Student Fails Essay, Blames Sparknotes

NEEDHAM, MA––Jonathan Shmidt,16, was stunned this morning to find that his grade in PowerSchool had dropped nearly 20%. Upon closer inspection he saw that the Frankenstein essay he had turned in three weeks ago had come back with a laughably low grade of 23/80 points.

“I don’t know what happened,” said a shocked Shmidt. “I did the research I needed to in order to get a good grade. I guess my teacher just stinks.”

This was not a research paper. Shmidt’s class was tasked with doing an analytical essay on Frankenstein being more of a monster than his own monstrous creation. There was no need for outside research. When questioned further, Shmidt admitted to having never even read the book.

“It’s soooo boring. I can’t tell what’s happening half the time, and the other half of the time I sort of just zone out and think about playing football. I never read the books for school anyway. After all, Sparknotes exists for a reason… right?”

Sparknotes, commonly used by high school students, is a website that gives summaries and analyses for books that are difficult to understand or have a layer of deeper meaning. While it can be utilized as a secondary resource to help after already reading the assigned text, it is discouraged by most teachers because it discourages original analysis and promotes skipping required reading assignments.

“Jon clearly didn’t understand Frankenstein at all, and he obviously wasn’t trying to either. We had multiple in-class discussions and I gave plenty of time for reading the book during class, yet, he would always sit in the back and play video games on his computer. The grade I gave him was generous. I don’t usually give up hope that a student can be successful, but Jon, well, I think he's gone off the deep end,” said Shmidt’s teacher in an interview.

Although quite harsh, the essay itself was nonsensical and parts were clearly copied off of Sparknotes. Perhaps the 29% was a valid grade after all.

“I really hate Sparknotes now,” declared a heated Shmidt. “I can’t believe it caused me to fail this paper. I worked so hard on this stupid essay, but my stupid teacher and stupid Sparknotes is gonna cause me to fail this stupid class. Man, my parents are gonna kill me.”

When asked how far along he was on his class's current book, Shmidt refused to comment.