After months spent alone in self-isolation, it seems as though a new wave of high school hopeless romance has spread about; of such couples, we have seen a colossal number venture to a deeply treasured local venue: Truly Yogurt. You see, while young love birds navigate with glee toward the finest ice cream shop, the store’s employees have found themselves in great melancholy. Long-time employee and current sophomore Molly Silver relayed to us her deep concerns regarding the controversy. In a lethargic manner she commented, “Every day I am reliving my worst nightmare. The clock strikes 9:59, and I begin to clean up. Then suddenly, an awkward Needham couple strolls in, displaying their PDA, and begins to order their ice cream. They can never seem to make up their minds when I ask them what they want. Every couple that has come in will take at least thirty minutes to make up their minds, and by then I have already contemplated my entire existence as a single person. Do not even get me started on when it comes time to pay. It is always the same thing over and over and over again. ‘I will pay.’ ‘No my mom gave me money; I will pay.’ ‘But I will buy you whatever you want.’ BLAH BLAH BLAH! Nobody cares who pays for this three dollar ice cream! While their money is greatly appreciated, I am encouraging all of you newlyweds out there to maybe skip your anticipated trip to Truly’s, at least until I get a boyfriend…” In honor of Silver’s anger and deep concerns for her own loneliness, we have created a list of the top five date spots and activity ideas other than making the traditional journey to Truly’s.
Take a Historical Tour Through Needham
Believe it or not, Needham has a sufficient number of historical sights! Are you and your history buff just looking to brush up on some local facts? While taking pride in being created prior to the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Needham Bowlaway, located adjacent to Harvey’s Hardware, may just be the perfect spot. Have some fun in the bowling alley, then spend some time flipping through paint colors, and one empty wallet later, you have had yourself an exquisite night.
Make it Easy and Enjoy a Romantic Meal in the School Cafeteria
If you are seeking a more distant environment for your date, the school cafeteria is sure to provide. With desks a whopping two miles apart from each other you can pleasantly enjoy the most delightful fish sticks and perhaps a movie played on the screens as well.
Subway’s Always an Option
For some, the school cafeteria may just not be sufficient. At Subway, you are sure to be satisfied with gourmet Italian sandwiches and cozy sofas. Oh, and did we mention that the painfully bright LED lights make for great ambiance?
Needham Town Center’s a Hit
If food or historical outings don’t float your boat, taking the outdoorsy approach to a date may just be it. Sitting on the lush, itchy grass, surrounded by the laughs and tantrums of toddlers with their annoyed mothers is sure to create a picturesque moment. If you two get bored alone you could also pretend to have more friends and hold hands with Needham’s infamous statue.
The Junction
Imagine you and your date have just ordered your favorite flavors of ice cream. The sun is shining, children are laughing, and all is well in the world, but suddenly, you are overcome by a wave of hatred toward your partner. With every waking minute you want to slap that ice cream cone right out of their hand. Well, it is at this moment that you have to make a run for it. Thanks to the location, you have a convenient escape plan. You get on the next train. You tell them you are going to Boston to meet your aunt’s cat. You don't have an aunt with a cat. Really you take the train to the airport where you spontaneously buy a plane ticket to Switzerland, where you find a cottage in the alps, develop a mountain-man lifestyle, and never see your repulsive high school love again. The end.