feel, figure
feel, figure
( listen as you read )
I think about the U.S. fighter jet that killed my grandfather's two best friends when he was eleven, tucked behind a rock and certain he was about to die. How my family’s faces stretch awkwardly when they say this, let out hollow-bellied laughs as our feet touch the same dirt that once knew their blood. Joking about how it couldn’t have been Korea because their planes would’ve flown like crap. Oh harabeoji. He says dead bodies collected on the street like autumn leaves. You know his father would take their grenades and toss them in the water to fish. Pick up their flailing bodies. Survive. I don’t want to put words in my grandfather's mouth, say he’s desensitized to violence, to certain tragedies—say this of any of my grandparents—but his generation walks barefoot on burning mountains. They approach active beehives despite being deathly allergic to bees. Counter pain with more pain.
Achasan, Seoul, South Korea, where I saw an ahjumma walk barefoot on boiling rocks. Taken by me.
It is weird, isn’t it. How often tragedy comes to you, belittled, when it is all you’ve ever known. When it is all you have been knowing. Study after study after study after study after study has been published within the past decade about society’s desensitization to violence. It has saturated Generation Z’s humor: whether it is because we do not fully understand that at which we are jesting, or we know it too well, or maybe we cultivate a sense of miscomprehension to shield us from our own knowledge of the truth, I don’t completely know; but I track immense irony in our tendency to grieve over the plights of fictional characters while turning, more or less, a blind eye towards the very real, near-identical devastations wreaking our world. It becomes evident through this that perhaps, should one take a step back to deeply process, speculative narratives are, first and foremost, meant to reveal the truth, present our current reality as an outlandish specter—thrust into space, enslaved by artificial intelligence, gnawing on each other for sustenance—through which we can properly digest the state of our own world without the barrier of desensitization. Speculative narratives do not tell us about our future any more than they tell us about our present, numbed to many by exposure.
Octavia Butler, in Parable of the Sower, frames our approaching world as an America wrought with flames, sluiced with crime. Amidst the horror, her protagonist, Lauren Olamina, finds Earthseed, a religion surrounding the idea that “God/Is Change” (Butler, 2). After her hometown is ravaged by a group of pyro addicts (a drug that makes arson feel more euphoric than sex), she sets north towards a lesser chaos, collecting a group of people along the way.
"You believe in all this Earthseed stuff, don’t you?” Travis, one of the group's newer members and soon to be Lauren’s first “convert,” asks. Upon Lauren’s confirmation, he continues, “But…you made it up.”
Lauren, palming a rock, responds, “If I could analyze this rock, tell you all that it was made of, would that mean I’d made up its contents?”
Travis, curious: “So, what did you analyze to get Earthseed?”
And Lauren: “Other people, myself, everything I could read, hear, see, all the history I could learn” (Butler, 180).
Page 180 of the comic adaptation of Parable of the Sower by Damian Duffy & John Jennings.
This. This last line is so terribly important. Damian Duffy, the script adapter of Parable of the Sower, mentions in an interview attached to the comic adaptation that the most challenging part of adapting Butler’s story was “the peculiar feeling of dramatizing dystopian fiction while the daily news renders it documentary…Octavia Butler was an amazing writer, a certified genius, but I think it does her a disservice to pretend like she was psychic. She was just paying attention” (Duffy, 265). She was just paying attention. This line feels especially loud to me. What did you analyze to get to Earthseed. Other people, myself, everything I could read, hear, see, all the history I could learn. One a warning, one a religion. Both built on truth; on revelation. Arguably, speculative narratives are somewhat our Earthseed, meant to elicit understanding within its readers, provoke a sense of urgency for change. “The destiny of Earthseed is to take root among the stars,” Lauren writes (Butler, 184).
Butler, a genius, is telling us this: if you do not understand that we are headed here—for this decaying future—if you do not understand this, we will die. So we, the reader, must listen to her words, as Travis eventually listens to Lauren's. We cannot stand idly by. Just as Lauren worships God as Change, we, too, must put our hearts into building a different world in which our future does not sit atop a bed of bodies. Change isn't impossible. It isn't.
WE CANNOT STAND IDLY BY
I N T E R S T E L L A R
Still from Interstellar (2014), dir. Christopher Nolan.
On the flight back home for Thanksgiving break, I became obsessed with space.
Something-or-other I’d been reading dealt with it in some capacity and I let it consume me. Coincidentally, one of my siblings made us all watch Christopher Nolan's Interstellar; and so this was what was on my mind for much of the time I spent reading Parable of the Sower. Interstellar similarly envisions a near-future where humanity flounders on a dying world, depleted of resources. Comparatively, there is not nearly as much violence, but just as how Butler's world details space exploration as no longer relevant because of the glaring ruins at hand, NASA is supposedly defunct. Interstellar follows Cooper, a former astronaut, who, upon discovering that NASA persists in secret, journies to space in search of habitable planets.
Clip from Interstellar. Cooper enters a fifth dimension.
