Clarinet

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

What's the definition of "nerd?"

Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?

Gifted.

Q: Why did the clarinet player marry the accordion player?

A: Upward mobility.

What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop up a clarinet

"The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two."

-- The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce