Guys, I’m Literally Right Here

by Rachel Talcoff

Published April 1st, 2022

Recently, I’ve been approached by many, both online and in person, speculating that I have mysteriously disappeared from NHS grounds to an unknown location in the southern hemisphere. I’m not sure where these ridiculous claims began, but, as the days go on, their allegations seem to grow in strength. Day by day, night by night, the words “where did you even go” haunt me as if an auditory hallucination, or paracusia.

But why would someone like me, Rachel Talcoff, a true Needhamite for life, choose to leave the comforting domain of Needham High and the suburb at large? The answer… I wouldn't! Sure, I’ve missed a few days here and there, but nothing comparable to the allegations of a four month leave of absence.

Quite honestly, I’m offended by the suspicions. Is my presence truly that small that the grand masses believe I have just got up and left?

If it will make you feel better, let me prove to you that I’ve been here. On Monday, Senior class member Peyton Whirley was wearing a pair of blue, wide cut jeans with a black belt, on Tuesday, Sophomore class member Lucy Mackey was wearing a white zip up hoodie and a pair of converse, and on Wednesday, the one and only Bayley Basson had applied a coconut scented cream to her curls. Such nuanced comments could only have been made by someone who was fully present at the scene, don’t you agree?

All I can say in response to these insulting claims is that you guys are losing your minds, or, as the kids say, you’re all “tripping” – just don’t trip too far, you may reach South Africa.