Clarinet
How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
What's the definition of "nerd?"
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
Q: Why did the clarinet player marry the accordion player?
A: Upward mobility.
What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a clarinet
"The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two."
-- The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce