This poem was inspired by the many times I found myself reflecting on my friendships. I sometimes have flashbacks in my head of all the moments we have shared since first meeting all the way to today. The concept of a friendship is so interesting because someone who was once unknown to you can become someone that is part of your everyday life. But whether that happens seems to be setup on the environment in which you meet. This poem encourages the reader to be aware of those environmental factors and work beyond them, who knows… you might make a friend in the process.

When I first came to UCSD I sometimes had feelings of loneliness and isolation being so far from family and friends. I saw other students who seemed to already have friend groups and I wanted so badly to have a friend/support system of my own. At first it was hard to make friends, but I did learn a few valuable lessons while doing so. If the reader of this synopsis is interested in those lessons, I have summarized them at the end.

Meeting new people and making new friends has also changed my definition of what a friend is. You can have many different friends or friend groups that all serve different purposes. For example, you may manage a group of friends from back home, a group of friends in your classes, and a group of friends at work. The group back home hang out with you when you visit, the group in class are great for studying together, and the group at work helps the time pass by. How much time you spend with each of these groups can vary, there is no requirement from you to give 100% to all groups. This was an interesting lesson for me to learn because prior to coming here, I was always all or nothing with my friendships. I think that stems from constantly moving and switching schools when I was younger. I was always the “new kid”, so I really yearned for this idea of a dedicated close friend group. Being able to split them up, especially in terms of commitment, was life changing to me.

I end the poem on a note that encourages the reader to be open to making friends in any circumstance. But even if a lifelong friendship doesn’t come out of being kind, it still makes for a better community for all of us to live in. There is a quote that I’ve read that goes something like “You never know what a person is going through, so always be kind”. This resonates a lot with me. You don’t know what a person is experiencing behind the scenes and maybe if you knew, you would treat them better, but why wait to be kind? Why not instead just always be kind? Sure, maybe we need a reminder to do so… so let’s all remind each other through example.

Some tips and general conversation about friendships

Firstly, if you want to make friends you have to have that intention. You must understand that you can make lifelong friends in the least expected places, so always keep a great attitude. For example, imagine you had to go somewhere you don’t want to (the DMV maybe). You don’t go there expecting to make a friend, in fact, most people aren’t even looking forward to going there. Being in a room full of people who are already upset they have to be there creates an environment in which friendships might be hard to make. But I feel that, if instead we were all aware of our emotions and counseled ourselves about them, we may be better able to conduct ourselves to others in environments like this rather than let our emotions occupy our mind. This increases the likelihood of us having positive interactions with each other by being present in the moment or avoiding taking our emotions out on each other. If you have ever experienced a stranger making your day, then you have an idea why that is valuable, and maybe that stranger is the kind of person you want in your life. The point is, you never know where a long-lasting friendship will start so always be open to it.

When we were kids, you never really thought twice about “making friends”, it was something that just happened when you spent time together. You didn’t always necessarily have to worry about common interests or awkwardness. Maybe that came from being open to letting people

be who they are. As we grow older, we start to have preferences in the way things should be handled and perhaps we start to distance ourselves from those who handle things different from us. I learned that getting too comfortable with things always going your way creates a very narrow mindset of how things can be done. It is always good to be open to other approaches, live outside of your comfort zone, and try to see things from a new perspective.

Also, be vulnerable. Being vulnerable means being able to extend an invitation to an activity together but not take it personal if others decline. At UCSD so many of us have so much going on. We are all trying to find the right balance of academia, personal health, and social relationships. We all have a full schedule and sometimes those schedules don’t match up.

Lastly, it takes time. Some friendships do happen on a whim and without any effort, don’t get me wrong. But some people take some warming up before they are comfortable showing themselves to you. We must be mindful of people’s boundaries, not take things personal and be patient when getting to know each other. It may be difficult at first putting all these into practice so try one at a time. In any case, go out there, experience life, and be kind to one another.

Disclaimer: Many storytellers here shared vulnerable experiences, which might be triggering to some. Please see below for resources.

• UCSD Students: CAPS, Health Promotion Services, your College Deans of Student Affairs, Campus Community Centers.

• UCSD Faculty and staff: Faculty and Staff Assistance Program, Staff Affiliate Groups, Work/Life Health & Wellness

• UCSD All: CARE at SARC,

• Anti-Racism Resources - Student Affairs and EDI

• Community: RAINN, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, NEDA, Up2SD