Solvay Jokes

The Devil Made Me Do It

Two guys from Syracuse, NY die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed inparkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Syracuse, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, you know."

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hotdown here, can't you guys feel that?" Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told you yesterday, we're from Syracuse, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, you know."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Syracuse and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself." The two Syracusians reply, "Well, yaknow, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Syracuse, we've just got to have a cook out when the weather's this nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Syracusians. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrongwith you two? The Syracusians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know, if hell froze over, that must mean the Orangemen must have won the National Championship."

You know you've lived in Syracuse too long when...

You know every possible cat-related Solvay joke.

During your morning drive, you can accurately forecast how warm the day will become judging by the intensity of the stench wafting off Onondaga Lake.

You know the correct pronunciation of "Pompey."

You no longer need to brace your eardrums when exiting the pressurized Carrier Dome.

You take out-of-town friends on drives past developer Bob Congel's house on Woodchuck Hill Road.

The word "iniquity" inspires images of a bejeweled hand gesturing from the

edge of a grainy black-and-white television screen on Channel 3's Monster

Movie Matinee.

You call the intersection of Salina and Jefferson streets "Downcity."

You can tell all the Hafner establishments apart.

You know the name of the guy who does all the voice-overs for WCNY-Channel 24.

You go to Sainte Marie Among the Iroquois and amuse yourself by asking the 17th-century "re-creators" what they think of the ongoing waterfront redevelopment project.

You still refer to 500 S. Salina St. as the Chimes Building and Sainte Marie Among the Iroquois as the French Fort.

Your children dream of being on WIXT-Channel 9's "Storm Team."

You saw Vanessa Williams when she made local appearances as Miss Greater Syracuse.

Your chest bursts with pride when Syracuse's climate runs as the top story on cable TV's Weather Channel.

You know the three women cited by the name of the now-defunct but once-delicious Caroma Restaurant.

You have the time and temperature number memorized. Extra points if you recall it as GR4-8481; double points if you know GR stood for Granite.

You're beginning to suspect that the time and temperature lady actually died

years ago and her voice is now computer-generated and preserved for all eternity.

You know where to find parking spaces in Skaneateles. Extra points for finding free parking spaces anywhere in downtown Syracuse (see Syracuse Shortcuts sidebar).

You're surprised that people from other parts of the country know nothing about lacrosse.

You stood in a long line to see Blow Up at the Cinema East, when pubic hair did yet not have an MPAA rating.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

You miss Bowling for Dollars and its host, Bud Hedinger.

The waitresses at the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que are intimidated by you, instead of vice versa.

You recall the days when Tobe's Cherry Street smoker was the only bona fide barbecue in town.

You remember the key to open the door of local TV's Magic Toy Shop.

You think Nancy Larraine Hoffmann carelessly abandoned a promising career as a go-go dancer.

You know that Onondaga Lake Parkway is really Route 370, which used to be Route 57 and is called Second Street in the village of Liverpool, and you know that Tulip Street, Morgan Road and Euclid Road are actually one and the same roadway.

Your idea of fun is to pack a picnic lunch and go watch the mosquitoes get sprayed in Cicero.

You know what a "spiedie" is and pronounce "coney" like it has two o's.

You automatically give speeding cars with Canadian license plates the

right of way on I-81.

You think that they really don't have enough weather coverage on TV and radio.

You remember when Armond Magnarelli had a real head of hair and Stan Colella

was skinny as a rail.

They've chopped down a tree from your property and dragged it into Clinton Square for the holidays.

You've eaten clams surrounded by the clamshell-covered walls at McCarthy's on South Salina Street or Cap'n Mac's Clam Snug on Erie Boulevard East.

You remember doughnuts at Abe's and burgers at Tarbe's Grill.

You think they could squeeze in a few more parking spaces downtown if

they'd only get rid of that pesky Jerry Rescue monument.

You can determine how much a person's house is worth by the way he or she pronounces "Skaneateles" (see sidebar on How to Talk Like a Syracusan).

