acknowledgements
acknowledgements
. . . . My family,
for their relentless support and love.
엄마, for giving me the gift of language.
할머니, for teaching me the word 사랑.
My grandparents, for keeping history alive.
My cluster group, for their guiding feedback and wisdom throughout this research process. You were my outside eye.
Professor Ruberg, whose lecture on queering lines and lives molded
my approach to queering my analysis of The Handmaiden. Now I look
at my hands and see how they take up space. I look
at my movement and see my collaboration
and sometimes
collusion with something larger.
Professor Fan, for introducing me to the C-Story. I write about myself
even when I’m not writing about myself. I worldbuild simply by moving
through time. What is external can never truly stay
external.
Professor Zina, for reiterating the importance of presentation.
Anything can be intriguing if you know how to deliver.
Professor Cooks, for showing me history
untold; hierarchy and exhibition in museums; Carrie Mae Weems’s
Roaming. How we are made a voyeur
and complicit, should we come to understand
that of which we are a witness.
Professor Alexander, for your passion.
Babadook (S, M, J, N, A, J, E, J), for making me laugh and enduring my muted viewing of The Handmaiden, squished in the back of a non-air conditioned minivan on the way to the middle of nowhere.
I hope you see vending machines and think of me.
The creators of Letterboxd, for the frustration
and delight I’ve found burrowed in their site.
Anne Carson, who gave me Geryon
and the word tragikos, meaning either
goat or tragedy.
Nick Cave, Karen O, and Relaxing White Noise
(White Noise Black Screen | Sleep, Study, Focus | 10 Hours)
for keeping me company in the silence that isn’t really silent. For
diaries in sound.
Time, for being there always
and then sometimes. . . . .
to future students Time is important. Keep your Time. You will fall in love with your project and want it until seven
but it has dinner plans at six.
on writing & research & learning
I am Hansel and Gretel on their trail through the damp woods; the way I arrange my diction perhaps communicates more than the words themselves. I want the layers and I see the layers. I seek reflection and echoes and trails. & so naturally, I gravitate towards that which surrounds and composes me. & so naturally, the words will know more than I do. Who my audience is. What I wish to say. What I wish to learn. Who I am.
Worldbuilding is unavoidable and boundless, just as worlds cannot be defined because they can be anything and are made by everything. Simply by breathing you are constructing worlds. Drink Dasani water and you're thinking up the kinda world you want to be in. Triple-knot your shoes and your day will go different. It is up to you what type of worlds these are and how they will end up interacting with others’ worlds, informing or inviting them inside. Little things can build and little things can burn. How will you use your words. How will you use your movement. How will you use your choice. How will you use your knowledge. How do you stumble upon yourself. There is no person
without a world.* There is no world
without a person.
*Anne Carson
geryonfindshisgod