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The End of Beginnings
The End of Beginnings
It has definitely been a crazy first year at UCI, especially with the Humanities Core program. All the way from the beginning when we all took our first tentative step into college after quarantining for many months (and then back into quarantine with the outbreak of Omicron during the winter quarter) to the end with our last week of instruction for spring quarter. Shockingly, covid was not even the most shocking thing to happen this year, and yet somehow we've managed to survive through it all. That's the persistent human spirit, I guess. The idea that society can return back to previous "normalcy" doesn't seem plausible anymore, but from everything I've learned this quarter, it seems that we have been due for this change. Whether it was COVID or through more conventional means, something was going to happen to make people pay attention to this shift in our world—it was just ultimately through one of the most devastating way.
Writing is not my strongest suit. Actually, it's probably on the bottom of my list of skills. I can handle anything else—the arts, music, math, history, sciences, you name it. Heck, I thoroughly enjoy the analyzing, the thinking, even the reading, but I could never write my thoughts down without seeing it as inherently wrong in some way. Either it felt too long-winded, not complex enough, too shallow, grammatically incorrect, or there was some key detail missing. I was never really satisfied with the work I did.
The Humanities Core program had combined all the arts, maths, science, etc. into one big amalgamation of study, and it forced me to practice my writing. Casually or academically, writing my thoughts down became easier because I found the course content more appealing and interesting to talk about. Granted, that doesn't mean everything was smooth sailing. But when I wrote, I wrote because the subjects mattered to me. I threw myself into all the essay assignments we had this year, and I vowed to do my best to improve with every subsequent writing prompt. I went to office hours; I dropped by the Writing Center; I asked my friends to read and re-read my essays. I did it because I wanted to improve; I did it because everyone showed me that I had the potential to improve.
After completing the research paper, I can confidently say that my writing has changed. Is it the best? Is this paper the ultimate, jaw-dropping masterpiece of my whole writing career that will change the world forever? No, definitely not—but it's better. It's better than all the other essays I've written this year and before, and it's better because I've come to somewhat enjoy the writing process. I may still find it arduous, frustrating, and painfully stressful to write, but I can't help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in the progress I've made. The very rough research paper I did in 10th grade cannot compare to all the writings I've done for the Humanities program, and for that I feel vindicated in my accomplishments. But this is merely the start of my efforts towards improvements. My metamorphosis, if you will.
Enjoyable? No? What Absolute Nonsense!
Enjoyable? No? What Absolute Nonsense!
Throughout the year, which units were the most intriguing? Which ones were more of a struggle to understand and pay attention to? At the top of my list, I would probably have to go with Professor Amiran's units on psychoanalysis and surrealism. It may have been surreal to listen to his lectures, but they piqued my interest the most. The combination of children's literature, art, comics, and psychology made him one of the most enjoyable professors for me. Although many of us disagreed with the things he said—and many of us were left baffled by the end of his lectures—I cannot say that it detracted from his lessons. Actually, it probably pushed me more to think about other ways to interpret or view the texts and images he used.
Next up are Professor Mimura's lectures on different films and film genres. I was glad that we were expanding the field of inquiry to popular, visual media. A combination of visual, audio, narrative, and textual analysis was definitely something that was up my alley, especially with audio. Although I am a bit disappointed that we didn't focus on soundtracks all that much. Of course, it may be a less-known area for Professor Mimura or perhaps he wanted to focus more on the visual aspects. I believe music is a very unique and creative medium that has always been prevalent in society, and there are so many ways to incorporate meaningful elements into the soundtracks of films. I'd recommend watching the Youtube channel Sideways for some examples of interesting music analysis in film (he also talks about the role of music in theatre productions, TV shows, cartoons, etc.).
And lastly, third on my list of favorite units are Professor Donaldson's lectures on animal ethics. I thoroughly enjoyed our philosophical discussions during fall quarter with Conference of the Birds, and Professor Donaldson definitely stepped up to the plate with her engaging and thought-provoking lectures. It has definitely shifted my view on food and made me more aware of the needless harm done to animals. I enjoyed learning about Aristotle, Pythagoras, René Descartes, St. Augustine, and all the other philosophers/scholars who voiced their thoughts and opinions about animal consciousness.
The most challenging unit for me was Professor Schwab's unit on the insect imaginaries. It was mostly difficult to decipher her dense concepts and jam-packed lectures, and I don't really have that big of a fascination for bugs, but it was still enjoyable to learn and read about dystopian futures presented by Schell or the genetically-engineered Camile stories written by Harroway. What pulled me in were the psychological connections to the insect mind, like Hesse-Honeggers' experience with deferred action and her focus on a transspecies ethics of care. Although the concepts were definitely more complex and expansive, I still had a fun time talking about Kafka's Metamorphosis and Miyazaki's Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind in our seminar discussions.
The Rabbit Hole Goes Deeper...
The Rabbit Hole Goes Deeper...
I've always been conscious of my relationship with the people around me. I chose to be a psychological science major because its one way to focus on how the human mind and behavior shapes their social environment, and how it, in-turn, shapes us. I wanted to see how I could understand humans better through psychology, but I was surprised to see how I could accomplish that in the Humanities as well.
It is beautiful to see how all these manifestations of animals in our culture, art, language, and so forth have shaped the way we live and behave. The world is so vast, but something so seemingly minute can drastically change how we understand the world and each other. We view animals as vessels for our own messages. We analyze how this use of animals can be problematic and immoral. We are curious about the construction of knowledge and Being, and how we can better understand the existence of Others. But we can use this knowledge to improve the way we interact with the world—improve the way we interact with each other. As many people believe, we aren't born to be inherently good or bad. Our environment has shaped us to think and act in a certain way, and deciphering different types of sources can help us understand how specific ideas and concepts come to be. It can lead us to be more comprehensive and mindful of ourselves and the living beings around us, humans and non-humans alike. When we question our beliefs and their construction, we open up others to these topics of discourse. The way we understand the world is a reflection of the things we consume, and vice-versa. Trying to figure out how it happens and why it is important will be a consistent endeavor as we live our lives and exist in this world.
Referencing back to the title, "Have we reached the bottom yet?"
No, I don't think we've reached the end of this rabbit hole yet. And I hope that we never do. I hope that we will always be brave enough to jump down a hole that piques our interest and be perisistent enough to see how far it goes. No matter however many diverging tunnels, no matter the obstacles blocking the way....
... Dear rabbit, how far will you go?
To my lecturers, seminar instructors, classmates, friends, parents, and more. Thank you.
Thank you for giving me an amazing first year at UCI and thank you for making me a better writer.
My gratitude knows no bounds.
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