Advice from Hilly (Nov 2020)

Dear Hilly,

There's a black Jeep that parks really badly in the school lot and I’m really scared they’re going to scratch my car. Should I confront them? 

Sincerely,

Scared for my Car’s Wellbeing

Our advice is to wait outside their car for them to return and offer to give them parking lessons. They definitely want your help and will be so appreciative. You might even get paid! Let us know how it goes! 

If this doesn’t work, which would be shocking, you may also want to try the preemptive measure of wrapping your car in large amounts of bubble wrap. This will not only help your car but also can help your social status because you will look like a responsible queen. 

Dear Hilly, 

I’m in love. They have luscious brown curls and the most beautiful green eyes. It is like looking into a field of grass on a bright sunny day. I’m getting emotional just thinking about them. UGHHHHH. Issue: They are dating my best friend. Do I let them go or do I follow my heart?

Signed,

Struggling and In Love

I think I know who this is about. Do they have a best friend? Try their best friend or your best friend. If this doesn’t work and you are still in love, we recommend a promposal in front of the entire school, no matter the time of year or circumstances of the pandemic. An over-the-top display of your affection, potentially including, but not limited to, balloons, live animals, a car, and fire dancers are sure to show them that you care. We are so sure that this will work that we promise to end all Hilly the Hilltopper operations if things go south. 

Dear Hilly, 

I’m deeply confused and frustrated with how our society chooses to label the foods we eat. I’m hoping you have an opinion. Is cereal soup? 

Struggling and In Soup

This is a stupid question. Of course it is. Just like how hotdogs are sandwiches, poptarts are ravioli, and kangaroos are people, cereal is definitely soup.