Christmas is a time of joy, cheer, hot chocolate, and most prominently, Christmas lights and decorations. But when is the correct time to put up Christmas lights? After Halloween? After Thanksgiving? When should the decorations come down? New Year’s Day? President’s Day? Easter? As a Jew, I have surprisingly strong opinions on the matter. As soon as the temperature outside begins to fall, Christmas is in the air. We often see that immediately after Halloween, houses in my community begin to display their Christmas lights. The problem is that my neighbors are skipping a fantastic holiday, Thanksgiving! I realized that my friends and neighbors needed help and guidance, and after much consideration and, even anguish, I have been compelled to develop the “Heschel”, a unit of Christmas decoration intensity used to determine the time period for which Christmas decorations are acceptably displayed.
I have named the Heschel measurement unit after Abraham Joshua Heschel, Jewish theologian and philosopher. Heschel challenged the concepts and traditions of Judaism, and the Heschel measurement unit honors the iconoclastic resistance of its namesake and defines a new norm for Christmas decoration exhibition. To quantitate the Heschel measurement and assess the intensity of the Christmas decorations, the Heschel is measured on a twelve-point scale based on the quality and the fervor of each kind of decoration on the house, e.g. wreaths, lights, candles. The total number of Heschels for all the decorations is summed and divided by the number of types of decorations on the house to create a mean Heschel score for the house. This mean Heschel measure is then indexed to a specific amount of time during which the decorations are permitted. I established an exponential relationship between the Heschel measurement and the duration for decoration display to allow the number of display days to decrease non-linearly as the Heschel value increases. Empirically utilizing the 2021-2022 calendar, I derived the exponential function f(h)=107*(0.82)h to determine the number of decoration display days from the Heschel score. This function describes the “Heschel Curve”. Essentially, the more intense the decorations, the greater the measured Heschels, and consequently the less time that these decorations should be exhibited.
How is the Heschel Curve applied in practice? For example, my neighbor’s decorations are fairly middle of the road. These decorations can be broken down into a few categories: lights, wreaths, and candles. The Heschels for each category are measured and summed, in this case 15, and then divided by 3 (the number of decoration categories) to calculate the mean Heschel score of five. Now, using this measurement in the Heschel curve function, we find that 5 Heschels allows these decorations to remain outside for a total of ~40 days with the division of days between those before and after Christmas Day at my neighbor’s discretion. Twelve Heschel houses are extremely rare, but trust me, they definitely exist. The television show “The Great Christmas Light Fight” is a Christmas decoration competition showcasing the most extravagant decorations. Such impressive but blinding houses measure 12 Heschels and are only permitted 10 days, for instance from December 15th to December 26th.
My new Heschel measurement is here to help. Religion and its iconic symbols live and breathe with growth and evolution of our world, and Christmas decorations are no exception. Follow the Heschel Curve, and the perfect timing to install and remove Christmas decorations will be revealed. I promise; I do love Christmas. I love Christmas movies, lights, cookies, and Mariah Carey. But it’s a matter of timing; we can’t normalize it. Measure the Heschels, and put up lights for the indexed number of days before Christmas. When Christmas Day finally comes, enjoy meals, songs, and time with family and then continue to enjoy decorations’ sights and sounds until the Heschel Curve indicates the time has come to take them down. Christmas is over, so decorations need to disappear until next year. Decorations help make the holiday season magical, but it is important to emphasize that everything is best in moderation. Using Heschels, together, we can keep Christmas the most special time of the year.