v1.3
Thank you Catalina,
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. I have not forgotten, and its not that I am lazy or putting it off or anything like that. Sometimes it takes me longer to complete tasks up to my level of quality. And othertimes it's that somethings are harder for me to stick with and finish, . And I wanted to complete and answer all of your questions. I wanted to give your response the time that it deserve because you put the time and energy into responding.
I copied your email so that i can make sure that I don't miss anything.
Coon,
(Coon's response in red)
I did in fact read your response to the end. thank you I found it very insightful and would like to take the write the kind of response your recovery letter deserves. It will allow me time to ask the right questions and the wrong ones to be better able to track where your mind is going, your recovery goals, and so on.
One thing I do know, and I am sharing from experience, is that alcoholism is an every day battle that you have to be willing to fight. The way that it makes you feel makes you ignore its negative consequences. One has to make the conscious decision to turn away from temptation and deal with life as it comes to you good point. and i am very aware of the challenges. Like you said, "The only thing that you have any control over in this world is how you react to things." I have full faith and confidence that you will be successful. Dont be afraid to ask for help and know that there are people who care about you. You saw that Mike and Sean and GySgt Bashant were there... I'm sure had more people known, more would have been present. We do care about you and want to see you succeed.
Talk to you.
***Always here for you*** thank you
2nd email
First things first... What did this "intensive treatment" consist of? Was it classes on the damaging effects of alcohol, the psychological aspect of why we drink, alcoholism as a whole, overcoming alcoholism? There are a million different topics that can and should be covered when discussing alcoholism and the body and mind's desire for it.
the intensive treatment was in patient treatment staying at the hospital. substance abuse classes in the morning, some group therapy, and more classes in the afternoon. and AA or NA meetings every night.
As mentioned in my previous email, alcoholism is something you have to fight every day. Like depression, there is no miracle cure for it. Sometimes the smallest incident can drive us back into the ever open arms of alcohol. Years of soberness can be ruined by the smallest detail. We do not want or need this to happen to you. You are stronger than that and hopefully with time, alcohol will no longer be your enemy. You ARE too smart for this to destroy your life. As corny as it sounds, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. So where do you think your second step should be? Forget what therapists say, tell me what YOU think your next step should be and why.
really good question. i like how you specifically asked me what my next steps are...
I admit that I am an alcoholic. no question about that. it's genetic, others in my family are also alcoholics, i have see the trouble it has caused in their lives. and i completely understand that alcoholism is a continual battle. i am aware of the particular dangers that alcohol pose to me. and in rehab i did get a first hand look at what could happen if alcoholism takes over your life. the good news is that i am not that far along yet. i am not going to let alcohol ruin my life. the first most important thing for me is to never drink alone. ideally never drink again...
the good part that i have found about myself is that i don't crave to drink. especially if i have my medicine, I am fine and have no desire to start drinking. the problem that i have is once i start drinking, it's hard to stop. i can't control it once its started, so it is best for me to just not drink at all.
the next step is AA and NA meeting. i actually really like these meetings, and i find them both to be helpful. I have found that I relate to the NA groups a little more, but it doesn't matter which meetings i go to, they both accomplish the same thing: to stay sober.
the thing that i like the most and found surprising about the meetings is that they are not just for current drunks and druggies. i love the overwhelming message of unity and hope that is at everything single meeting. no matter who you are, you are not alone, and these people at these meetings are there to help. i am very attracted to the service aspect of these groups. at first you go to get help. after you are better, you keep going, to stay clean, and you give your help to the struggling newcomers.
so all the bad experiences that people have in their lives are not all a waste, if you can use the experience to help other people. and that is what i am going. i am getting better myself. i am going to keep going to these meetings, i am volunteering and helping keep the program going.
i foresee that AA/NA are organizations that i am going to be part of for years to come.
it take's an addict to know how it feels, how to help and to offer hope that things will get better.
and I being a recovering addict, and also having an unquenchable drive to give service back to those who are in need. this turns out to be a good place for me. and i only have to go to 1 or 2 hours of meetings a week.
