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                                                    Brain Damage (1988)

Director: Frank Henenlotter  

This movie was fucking great. I hadn't really heard much about it until recently, so I had to give it a try. I cant even begin to explain how bizarre this film really was. Most 80's horror movies are relatively pointless, most of them cheesy, but Brain Damage is not a movie to be taken lightly. Set in a rural neighborhood, Brain Damage is a film about drug addiction and the effects it can have on the human population. Now before you say "Shit, another drug movie?," let me tell you, this isn't any ordinary film by any means. To start off, let me point out the fact that an ENORMOUS slug-like entity injects a toxin into the main characters brain, through the back of his head, which acts as a hallucinogenic. To illustrate how ridiculous this thing looks, I have placed a picture to the bottom right for your viewing pleasure. Now, in addition to this, the slug-like entity also needs to feast on other human brains, which he does so by SUCKING THEM OUT OF THEIR HEAD. In one specific (graphic) scene, the main character receives oral from a prostitute outside a club. At first it seems as though the dirty deed is going to go over as planned, however, it is until she ends up SUCKING ON THE SLUG THAT SHE GETS HER BRAINS EATEN INSTEAD. If by this time you haven't decided to purchase this movie, than I don't want you reading my article anymore. Seriously, if you aren't going to buy it, than fuck off. If you do plan on buying it, however, know that this movie is very good on more than one level. Apart from the generous body count, Brain Damage has an intriguing storyline and powerful message. I recommend this movie to everyone who is interested in the genre. Enjoy!

Rating: 5/5 Stars

             Chopping Mall (1986)

Director: Jim Wynorski                                 

There are some horror movies that I like to consider hidden treasures. Its not so much the fact that they are bad, but that they weren't promoted very well. Chopping Mall isn't the type of film that one should take too seriously, in fact, it is a complete joke. With that being said, I would like to explain why I enjoy watching this movie so much. I have seen many slasher film's, some better than others, but when you bring robots into the mix of things, its a whole different ball game. Watching robots kill people in a multitude of ways is much more interesting than one would think. To express my gratitude for this movie, I would like to point out the fact that a half-naked women gets her head blown into several pieces across a hallway floor. The cheesy acting is right on par with other typical 80's films, and the soundtrack adds to the hilarious experience as well. Everything about Chopping Mall screams "special effects", it just depends on your actual definition of "special". If you are still unconvinced, all you need to do is look at the gruesome poster above. Chopping Mall is a fine example of classic 80's film making . Give it a look, its sure to please.

Rating: 3/5 Stars

          C.H.U.D (1984)

Director: Douglas Cheek 

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. This is the sentence for which C.H.U.D  is an acronym for. This is also the sentence that stood out to me while browsing through the over-priced DVD selection at FYE. When I got back to my house I popped in the movie, and began to watch. The very first thing that caught my attention was Daniel Stern, the random as shit guy who played the skinny robber in Home Alone. What caught my eye after that was John Heard, the random as shit guy who played the dad in the same film. I couldn't help but wonder if the two men ever talked to each other during the filming of Home Alone,  "Yo, remember that movie we played in where those hideous creatures would feast on innocent civilians?". Getting back to the movie, I might as well explain the plot. As one would assume from the title, there are creatures that live beneath a city, and make their way by munching on human carcass. The catch is, the monsters were created from the disposal of toxic waste into the cities sewer system. Though many of the victims are bums who live within the sewers, other people begin to get eaten, such as the random John Goodman, who is unsuspectingly mauled to bits when one of the creatures escapes. As you can see by the picture to the right, the monsters simply cannot be explained. What the fuck is that thing? Its disgusting. Anyway, as the movie pans out, the objective becomes to eliminate the nasty cannibals. Though a bit ridiculous, the ending is somewhat enjoyable nonetheless. I would recommend this movie to most people not only because its interesting, but the acting is actually a rather pleasant surprise. The film moves at a good pace, an overall quality production.

Rating: 3/5 Stars

             Dead Alive (1992)

Director: Peter Jackson

 Once in a while there comes a movie that produces a ton of shock value. Some of these movies are disturbing, others are simply gruesome. After watching Dead Alive, the only term I can confidently use to describe it is "vomit-inducing". I have never in my entire life seen a movie so disgustingly repulsive. Never have I seen something so vulgar and distasteful at the same time. As one may have guessed, such an abomination of a movie could only be placed at the top of a horror collectors list. Nothing in the world is more satisfying than the sight of many horrendous zombies being ripped into heaps upon heaps of mauled flesh by a lawnmower. That's right...a lawnmower. Now before I move on, I would like to direct your attention to the picture on the bottom right of this section. What you are looking at is the decapitated remains of a still-standing zombie. The geyser like fountain pouring from his vertebrae is only one of many scenes involving such atrocities. In fact, the Internet Movie Database claims that Dead Alive is the bloodiest movie ever created. If that last sentence has not encouraged you to move your ass off the chair and to the nearest video store, than you need to be hit repeatedly over the head with a television set. Dead Alive is easily one of the best B Horror movies I have ever seen.

Rating: 5/5 Stars