Staff are already the majority of the people in the building using the one-room bathrooms at NHS, and I think we can all agree that they deserve to defecate in peace, away from the common school-children rabble. You may be asking, “Where will gender-non-conforming students use the bathroom?” It’s simple: outhouses are to be installed in both the inner “Fire Hazard Garden” on campus, as well as at the bottom of the hill by the Memorial Field Parking Lot. Students are already used to trekking halfway across the school to use one of the two ungendered bathrooms, so the difference in distance will be minute. Students will no longer have to waste precious learning time waiting outside the gender-neutral bathrooms, only to be greeted by an embarrassed staff member and a puff of hot, stinky air. Faculty can finally excrete in peace, without pesky students loitering outside bathrooms. On the topic of this new change, one teacher states, “It’s about time. I was getting sick and tired of feeling guilty for making students wait to use one of the only two bathrooms available to them. Now I can poop proudly.”