Though very much about the persistance of humanity, Interstellar is just as much about family. In order to pilot the mission, appropriately named "Project Endurance," Cooper must leave behind his two children. There is no determined return date for Cooper: he could come back in ten years, twenty-five years, one hundred. Never. Cooper's mission into space is equally about his quest to return to his daughter, who, in his absence, eventually goes on to become a NASA scientist herself. The idea of taking root in something—a planet, family—plays an incredibly important role in the film, much like how Earthseed centers around rootedness. And, just as Lauren emphasizes that “In order to rise/From its own ashes/A phoenix/First/Must/Burn” (Butler, 122). Nolan names NASA’s first attempt to search for habitable planets the “Lazarus Program” after Lazarus of Bethany, who, Dr. Brand (the chief scientist of the expedition) reminds Cooper, “came back from the dead.” Cooper’s response is, “Sure, but he had to die in the first place” (Interstellar).
Despite how Cooper seems to approach this concept differently from Lauren (who sees a phoenix’s ignition as inevitable and necessary), he nevertheless conveys the same message: despite all of this chaos, all of this horror, it is possible to rise again. Tinged with a similar hopefulness to Parable of the Sower, Interstellar allows us to believe in humanity’s ability to persevere—and better yet, endure, to reference both the mission's name and The Endurance, the interstellar space exploration vehicle in which Cooper flings through space.
S O N G S
I’ve found that songs make it especially clear that while speculative narratives certainly provide revelatory descriptions of our reality, they also serve as allegories for other griefs. The endings of a lover’s past relationships, for example, are likened to a crumbling world in “Apocalypse” by Cigarettes After Sex.
You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to
dust
Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above
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Music video for "Space Oddity" by David Bowie.
And in David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” based on 2001: A Space Odyssey, an astronaut stranded in space serves as a potential metaphor for drug overdose. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on, Bowie sings, right before lift-off into the unknown—analogized to a high. The astronaut never returns. The addict suffers.
Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you he—
Here am I floating 'round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do
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Music video for "Wild Time" by Weyes Blood. Would highly, highly recommend watching this music video.
“Wild Time” by Weyes Blood reframes how we choose to view our own deterioration, turns it into something more natural, where we have physically reconciled with nature (represented by nudity in the music video); considers embracing this shift as a way to avert the worst of it. Encourages us to do so.
Taking hold of our eyes
Beauty, a machine that's broken
Running on a million people trying
Don't cry, it's a wild time to be alive
Turn around it's time for you to slowly
Let these changes make you more holy and true
Otherwise, it just made it complicated for nothing
Warm and cold, a place for us too far
“I've spent a lot of time thinking apocalyptic thoughts and realizing that won't get you anywhere. What if the world has always been ending? What if the sprawl of our cities are just as wild as the forests? What if climate change and the destruction of our natural habitat is a reflection of the nature within us, however sublimely horrifying and hard to understand? We're animals, we play out a very precarious drama of life, and we grasp for what's left of the protective womb - but maybe the notion that we're somehow separated from her is an illusion. Maybe it is, truly, a wild time to be alive. Maybe getting in touch with that as a culture and society would avert the worst case scenarios of ecological crisis and existential dread.” Natalie Mering (Weyes Blood)
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Live performance of "Pioneers" by Bloc Party.
Bloc Party’s “Pioneers” is a devastating overarching narrative about progress, trying to fix that which is meant to remain. The speaker, at the beginning, falsely proclaims that “If it can be broke, then it can be fixed/If it can be fused, then it can be split,” desperately repeating it’s all under control as though they are already aware that it never was and never will be. They continue:
If it can be lost, then it can be won
If it can be touched, then it can be turned
All you need is time
All you need is time
All you need is time
All you need is
Time
All you need is
Time
And later, when they can no longer deceive themselves:
We promised the world we'd tame it
What were we hoping for?
We promised the world we'd tame it
What were we hoping for?
We promised the world we'd tame it
What were we hoping for?
We promised the world we'd tame it
What were we hoping for?
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.
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However, I think there is another narrative of not necessarily hope, but survival to be found within these lyrics. There is so much repetition that some phrases evolve into mantras, words of perseverance. At some point, they sing, “We said we're going to conquer new frontiers/Go on, stick your bloody head in the jaws of the beast.” While this can be read as illuminating the futility of attempting to solve something near-impossible, I like to think that it is more so meant to mean, in pursuit, you will suffer. Like a phoenix from its ashes. Like Lazarus from the dead. I back up this analysis with a later verse:
So here we are reinventing the wheel
I'm shaking hands with a hurricane
It's a colour that I can't describe
It's a language I can't understand
Ambition tearing out the heart of you
Carving lines into you
Dripping down the sides of you
which, once again, can be deemed despairing…but the speaker, nevertheless, is doing it. They are shaking hands with a hurricane. Letting ambition shred them apart. Becoming something ruined. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. We will not be the last. This must happen in order to survive. And we will survive.
Would also recommend listening to the M83 Remix.
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To me, out of all the mediums, I think it is easiest to label songs as the most hopeless. Sometimes, it’s almost like there’s no space in them for hope. But without sound, songs would become poetry, prose—so we must remember to seek hope in the music just as much as we do the lyrics. And often, it is there. But I think there is, too, a sort of middle ground that exists: a space that is not quite hopeful but not not. I feel this in “Space Oddity,” where neither the astronaut nor the addict survives, but the song itself lives as a form of catharsis, or a type of preservation. Or “Apocalypse,” where their relationship is fated to end tragically but they want it anyway, and the song serves as an acceptance of that.