Let us turn our focus to your desire to be a teacher. Why do you want to be a teacher? What about this profession draws you to it? Mike and I have heard you discuss many different professions that you, at one point or another wanted to pursue. What do you have to offer your prospective students? You already have a degree, can you apply it towards becoming a teacher or do you have to go back to school for it?
another great thought provoking question.
i want to be a teacher because
i have a strong desire to give service to others
i have a lot of knowledge over a wide range of subject (notably science, history and languages)
i love to explain things
i love to talk about science
i want to be a teacher because it feels like the right thing for me to do.
you are right about the fact that i have talked about many different professions, and i really do need to narrow it down (finally)
When I first started going to SUNY Albany, I was undecided. The first major I picked was East Asian Studies Major- i wanted to translate for business or something. then after 2 years of Japanese, i found that it was not my strongest field, so I switched to Sociology after much deliberation. unfortunately i choose this field without a clear career path in mind. i just assume that i would be able to be a Sociology professor someday.
in addition to getting a normal job, i also want to start a little tutoring business.
this is still in development, but i think it is a good idea. and i am motivated to pursue teaching privately. check out what i am working on if your interested
https://sites.google.com/site/davywcoon/
I recall you telling us about your ADD and how you missed the way the medicine allowed you to focus. Why did you come off your medication in the first place? Looking back, how did drinking help you cope with your ADD? Did it allow you to focus or was being intoxicated a way for you to not have to think about the numerous paths your thoughts were taking you on? I do not doubt you when you say that ADD is burdensome but I do not know too much on the scientific aspect of it. If you would, I would like more time to become better informed in the subject. As someone who used to self medicate, I try to avoid medication but do know the positive effects of it. I believe that with the right therapy one can teach the body and mind to operate the way that it would while medicated. This is a subject that we should revert to once I have done more research.
How did you feel after your first DWI? Did you understand the seriousness of it?
August 2006
My first dwi was in the summer of 2006. it was terrible. i lost my car, my job and i didnt drive again for 1 full year.
April 2011 dwi was worst. i was out in a strange city all by myself. I ended up blacking out and trying to drive home. all sorts of disaster followed. but thank the lord that I and no one else was hurt. this is the incidence that really made me realize that something was wrong, and that i needed help. it was this event that got me to the VA for the first time. The VA psychiatrist put me on Welburtin. I believe that it helped, it made me stop smoking cigarettes within just 1 month of starting taking it. But I also stopped drinking altogether when i started taking this. and i was doing really good. i didnt drink all summer, then one night in december i a drank a little and drove. it wasn't anything near as bad as the April dwi, but it was this one that really messed up my already messed up life even more...
Please elaborate why you felt you weren't taken seriously about your ADD.
where do i start? to say the least the VA system is not very flexible, and they are not used to someone like me coming in there. i at first completely accepted that i was an alcoholic/drug addict user loser just like everyone else. i was the only one there that had never done herion before... but over time, i realized (re-realized really) the true nature of my own problems, and i began to focus on seeking the special kind of treatment that would benefit me the most (this is the main subject of the first email)
i realized that i am not a drug addict. that's just not me
but i was in a drug rehab program, and to some of the VA counselors, that is the one and only thing you are, and the only thing that you are there for it drug rehabilitation.
and i was not going to be getting any treatment for ADD, no medicine, no special therapy.
they told me to just try harder, that nothing was wrong with me except drug use. just sit down and focus. (this is a classic problem that parents and teachers of children with ADD make)
i think to best explain this further, i share with you a response i got from a night time nurse i met while i was at the VA. she wasn't a counselor, she's a RN, she was also an air force vet too.
she was without a doubt the smartest person i met at the VA my entire time there. and that includes all of the doctors, psychiatrists and so-called social workers. i have a lot of respect for this nurse, and i was pleased with her response to my recovery letter.
Heya David!
<heavy sigh>
Where to start?
As you can see, I am writing from personal email, not to cross professional boundaries but rather a desire to speak freely.
First things...I am so sorry about the situation with you & Royal. Working nights, I don't attend any meetings so I only know what is told to me briefly in the change of guards between myself and Dan. I was just as blindsided as you were. I am low ranking in this department & my opinion counts for little but here's my thinking---if it does nothing more than to let you know we don't all feel the same way.
I get it about the ADD meds from the SARRTP extreme perspective---that as a stimulant, they are considering it a drug. The line between alcoholics & drug addicts is simply semantics, alcohol is a drug. If you are asking for a stimulant, then you weren't taking the rehab to heart & didn't learn anything. I don't agree with this line of thinking but ok, so that's what they think. That being the case, IMHO, they should have "staffed" you (a term they use meaning a come to Jesus meeting--get with the program or else) way early on & said, "David, if you keep this up then maybe this is not the right program for you, or the right time." Maybe you would have left, maybe you would have been more selective about what you said, & maybe you would have loved their position for nothing more than the remaining days to give it a try (?maybe they are right....or maybe you would have learned even when you tried it their way wholeheartedly, it still didn't help).
