Friends and Relationships
November's focus for NAMI on Campus Clubs is all about Friends and Relationships.
Learning about "Healthy Relationships" and how to help when someone needs a friend, and how to support friend who are living with mental illness.
Wondering How to Help a Friend?
It takes a lot to talk about one's mental health experience, and that should be acknowledged. If a friend talks to you about the struggles they are having due to their mental health, your duty is to be understanding and supportive. If you are starting to notice a change in your friend's behavior, don't be afraid to let them know. You also don't need to take this on all on your own. Ask your friend if they are okay with you talking to someone who may be able to help them in a way that you can't. Emotional boundaries should always be considered when supporting your friend so that you maintain your own mental health. Some good people to go to in this situation can be another friend, family, a teacher or counselor, coach or faith-based leader. If your friend doesn't want to open up to you, let them know it's okay and check in on them regularly. You can also become more informed on mental health conditions.
Get Talking about Mental Health with Your Friends
Billie Eilish
Ava Max
Markiplier
V-A-R® is Active Minds’ everyday guide for everyday challenges. It’s about showing up for one another in our everyday struggles.
The letters V-A-R correspond to three steps: Validate, Appreciate, Refer®. The steps are easy-to-understand, easy-to-do, and easy-to-remember. They provide a guide to listening and responding in a helpful way.
V-A-R conversations can take many forms — phone, in-person, text message, Facetime. The medium doesn’t matter as much as the message that you care.
VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS
APPRECIATE THEIR COURAGE
REFER THEM TO SKILLS AND SUPPORT
Just three simple steps. But it means so much.
This tool is meant to show the many ways you can talk about mental health with people in your life. But, everyone's experience is different. So, if you think, "wait, that's not how I feel," you're probably not alone. Use these words as inspiration, but also feel free to find your own.
It’s becoming increasingly more common for Hollywood to highlight mental health conditions in films. Because mental illness affects millions of Americans, it’s an extremely relatable theme. Sometimes, these movies show mental illness in a way that is inaccurate or stigmatizing. For those in “the business” who don’t have lived experience, it can be difficult to depict.
However, there are some movies that realistically show what it’s like to experience mental illness. Here’s NAMI'S LIST of movies that get it right. Please follow your school district's guidelines for permission regarding viewing movies with your students.
Movies can help students see the complexities and joys of a wide variety of relationships, including friendships and family, infatuations and first romances, enduring commitments and marriage. Discussing movies helps young people connect ideas in film to choices in real life.
The Dibble Institute provides movie guides to help unpack important concepts, empower youth to learn what “healthy” looks like, and help young people understand why family formation matters.
If you have a family member or friend who has been diagnosed with a serious mental illness, you are probably wondering what you can do to help. Explore Mental Health Conditions and Topics, questions about Helping Someone with Mental Illness, and strategies for supporting someone close to you.
Things You Can Say
At a loss for the right words to say? A few ideas:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately.”
“I just wanted to let you know you can talk to me about anything, in case you’re struggling with something.”
“How are you feeling? What’s going on?”
“Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself?”
“Are you OK? How can I help?”
“Have you talked with anyone else about this?”
“I’m concerned because I care about you.”
“Can I help you find someone to talk to who can make you feel better?”
“Can I walk with you to the counseling center?“
“Can I be with you while you text/call this hotline?”
Eight Tips for Talking About Mental Health
1. Set time aside with no distractions:
It is important to provide an open and non-judgemental space with no distractions.
2. Let them share as much or as little as they want to
Let them lead the discussion at their own pace. Don’t put pressure on them to tell you anything they aren’t ready to talk about. Talking can take a lot of trust and courage. You might be the first person they have been able to talk to about this.
3. Don't try to diagnose or second guess their feelings
You probably aren’t a medical expert and, while you may be happy to talk and offer support, you aren’t a trained counsellor. Try not to make assumptions about what is wrong or jump in too quickly with your own diagnosis or solutions.
4. Keep questions open ended
Say "Why don’t you tell me how you are feeling?" rather than "I can see you are feeling very low". Try to keep your language neutral. Give the person time to answer and try not to grill them with too many questions.