Because so much of what we grasp from songs is through the music, there is another layer of feeling that doesn't appear in other mediums. I personally find music to be the most consistently evocative artform. You are forced to confront how you respond emotionally to music, otherwise you will not connect with it. You cannot simply read the lyrics and dissect. Discomfort comes easy. Comfort washes over you without your urging. And these songs, they're saying, what would the world look like if we were free. What would the wind sound like. What would run through my body. What if we died. What if we didn't. Let's not. Let's live. If anything, through the music.
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i nt er l u de
Music video for "Plans We Made" by Son Lux.
Another important thing to note is that the auditory aspects of songs can offer speculative narratives completely separate from the lyrics. Son Lux’s “Plans We Made,” about unfulfilled dreams and failing to take a chance, implies that should one halt their pursuits, their world will become that of the song: sorrowful, listlessly anxious, this cavern of bitterness and longing.
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VISUALIZE YOUR ENTRAPMENT BELOW; MOVE YOUR MOUSE LIKE CRAZY
jacksonpollock.org
it's like change: move too slowly, & everything goes
black
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As I've continued to organize this archive, I've become more comfortable with the concept of space on this specific site, using it to better visualize my thoughts. I think I’ve always naturally been drawn to making connections between different pieces, but I seldom set aside a space for me to place these ideas down in the same manner I have for these entries. They're usually notes scribbled on crumpled post-its or mistyped onto a phone app, or vocally expressed into my Voice Recordings echo chamber. Laying these connections out, being able to shape how I understand them physically (how they take up space, how they expand, how I visualize them interacting) has helped further my understanding of the material, the depth at which I see it. And through this, I've been able to further cultivate my fascination with translations and adaptations, how they are somewhat interchangeable, how who and how a work is remolded matters; come to a realization that speculative narratives infiltrate every genre, every fictional story, to some extent. There is no fiction without speculation. & there is no person without a world.
3D Mercury. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:3D_Mercury.png.
Astronaut. https://stock.adobe.com/search?k=astronaut+png.
“Bloc Party - Pioneers [Live at Bristol Academy 2007].” YouTube, YouTube, 7 Jan. 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zt-IwMi3Ec. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.
Blood, Weyes. “Wild Time.” Apple Music. https://music.apple.com/us/album/wild-time/1450550344?i=1450550352
Bowie, David. “Space Oddity.” Apple Music. https://music.apple.com/us/album/space-oddity/1090470635?i=1090471540
Bringer of War Planet. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bringer_of_War_Planet.png.
Chang, Zoë. Achasan. 2023.
Cigarettes after sex. “Apocalypse.” 2017.
“David Bowie – Space Oddity (Official Video).” YouTube, YouTube, 9 July 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=4TmlYpfHAq8rhB-U&v=iYYRH4apXDo&feature=youtu.be. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.
Duffy, Damian, et al. Octavia E. Butler’s Parable of the Sower. Abrams ComicArts, 2020.
The Endurance. https://medium.com/cognizance-iit-roorkee/interstellar-explained-7d33d6c9f86f.
“Http://Www.Jacksonpollock.Org/ by Miltos Manetas!” Http://Www.Jacksonpollock.Org/ by Miltos Manetas!, www.jacksonpollock.org/. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.
“Interstellar: Cooper Learns the Truth - Interstellar Ending Scene (2014) Movieclips [HD].” YouTube, YouTube, 29 Jan. 2021, https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=88kORSX5CfihZU2t&v=8LiVGDq01FU&feature=youtu.be. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.
Jupiter. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jupiter_%28transparent%29.png.
Lux, Son. “Plans We Made.” Apple Music. https://music.apple.com/us/album/plans-we-made/1524645576?i=1524645581
Mering, Natalie, director. WEYES BLOOD — WILD TIME. YouTube, YouTube, 27 May 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=DOiv1RHwAzrN7_yb&t=314&v=kjfpNOwMpeM&feature=youtu.be. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.
Nolan, Jonathan, and Hans Zimmer. Interstellar. 2014.
Party, Bloc. “Pioneers.” Apple Music. https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-pioneers/50232347?i=50232365
Party, Bloc. “The Pioneers (M83 Remix).” Apple Music. https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-pioneers-m83-remix/79306455?i=79306334
Planet PNG. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/725783296176220527/.
Planet PNG. https://www.vecteezy.com/free-png/planet.
“Son Lux - ‘Plans We Made’ (Official Video).” YouTube, YouTube, 7 Jan. 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=joYMPAnSptsjNGZZ&v=5Lk8XuNDbtA&feature=youtu.be. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.
Transparent Neptune. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Transparent_Neptune.png.
Unknown. Resurrection of Lazarus. 12AD.
“Weyes Blood - Wild Time - Paris Pitchfork 2019.” YouTube, YouTube, 3 Nov. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG_WzebwyEc. Accessed 8 Dec. 2023.