You got treated the way you did for 2 reasons---first because ADD is not our area of expertise. I don't think ADD was recognized until the 70's & the average patient here was a child well before that, not likely to be diagnosed even if they had it. Women vets are facing the same difficulties here. We have all kind of hammers to deal with nails & you show up and say you're a screw? What? No, you're a nail dammit! It's the very argument for good primary care--they are the HCP likely to entertain all possiblilities, while a specialist may look at diagnosising a symptom from their own speciality area.
The other reason is an odd culture here that the opinion of those underneath you is suspect, not valid, or worthy of consideration. It is very odd & nothing like I have ever seen before. I am sure you have heard this before, but you are very smart--and so smart that it scares people. Maybe you are too young to recall the hair commercial where the model says "don't hate me because I am beautiful". It's sick how people will try to tear down people who are successful.
One of my favorite quotes is small people talk about other people, average people talk about events, & great people talk about ideas. You have made me re-evaluate my thoughts on the whole ADD meds idea (you made a valid point with the depression example). I can see the ADD & drinking connection---something I was trying to figure out when I asked you if you knew drinking & driving would lead to trouble, why did you start?
I understand the whole mind wandering thing too--it plagues me too...and alot of people I know as well. Are we all on some sort of ADD spectrum--some of us having it worse than others or is just part of being human? Would zero ADD tendencies create a whole population of type A personalities? There's a whole wide concept to talk about!
One last thought. Something I learned about medicine in general---the solution to the problem changes the problem.
OK...I have a to do list I am ignoring! (in the words of my son, "Constant novelty saps initiation"
You're alright David!
Before I left NY you had started selling those vacuum cleaners and seemed to be very focused on making a successful business. What happened to that? How did you end up homeless?
oh yes, the Rainbow business. I started working for (commission only, independent contractor) a Rainbow Distributor company called Pure Home in June 2011. It was direct sales of a premium cleaning system. The Rainbow really is the best cleaning machine I have ever seen, without a doubt, it's also the most expensive, and direct sales are unquestionably the most difficult of all sales jobs. It was super hard at first, but i know that anything worthwhile is difficult at first. so i persisted and keep going, i knew it would pay off. i practiced and studied everyday. I was in control of my own success. yeah it was challenging, but that is what i wanted.
in the end, it was a combination of losing my licence from the April '11 dwi in September, at the height my sales career, destroying my prospects as a salesman. but it wasn't just that. i started working with one shady dealer who sent me to work work for someone even shadier, who eventually fired me (if you can get fired from something that your not even being paid to do.)
all this and my living situation was unstable, my social life was out of whack and my finance run out and my credit dried up. by December, i had lost just about everything, my car, my cell phone, my job, my girlfriend, my home and my hope...
then things got even worse when i got the dwi in december, a few days before Christmas.
i brought all of this on myself. i did all of this myself. it is all my doing, i deserve what i have brought upon myself.
the good part is that it is not all that bad, and it could be much worse. i know people who have it worse. and i learned lots. i have gained this valuable experience from all of this. from the risky business venture, to drinking and driving, to jail time. all of this experience has shaped me. and i am a stronger man as a result.
Let us address your issue with "taking care of life's business." As motivated as you are about playing the piano or becoming a teacher, we need to shift some of that motivation to every day business. There is a direct correlation between being able to take care of life's business (taking action and completing goals) and success. I am sure you already know that. You cannot focus on painting the big picture unless you have all the paints and brushes you need. Your professional and personal success are the picture you are trying to paint. Paying bills, taking care of legal problems, etc are some of the brushes you need. Would you like some help getting your finances on track? Do you have a job right now? We can set up goals for you, track your progress, make sure you start saving money for your future. I would love to help you do this if this is something that interests you. i do need help. i don't have a job. i am actively searching and applying.
i accept your offer to help me make and complete personal and professional goals and also to monitor progress and saving money.
I am going to conclude my email with the following topic: Now vs. Not Now. Your definition of "now" is most likely different than mine. For example, I consider "now" to be anything I want to accomplish within the next 6 months and "not now" is for long term goals like enrolling and finishing grad school. If you would, tell me in days/weeks/months how you define the two. Also, what are your goals for NOW?
I define now as in today, and tomorrow morning. everything else is not now.
You provided a lot of information and if you dont mind, I would like to share it with my husband and get his input on any areas that I may have missed as well as any ideas he may have that would be beneficial to you.
i do not mine if you share this with you husband. you seem very happy together. i am happy for you. i am sorry that i have never had the pleasure of being introduced.
I want you to know that I am here for you always and will do whatever I can to help you.
thank you, i will take you up on that ;)
I thought it would take me longer to respond but I am sitting at the airport on a layover and what a better time to do it than NOW. =)
i didnt think it would take me this long to respond. thank you for your patients
and thank you for everything else. you are a good friend Catalina.
-David Coon