Here we go again! It’s that time of the year again when doing your work seems optional because the idea of taking a nap is just so much more appealing. It’s that time of the year again when senioritis feels like it’s also applying to juniors, but not first years and sophomores. It’s that time of the year again when the treacherous month of March is ending and the winter rot feels as if it’s lifting with the lightest touch of sunshine. But, then that rot continues to fester when you’re stuck inside because the weather cannot decide if it wants to replicate winter or summer. Man, I love the almost-end of the school year!
The almost-end of the school year is defined as the end of the third quarter and the beginning of the fourth. It’s essentially a call to burnt-out students around the nation that they have a very limited time to make an academic comeback, and to start rising above the title of academic victim (a title to which many of us can relate).
But hey, it’s okay if you don’t have all A’s in your classes! According to many of the parents of Needham High students, not having straight A’s means no college, which means no job, which means no future, which means you’re going to live a sad life as a failed entrepreneur who tried to start a business bringing fidget spinners back. Reassuring, isn’t it? What a lovely amount of pressure to put on students who can feel their hair falling out from their lack of sleep! (Speaking from experience). No amount of hair growth serum can save them now, but that’s okay, right? Who even wants hair when a perfect academic transcript is all that matters?
It’s also a really good time to remind yourselves that many people have a harder life where they don’t get a form of education. So, even when you feel as if you want to throw yourself off a cliff, you can’t, because you’re just being dramatic. And if Speak Out has taught us anything, mental health is extremely important, so just ignore the massive piles of work and go on a walk and become a transcendentalist. Henry David Throreau has nothing on you.
Here’s the philosophy of this time of the year: If it’s causing you stress, it’s not worth it! The only way to recover is to create an alternate reality for yourself so that you can delude yourself into thinking everything will be okay. And yes, some people do get therapists, but is that really realistic in this economy? Remember, you’re trying to recover, not hurt yourself (and your wallet) more. Plus, going to guidance is not an option. What time does anyone have to stop by for ten minutes to talk about feelings when being an academic weapon is my only feeling? I don’t have time for anything, especially not talking about feelings. Feelings don’t even exist. Academic weapon who?
Continuing, it’s that time of the year when pop culture references start to have a cynical twist to them. For example, #coquette becomes #coquitting and #ithinkilikethislittlelife becomes #idontlikethislittlelife (I’m still owning my peace Mr. Sicotte, I promise). Also, the urge to send out-of-pocket email conclusions is driving me into orbit, and not in a good way. How fun would it be to say, “I’m not living, laughing, or loving” instead of “sincerely.” Or maybe “I’m a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed” instead of “have a great day” (Lil Wayne anyone?). While on the topic of pop culture, I just have to say -- what on earth is this Karma song Jojo Siwa is dropping? It’s my last straw. Are you really a bad girl? Did you really do some bad things? The worst thing you did was release this song. Just a cherry on top of the most wonderful time of the year.
Once again, this almost-the-end-of-the-school-year bit is the hardest part to get through, but just remember, you do this every year! Nothing changes. So underclassmen, you’re #onyourownkid. Sorry. Juniors, we’re almost there. Keep your eyes on the prize! Seniors, get out of here, and have fun living through this period of hell during the next phase of your education. But hey, don’t forget, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, so happy spring!