5. Talk about wellbeing
Exercise, having a healthy diet and taking a break can help protect mental health and sustain wellbeing. Talk about ways of de-stressing and ask if they find anything helpful.
6. Listen carefully to what they tell you
Repeat what they have said back to them to ensure you have understood it. You don’t have to agree with what they are saying, but by showing you understand how they feel, you are letting them know you respect their feelings.
7. Offer them help in seeking professional support and provide information on ways to do this
You might want to offer to go the GP with them, or help them talk to a friend or family member. Try not to take control and allow them to make decisions.
8. Know your limits
Ask for help or signpost if the problem is serious. If you believe they are in immediate danger or they have injuries that need medical attention, you need to take action to make sure they are safe. More details on dealing in a crisis can be found below.
www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/supporting-someone-mental-health-problem
Mental illness is no one’s fault.
Because millions of people in the U.S. live with a mental health condition, you are likely encounter people with a mental illness in your family or in your daily life. However, if you are unsure of how best to approach someone who may be struggling, these tips may help.
Be a Friend
Start a Conversation with a Card
We believe in the power of “are you ok?” It’s a simple question, but it can change someone’s day. Or even save someone’s life.
Download free refreshingly honest greeting cards that help start the conversation
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 •
Text "LOVEIS" to 22522
Resources for teen dating abuse
There is a lot of truth behind the common saying, In order to have a great friend, you must first be one.
So how can you learn to be a great friend? What does it take?
How Will I Know If Something’s Wrong?
One of the most important ways to be a good friend is to help your friends when you notice something is wrong. This includes helping them get the support they need and deserve if they are experiencing a mental health condition. This might seem like a big task, but it doesn’t have to be.
What should I do if I’m worried a friend is struggling with their mental health? We’re breaking it down into 3 easy steps, because reaching out can save a life.
Check In.
Just Listen.
Take Action.
While you might hang out with your friends a lot, the reality is that you're not always physically with them. While texting, group chats, and DMs can be common forms of keeping in touch, they can cloud any evidence of concerning body language or tone you would typically see hanging out in person. So how do you know if something is off?
Keep an eye out for these signs that could indicate your friend is struggling with their mental health.
One of life’s greatest gifts is having a best friend. If you have one, you are truly blessed. But you no doubt also know how painful it can be when your best friend is mad at you. Many a friend has spent sleepless nights due to a broken relationship with a best friend. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell exactly what went wrong – if it’s something hurtful you did without realizing it, or if it’s just a misunderstanding. Maybe someone told a lie about you to try and drive a wedge between the two of you.
Friendships are so important! You need friends and healthy friendships to feel good about yourself. You need people who get you, who you can laugh with, do stuff with, and just hang with, but also get support from during difficult times. A friend is someone who you love, honor, and trust and they feel the same towards you.
An empathy to action film campaign breaking down the barriers to important conversations on mental health issues in communities of color.
Following teenagers in the POC community who are battling mental illness and how it affects them in their everyday life. This film is one of four short social-impact documentaries co-produced by GlobalGirl Media + Women’s Voices Now, summer 2018.
Pre-Film Reflection and Post-Film Discussion Questions are included.
short films + meaningful dialogue
A Beautiful Mind examines the life of the famed mathematician John Nash and his lifelong struggles with his mental health. The Movie Guide provides a simple matrix with thirteen questions exploring the characters in the movie, and their journey through mental illness, its effects on family and relationships and the path to healing.
Four Lessons from “Inside Out” to Discuss With Kids
Happiness is not just about joy.
Don’t try to force happiness.
Sadness is vital to our well-being.
Mindfully embrace tough emotions
View the movie as a club, or assign it and then review the Greater Good article together.
Getting Relationships Right
What Does It Take to Build Relationships That Help Kids Be and Become Their Best Selves?
In this talk, Dr. Kent Pekel shares five essential actions that adults can take to build developmental relationships with young people in families, schools, programs, and other settings. Using findings from Search Institute's research and his personal story, Pekel provides powerful but also practical ideas for anyone who wants to create connections with kids that put them on the path to thrive.
