will bring

- Walking anywhere I keep hoping I’m not bothering anyone

- I just wanted to be a hero

- I just wanted to know I can do the right thing

- But when some consider you a monster

- You become a legend either way

- That immortal fight of my inner Superman vs my inner Kurama weighs heavy on my heart

- I’m plagued with these questions of self worth; wishing I knew the answer - All I do know; is this

- If it was too late I would have stopped already

- Even though my feet feel like concrete

- I force myself to keep going

- For my dream to finally be in a place where I can truly be me

- My hero’s journey is far from over but my experiences and the lessons are still with me - Those who love me and those who have given up on me are also all still with me - I will never forget

- Despite my shortcomings and falters I can still pull the sword from the hat - I can still blow up the death star

- And become hokage

- Maybe I am too old to have these dreams but these childlike adventures ring more true now than ever

- A prophecy from way back from the time I felt most alive

- “I think life is trying to challenge you”

- I don’t know if all this is going to mean anything but I have to try

I deal with a lot on a daily basis both externally and internally. I view it all as challenges and aspects to my journey. Some time ago at the end of 2019 I suffered the most painful experience I have ever encountered in my life. Some people thought horrible things about me and I got into a lot of trouble. I went through a lot of pain that has changed me to this day and is an experience that has added on to a lot of the anxiety I already had prior to this event. When I say ‘From The Time I Felt Most Alive” it’s in reference to when I was at community college. I had achieved my dream of having friends and a friend group.


I was very happy at this time but it was all gone in a flash. It has now left me with lingering issues that continue to plague me. I compare a lot of my life to heroes from tv because I was raised on Tv. I say that my conflicts of the past are represented by my inner superman vs my inner kurama. Superman being the face of what a hero can be and Kurama being a nine tailed demon of destruction. I look at this visual piece as the heart of what I feel has been my issues. However it is something that has made me stronger because as reflected in my poem I keep going. That is where the resilience comes in my poem. Because to be a true hero it doesn’t just mean the heroics rather it is about not giving up and knowing what's true on the inside. Despite the trauma of the past and present I know to become what I want and to be where I wanna be I gotta keep going. Maybe no one sees it but I know that I can be a hero and do the heroic stuff that comes with the territory. I should say I know I can’t literally do the things that Luke, Naruto and Harry Potter do but I mean it in a more metaphorical way. My resilience is that I have not given up on myself and despite it being hard I keep moving forward and I keep trying. Just like the heroes on the screen.

Disclaimer: Many storytellers here shared vulnerable experiences, which might be triggering to some. Please see below for resources.