You know in your heart that before the apocalypse, the yin-yang sign at Marble Farms ice-cream shop will start revolving again. Extra points if you remember when it did revolve.

When the wind blows just right, you can tell when steel is being poured at Crucible Specialty Metals.

You can explain to visitors what salt potatoes are.

You remember when the original Phoebe's served soul food.

You heard Chuck and Gap Mangione perform at the 800 Club as the Jazz Brothers.

You already feel kind of nostalgic about the slowly disappearing tank farms of Oil City.

You remember Fairmount Fair. Bonus points for remembering it before it expanded at the western end; double points for remembering it before it was enclosed.

You've shopped at the Penn Can Mall. Bonus points if you remember its jingle or know that it's named Penn Can because of its location between Pennsylvania nd Canada.

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

You remember a Democratic congressman being elected from Onondaga County.

You know not to drive through Baldwinsville's Four Corners between 3 and 7 p.m.

Your favorite memory of former Mayor Lee Alexander is of him strolling into a Hotel Syracuse elevator with a blonde on one arm and a brunette on the other.

You've attended a Syracuse Firebirds game.

You held season tickets to both Syracuse Blazers hockey and Syracuse Scorpions soccer games.

You attended a Syracuse Chiefs game at MacArthur Stadium. Bonus points if you attended a Chiefs game at Municipal Stadium.

You've shopped at Switz's novelty store in North Syracuse.

You know how to decode the weather star on top of the MONY Tower (see sidebar).

You found out that Post-Standard political correspondents Gus and Luther F. Bliven were not two different people.

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

The mosquitoes in your yard have legal landing lights.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You still harbor mixed feelings toward Peter Andreoli for prosecuting John Mulroy and other local Republicans for political fund-raising shakedowns.

You saw the Police and the Romantics at the Firebarn Tavern before they had any hits.

You've eaten a frittata at Poodle's and Jim's on South Salina Street or Mario's Little Gem Diner (now known as Doc's Little Gem Diner).

Your favorite radio talk show host will always be Corny O'Leary.

Attending the State Fair is a family tradition, and you go more than three times during the 12 days it's open.

You remember when the limebeds broke and oozed out everywhere.

You've shopped at the Tri-County Mall.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

You characterize the four seasons as winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of Genny Cream Ale and a bucketful of Buffalo wings.

You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh?

The pungent smell once emitted from the Corenco rendering plant on Erie Boulevard East still lingers in your mind's nose.

You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months.

The Westcott Theater still makes you think of the long-running romance A Man and a Woman, and memories of the old Franklin Art cinema make you think of Linda Lovelace's Deep Throat.

You know that Speach, Curtis, Goudy and Knapp are actually Italian names.

You remember when Doug's Fish Fry had only one location, and you remember when owner Doug Clark actually liked the First Lady.

You know that anybody named Tarolli either hails from Solvay or has relatives there.

You still think of Channel 9's Mike Price as Baron Daemon.

You've noticed that True Value Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

You remember when all the hookers worked on South Warren Street and most of them were transvestites.

You think driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow and snowbanks protect you from the guardrails.

You know the service elevator shortcut out of Hotel Syracuse's 10th-floor

Grand Ballroom.

You suffer a heart attack while shoveling snow out of your driveway.

--Submitted by Nancy Duda Mezzanotte 01/23/01

The latest......You know you've lived in Syracuse too long when........

You know every possible cat-related Solvay joke.

During your morning drive, you can accurately forecast how warm the day will become judging by the intensity of the stench wafting off Onondaga Lake.

You know the correct pronunciation of "Pompey."

You no longer need to brace your eardrums when exiting the pressurized Carrier Dome.

You take out-of-town friends on drives past developer Bob Congel's house on Woodchuck Hill Road.

The word "iniquity" inspires images of a bejeweled hand gesturing from the edge of a grainy black-and-white television screen on Channel 3's Monster Movie Matinee.

You call the intersection of Salina and Jefferson streets "Downcity."

You can tell all the Hafner establishments apart.

