Blessings in Disguise

Ya Qing Lai

Muir College, Clinical Psychology

Digital Art

In the Fall of 2019, I took a 27-hour flight from Malaysia to Silicon Valley. This is the first time I’ve ever traveled alone, the first I’ve stepped foot in the United States, and also the first step I took towards earning my degree to an inspiring career in Clinical Psychology. During the course of the two years being in community college, my life took multiple sharp turns. Illness seemed to trail behind my family. My family was spared from the virus, but one after another, my sisters were diagnosed with worse sickness. Being an ocean away from home was difficult for me, but the arrival of the pandemic allowed me to return home as classes went online. Staying strong together as a family through tough times was the wisest choice we made, as we tried our best to put a smile on each other's faces to remind ourselves that we still deserved to be happy.


I juggled between my studies and the duty to accompany my sisters on their path out of the darkest shadows of mental health and what was once considered an incurable sickness — cancer. As it was extremely difficult on my soul and heart, I poured away the accumulating negative energy through my tears on several occasions. Crying to me was not a sign of weakness, but a means of temporary escape. It is during these vulnerable times that I discover what is in store for me and gain a new personal insight or vision on life.


This unexpected road sure was bumpy, but through grit and resilience, I maneuvered myself smoothly through obstacles that were in my way. Not to mention throughout all this time, I continued to persevere and work hard to complete my transfer journey to the University of California, San Diego, one of my life’s greatest achievements. It is resilience at play because it was so easy to feel hopeless and want to quit, but because of my dreams and desire to care for my family, I knew quitting on my education was not an option.


As I reflect upon my past, I come to see that my resilience is tied closely to the composition of my identity. I believe it is who I am, what I believe, and what I practice that fosters my resilience. I am one to view the glass half full instead of half empty. I hold the belief that every obstacle is a lesson to learn and a blessing in disguise. With these ideas at the center of my core, I always notice the light that shines through amid the darkness. I also recognize that my ability to be resilient is made possible from the deep roots I planted myself within my family. The close relationship I share with my family builds the fundamentals of my social skills that also help me be resilient. When placed in a foreign setting, it is almost natural for me to first connect with people who are most similar to me. Often, the process of learning and helping each other with our respective skills and knowledge is much more valuable than venturing alone. In my case of studying abroad, I surround myself with international or transfer students who often share my experience. This was how I adapted quickly to the once foreign America. Heartfelt conversations exchanged with those who are also all far from home are incredibly comforting. Doing things independently or spending time alone is another way I strengthen my resilience. Personal space is important for self-reflection, a crucial element in recovery and improvement. Being the eldest in my family has helped set me up with the independence needed for such times.


I believe resilience is not an innate quality that someone possesses. Rather, it is a reward for the times that we refuse to back down from obstacles in our path. I urge you to look around and notice how people around you display resilience amid hardship. Connections can help build you a sense of community so that you know you’re not alone. I hope learning from others’ resilience inspires you to do the same just as how my sisters inspired me upon witnessing their bravery in fighting the monsters of sickness.

Disclaimer: Many storytellers here shared vulnerable experiences, which might be triggering to some. Please see below for resources.