To Clara E. H. Langland

TO CLARA ELIZABETH HILLE LANGLAND

                April 21, 1884 – March 11, 1970

Mother of Mine

It’s time to write another letter to you.

It’s been too long:

Twenty-five years, in fact.

And today is your birthday.

When I was a child

We had a piece of sheet music on the piano,

“Hello, Central, give me Heaven,

for my mother’s there.”

I read and sang it with sorrow,

And with gratefulness that you were with us

And alive.  I thought how awful

It would be if you weren’t.

I think I never told you that

And how in my backwards way

I knew how evenly you held us all

Together in cycles of foundation.

No matter the times I spunked or sassed you.

I remember how once you looked at me and said,

“I don’t know how you got to be so stubborn” --

And scarcely turning I answered,

“I don’t have to look very far

to see where I got it.”

You smiled in recognition

In spite of yourself and me.

I want to thank you now for your stubbornness,

And for your unswerving addiction to caring

In body, in mind, and in spirit

For all of us, and also for yourself -

wherever that might lead you.

I want to thank you also for laughing

When our father cracked jokes

Even if that was the last thing

You thought you wanted to do.

That was a moment to remember:

When you abandoned yourself to laughter.

I wrote of your addiction to caring.

To care can mean many things:

It can mean to feel trouble or anxiety

It can mean to feel interest or concern

It can mean to give care to or for

It can mean to have a liking, fondness,

Or taste for, to have an inclination:

It can mean all of these

As it surely did in and for you.

And it can mean economy, a lack of waste,

And it can engender a sense of grace

In those who yield to its power

To pace out the lines of their lives.

I saw and still see all of this in you.

It would be less than honest

To say I know where you are

After these twenty-five yeas.

But on this April 21, 1995,

I am sending you this letter.

I think it will find its way.

                                Lois Langland

                                April 21, 1995