You know the name of the guy who does all the voice-overs for WCNY-Channel 24.

You go to Sainte Marie Among the Iroquois and amuse yourself by

asking the 17th-century "re-creators" what they think of the ongoing waterfront redevelopment project.

You still refer to 500 S. Salina St. as the Chimes Building and Sainte Marie Among the Iroquois as the French Fort.

Your children dream of being on WIXT-Channel 9's "Storm Team."

You saw Vanessa Williams when she made local appearances as Miss Greater Syracuse.

Your chest bursts with pride when Syracuse's climate runs as the top

story on cable TV's Weather Channel.

You know the three women cited by the name of the now-defunct but once-delicious Caroma Restaurant.

You have the time and temperature number memorized. Extra points if

you recall it as GR4-8481; double points if you know GR stood for Granite.

You're beginning to suspect that the time and temperature lady actually died years ago and her voice is now computer-generated and preserved for all eternity.

You know where to find parking spaces in Skaneateles. Extra points for finding free parking spaces anywhere in downtown Syracuse.

You're surprised that people from other parts of the country know nothing about lacrosse.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

You miss Bowling for Dollars and its host, Bud Hedinger.

The waitresses at the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que are intimidated by you, instead of vice versa.

You recall the days when Tobe's Cherry Street smoker was the only bona fide barbecue in town.

You remember the key to open the door of local TV's Magic Toy Shop.

You know that Onondaga Lake Parkway is really Route 370, which used to be Route 57 and is called Second Street in the village of Liverpool, and you know that Tulip Street, Morgan Road and Euclid Road are actually one and the same roadway.

Your idea of fun is to pack a picnic lunch and go watch the mosquitoes get sprayed in Cicero.

You know what a "spiedie" is and pronounce "coney" like it has two o's.

You automatically give speeding cars with Canadian license plates the right of way on I-81.

You think that they really don't have enough weather coverage on TV and radio.

You remember when Armond Magnarelli had a real head of hair and Stan

Colella was skinny as a rail.

They've chopped down a tree from your property and dragged it into Clinton Square for the holidays.

You've eaten clams surrounded by the clamshell-covered walls at McCarthy's on South Salina Street or Cap'n Mac's Clam Snug on Erie Boulevard East.

You remember doughnuts at Abe's and burgers at Tarby's Grill.

You can determine how much a person's house is worth by the way he or she pronounces "Skaneateles".

You know in your heart that before the apocalypse, the yin-yang sign at Marble Farms ice-cream shop will start revolving again. Extra points if you remember when it did revolve.

When the wind blows just right, you can tell when steel is being poured at Crucible Specialty Metals.

You can explain to visitors what salt potatoes are.

You remember when the original Phoebe's served soul food.

You could walk through Crouse College and hear all those practice organs being used.

You heard Chuck and Gap Mangione perform at the 800 Club as the Jazz

Brothers.

You remember Henry Fogel of WONO-FM hosting the Syracuse Symphony

fund-raising marathons. Bonus points for remembering Henry Fogel broadcasting classical music from his apartment.

You already feel kind of nostalgic about the slowly disappearing tank farms of Oil City.

You remember Fairmount Fair. Bonus points for remembering it before

it expanded at the western end; double points for remembering it before

it was enclosed.

You remember listening to the WurliTzer Theatre organ at the

Landmark Theatre. Bonus points if you attended a feature at the Eckel.

You've shopped at the Penn Can Mall. Bonus points if you remember its jingle or know that it's named Penn Can because of its location between Pennsylvania and Canada.

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

You remember a Democratic congressman being elected from Onondaga County.

You know not to drive through Baldwinsville's Four Corners between 3

and 7 p.m.

Your favorite memory of former Mayor Lee Alexander is of him strolling into a Hotel Syracuse elevator with a blonde on one arm and a brunette on the other.

You've attended a Syracuse Firebirds game.

You held season tickets to both Syracuse Blazers hockey and Syracuse Scorpions soccer games.

