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Ok, lets just get straight to the point. This movie is about a laundry folding machine that devours people. Sounds pathetic right? Well it is. Its difficult to imagine some person on this earth actually thought the idea of a carnivorous laundry machine feasible. After all though, we've all seen movies of much worse caliber. So here we are, looking at the storyline of The Mangler. In a nutshell, it goes like this. A laundry machine has been possessed by a demon, an evil so great that people must be sacrificed in order to satiate the beasts hunger. By itself, the machine isn't actually capable of really doing anything. People have to almost feed themselves into the contraption in order for the demon to take hold. Thus, the element of sacrifice is applied. The boss of the factory, played by none other than Robert Englund himself, enjoys the sight of his employees being gobbled. He is visibly seen laughing as an old women is sucked in and quote on quote, "folded like a sheet". Apparently, Mr. Englund is in bed with the demon himself, and thus supports the vicious limb folding that occurs throughout the film. Numerous parts of the movie don't make any sense, and for the parts that do, they are horrible. The protagonist, played by the famous Ted Levine, is a rather refreshing part of the movie. For such a deplorable film, his acting is actually quite good.  Levine's role in this film is the typical depressed cop who is out to stop evil in a neighborhood where, for too long, crime has been of regularity.  Throughout The Mangler, there are many things you may scratch your head at, especially the parts where they actually try to make the story plausible. Apart from that though, the gore level of this film is surprisingly rather high. Sure, the creature in the film is a laundry folding machine, but can you imagine what would happen to a body that has been crushed and folded in something like this? Watch The Mangler and you will see the outcome. In itself, the movie isn't very good. Even by B-movie standards, it sets the bar quite low, but for its disgustingly bloody effects, I have to give the movie some credit. With surprisingly nice performances from both Englund and Levine, I will award this carcass swallowing movie one out of five stars. After all, how bad can a movie about people-eating laundry machines be?...

Rating: 1/5 Stars

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

Director: Stephen King

Stephen King directed this movie. Thats right, horror-novel writer, Stephen King. If that isn't already bad enough, the film is about mac trucks who come alive and kill people. It was around sixth grade when my friend Bryan came to me and said, "You have to see this movie, its about trucks that come alive and marauder people". Naturally, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Later that day, he brought the movie over to my house, and we popped it into the player. The first 20 minutes of the film explained how the trucks actually came alive, it was stupid. Supposedly, comets can cause short-circuits and make machines come to life. At least, thats what Maximum Overdrive suggests. Though a predictively ridiculous plot, the movie is actually quite hilarious. Let me just say that people get fucking trampled in this movie. I mean, there is one scene where an old fart bag gets plowed into the ground by a semi. In another scene, a soda machine comes alive and starts shooting kids in the face as they run for their lives. One kid gets on his bike, falls off, and is than massacred under the weight of a steam roller. You actually see his head implode as the steam roller casually drives over his carcass. Later into the movie, some bitch gets her boobies blasted in when she talks back to an army vehicle. Thats right, she is actually killed for yelling at a motor vehicle. What could possibly be more hilarious? Anyway, in retrospect to the actual plot...there really isn't one. A bunch of people hide inside a gas station when the machines come alive. They remain inside the station for most of the film as to protect themselves from the homicidal rampage going on outside. Eventually, the group devises a plan to stop the chaos. Generally, I thought the movie was pretty good in B-Movie standards. The death's were amusing, the acting was terrible, and the plot was sub-standard. I couldn't have asked for anything more. Maximum Overdrive deserves a solid 3 stars out of 5. As a last note, you may recognize Emilio Estevez in his early years here.

 Rating: 4/5 Stars                            

                                     

                                

Motel Hell (1980)Director: Kevin Connor

 People are roasted in an oven and made into beef jerky. At first I couldn't believe the concept of this movie, or how anyone ever thought it up. It turns out, I really liked the film. One thing that I noticed from the start of Motel Hell was that the acting was appalling. The female protagonist of this movie was just terrible I cant think of any other words to describe her acting other than agonizing. In this film, her response to dire situations is as theatric as the look on a dead boar's face. The hideous bitch to the bottom right of the screen also made my viewing experience less enjoyable. Every single time she walked onto the screen I wanted to punch the fat off her face. Aside from the miserable acting, this movie has all the right stuff to make me happy. As I stated before, Motel Hell is about a farmer and his sister who kill human beings, strip their organs, and than slow-cook their carcass in a brick oven. After they finish roasting the remains to perfection, they peel the skin into layers and sell them as beef jerky in their shop.  If you still don't think this movie is weird, than consider this fact. Before cooking the people, they stick them into the ground, rip out their vocal chords, and feed them ground beef. At one point in the movie, the main character explains that what they are doing is wrong, to which the farmer replies "We treat them nicely, we don't use any preservatives." What I find hilarious is that their meat is considered the best in town! Anyway, I thought this movie was really interesting, and I had a really good time watching it. There are also a couple scenes of boob floppage, if thats what your into. For a great time, you should definitely give this movie a look.

Rating: 4/5 Stars