Grief & Loss
Students, if you are processing a loss in your family, among your friends, or struggling with processing any loss -- please reach out to your school counselor or the Wellness Center. We are here to support you and help you find resources to process all sorts of emotions, including grief. If you want to be called in send an email or complete the referral form above, or just drop in to the Wellness Center for support during the school day.
During Summer: Contact 211 or text HOPE to 20121
THE STAGES OF GRIEF (Kübler-Ross)
There are some predictable stages that sometimes people—adults, adolescents, and kids—pass through after losing something or someone important. In her work on death and dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined five stages of grieving. This is the most commonly understood pattern for grief, but it is not the way all people grieve. It is shared because many are able to understand the process a little with these 5 stages.
Shock and Denial. The first reaction to loss is often the inability to feel anything. May include feeling numb, weak, overwhelmed, anxious, not yourself, or withdrawn.
Anger. Blaming others for the loss. Kids may be angry, irritable, and difficult to get along with.
Bargaining. “If you’ll just let my mommy live, I’ll promise to do my homework every day.”
Depression. Feeling deep sadness, disturbed sleep and eating patterns, thoughts of suicide, excessive crying.
Acceptance. Beginning to look for the lessons of the experience.
Kübler-Ross said that the grieving process involves experiencing all five stages, although not always in this order. She also said that people often cycle back and forth through a number of the stages before coming to the stage of acceptance.
It is important to know that everyone grieves differently. Your responses to loss will probably be different from those of your friends or others you know. If you are a parent supporting your child, you can help your child express their grief, but you can’t tell them how to grieve.
Grief must be expressed. The purpose of the grief process is to help one learn to accept the reality of the loss and to learn from the experience. Cutting it short prevents the process from being completed. Parents, avoid sending the message that the grieving should end before they have time to express it. The sadness will end. Healing will happen. Parents, you can remind your child that the sadness will end. Your child will not feel bad forever. He or she will heal.
Get plenty of rest. Grief is extremely stressful, and it requires energy to manage the stress.
Talk about the loss. People sometimes avoid talking about the loss as a denial mechanism. However, this prolongs denial and the grieving process. The Wellness Center, school counselors, parents, or outside therapists all are all good resources. Also, getting together with friends to support each other in a group is another great option, but start with support.
Give yourself downtime. It is OK to take a break to process. Take opportunities to pause and care for yourself when you need it. You may need to ask for consideration from teachers, please do reach out if you need support in allowing yourself downtime to process.
Maintain a normal routine if you can. Get up in the morning, go to bed at night, and eat meals at the same times as always if you can. Go to class, play sports, exercise, and take good care of yourself.
Get or ask for help. The greater the loss, the more it will be needed. There are resources on the Wellness Center website (bottom) as well as through the counseling office. Parents, f your child doesn’t want to be alone, or if he or she wants to be a little less independent, make it okay for now.
It may help to keep a journal to process thoughts. Writing about one’s feelings helps to express them, rather than keeping them inside.
Avoid making extreme life changes. Don’t make any important decisions until life feels more balanced. It can be tempting to make some important changes right after a major loss in an effort to feel more in control. If you can, put off such changes and decisions until later.
Understand that grief will not harm him or her. Although grief is painful, your child will survive and even grow from the experience. Grief is a part of life, and helps us overcome.
Expect to revisit stages of grief. Grief is a spectrum of thought, and comes in waves. Reversal in the recovery process will occur from time to time. This is normal. It may happen unexpectedly, but it probably won’t last long.
Acknowledge the anniversary of the loss. Get support, prepare for strong emotions as anniversaries can be a difficult day.