You attended a Syracuse Chiefs game at MacArthur Stadium. Bonus points if you attended a Chiefs game at Municipal Stadium.

You've shopped at Switz's novelty store in North Syracuse.

You know how to decode the weather star on top of the MONY Tower.

You remember it snowing on Palm Sunday and having the temperature hit 80 degrees on Easter Sunday.

You found out that Post-Standard political correspondents Gus and Luther F.Bliven were not two different people.

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

The mosquitoes in your yard have legal landing lights.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You still harbor mixed feelings toward Peter Andreoli for prosecuting John Mulroy and other local Republicans for political fund-raising shakedowns.

You saw the Police and the Romantics at the Firebarn Tavern before they had any hits.

You've eaten a frittata at Poodle's and Jim's on South Salina Street or Mario's Little Gem Diner (now known as Doc's Little Gem Diner).

Your favorite radio talk show host will always be Corny O'Leary.

Attending the State Fair is a family tradition, and you go more than

three times during the 12 days it's open.

You remember when the limebeds broke and oozed out everywhere.

You've shopped at the Tri-County Mall.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

You characterize the four seasons as winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of Genny Cream Ale and a bucketful of Buffalo wings.

You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh?

The pungent smell once emitted from the Corenco rendering plant on Erie Boulevard East still lingers in your mind's nose.

You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months.

The Westcott Theater still makes you think of the long-running romance , A Man and a Woman, and memories of the old Franklin Art cinema make you think of Linda Lovelace's Deep Throat.

You know that Speach, Curtis, Goudy and Knapp are actually Italian names.

You remember when Doug's Fish Fry had only one location, and you remember when owner Doug Clark actually liked the First Lady.

You know that anybody named Tarolli either hails from Solvay or has

relatives there.

You still think of Channel 9's Mike Price as Baron Daemon.

You've noticed that True Value Hardware on any Saturday is busier

than the toy stores at Christmas.

You think driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow and snowbanks protect you from the guardrails.

You know the service elevator shortcut out of Hotel Syracuse's

10th-floor Grand Ballroom.

You suffer a heart attack while shoveling snow out of your driveway.

And, speaking of snow, you remember actually having snow during

Winterfest.

More "You know you're from upstate New York when ...." (from Dave Noce)

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to Rochester for the weekend.

3. You measure distance in hours.

4.. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

6. You use a down comforter in the summer.

7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

10. You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, fish, and wings.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Stewarts store at any given time.

13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and you can see the deer coming....

15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.

16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

17. It takes you 1 hour to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush.

18. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends.

19. You know what "Salt Potatoes" are and that they are obtainable all year long from Price Chopper.

20. People actually cheer when it appears that we are about to break the all-time seasonal snow-fall record of 192.2".

Did you know that Solvay has a computer game? Take a look at "Solvay Run......Solvayrun is set many [y]ears in the future in the city of Solvay, New York."

"You know you are from Upstate NY when..."

1. You only have 3 spices-salt, pepper and ketchup.

2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

3. Mosquitoes have landing lights.

4. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

5. You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

6. True Value Hardware is busier on any given Saturday than a toy store at Christmas.

7. You live in a house with no front steps and the front door is 3 feet above the ground.

8. You have been trick or treating in a blizzard.

9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

10. You think everyone from the city has an accent.

11. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only 8 buttons.

12. You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.

13. At least twice a year your kitchen doubles as a food processing plant.

14. Most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

15. You get your snow blower stuck on the roof.

16. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday. (Well isn't it?)

17. You frequently clean the grease off your barbecue to keep the bears from prowling on your deck.

18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

19. You have kept food cold by putting on the back porch.

20. The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

21. There is only one shopping plaza in town.

22. You find -20F a little chilly.

23. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

24. You attend a formal event in your best clothes and finest jewelry and snowmobile boots.

25. You play road hockey on skates.

26. Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

27. You know the 4 seasons-almost winter, winter, still winter and construction.

28. The town buys a zamboni before a bus.

29. You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Upstate NY friends.