Fall in Love with Hilly the Hilltopper

Hey guys! Hilly here. I’ve been on the TikTok a lot and it's making me pretty lonely. I see all these cute couples getting ready for the holidays and I want that too. I may just be a character that lives inside some people’s head and then they pull me out when they need an article to write, but I still have feelings. Anyway, I’ve decided to fall in love. After watching all the episodes of “Modern Love” on Hulu and the theme song five hundred times, this hopeless romantic decided it was time to try out love for myself. Thus, I found this New York Times article (I know, I’m sophisticated) about “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.”  

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

This is a toughie. But, I can sure tell you who I wouldn’t want as a party guest: a young person who has made irresponsible choices and thus is going to pass Coronavirus to me and my family. Sorry, I’m just a little salty-- but at least I still have the ability to smell!!!! Again, kidding, but not really. But really, I’m looking for my soulmate right now and I can promise that my soulmate doesn’t party in a pandemic. 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

My dream in life is to literally be Melinda Gates. I know I’m just an idea of a fictional character, but I want to fully take over the brain of Melinda Gates and live her life for her. Is being a billionaire unfair? Maybe. But so is the world where I’m not married to the hunk of William Henry “Worth 118.4 Billion United States Dollars” Gates, The Third. I mean imagine my whole life would be giving away copious amounts of money and feeling like a good person, while at the same time waking up in my 66,000 square foot mansion in Washington State, or eating lunch prepared in one of six kitchens by the 60 foot pool with underwater sound systems, and maybe after I’ll ride one of my horses around the racetrack and veterinarian suite at our home in Rancho Pasadena, and I’ve only visited two of our many properties. Basically the only famous I would ever want to be is married to a very rich man- like Elizabeth to a Darcy, but I don’t even need the hundreds of pages of awkward sexual chemistry. I just need the copious amounts of cash and the feeling that I’m doing something good for the world. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

In honor of Thanksgiving (which happens to be my favorite holiday), I thought I’d take a crack at this question. In my life I am most grateful for the existence of Harry Styles. Now you, my lovely reader, may be thinking, “what a weird response from someone looking for a partner.” And to that I say you may be correct, but let me explain my thought process. It may be better to get the obsession out in the open before we dive into a mysterious and intense love affair. I mean after all, our relationship should be 50/50. They should cater to my every need and I should view them as my second favorite person after Harry Styles!

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

I wish I had someone with whom I could share the endless pain of being a conscious mind without a conscious body or even a sense of self. I exist not as anything you have ever seen--my mind has been used for almost a hundred years by high schoolers desperately trying to be cool in their high school newspaper. (This one goes out to you Mr. McNeice). 

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

C’mon. This is Hilly the Hilltopper. Nothing is too serious to joke about. Do you think I, a figment of the NHS students’ imaginations, have the emotional capacity to take things seriously? If you answered “yes” to that question then you are seriously mistaken. 

(Actually, I've thought of something… you can’t joke about going to a party in a global pandemic!)