Sign Story

Tony, (from Brighton 1977, before), was a master at not working.Living on Social Security. he knew ALL the angles. (His homework!)
Sitting on his double bed, reading books, or playing chess (Very rarely beaten)and sipping his cider all day.
But . .
This is the danger of being unskilled:He had to take anything they threw at himor lose the dole & accom..
This was in my Hippy "Drop out" days in Brighton. 1977Where Tony's room was 'Open House' in a squat.to the strangest characters.Quite an education!
His favourite drink I painted on his donkey jacket - his birthday present.Bumped into him and his girl friend Cher, in London.~ in a pub of course ~
The pub above was just off the Kings rd. Chelsea.He was there on the dot of opening time 10.00 until it closed at 2.30
Then opening time 5.30 to last thing at night. He loved the life.The "Repartee".

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YET, another one with no skill.Doing ALL he could to avoid "work" !
Last time I saw him was '83,on a drizzly day, in the street,shovelling sand into a concrete mixer.The DHSS had finally cornered him.
Should have learnt a trade in the meantime!Instead of gassing in the pub all day!

One of the first jobs. Wardour St. Terrible photo.

"WHAM!"

I have just remembered an incident from this time -Guy wanted Lichenstiens "WHAM!"painted on the wall outside his basement flat window.

I came in on the second day, to continue.A different guy showed me in,Then started beating me up!WTF!!His friend was beating up my guy, as well!!Eventually they left.
He told me:He had been a witness against them, for something.And now they were out of prison . . . .
They were so "pumped up"They did not distinguish between him and me.
S**T happens!The picture called "WHAM" was rather ironic!

Small accurate lettering

in their chosen style
painted BACKWARDS on the inside, to read ok from the outside. 2 coats of quick dry paint plus clear varnish.Using that red tape that falls apart in the rain.So you put the spacing marks on masking tape,and place beneath the red tape.

The photos above and below, are typical of what paid my rent & 4 or 5 pints of 'Courage Directors" Bitter every night ~~ with an Indian Curry later, plus red wine.

I do not want much out of life.Simple pleasures
Believe it or not -I have NEVER wanted a car or a house!Basically becausethey were more trouble than they were worth.
I'd need others in to pay the mortgage offThat, in itself, is the best reason for not wanting a mortgage!The trouble they can cause!and possible court cases.Never mind the endless Council taxesand the guttering needing repairs
Cars, well . . Just never into cars . . Endless expenses.and endless traffic jamscannot see the point."Speed" does not "turn me on" at all.except on a scooter!
Sit on the top deck of a busand read a good book -MUCH safer and cheaper!Probably quicker!and no parking,no "road rage"No stress . . .

ABC SIGNS.

Manchester square off Oxford St. I could not find it. All seemed residential. There was a half page advert in the Yellow Pages.Cannot be a place you'd miss easily.
Then a small plaque on a wall. "ABC Signs" and down a spiral staircase. Tatty lino floor and damp hardboard panels . . and the painting section in a crumbly ex wine cellar. What's going on?
Nigel of the 2 phones.
Phone ringsClient . .blah blah blah . . .How much?
Nigel picks the other phone to his sign maker . . blah blah blah . . how much? . . . 100 . . OKNigel picks up the customer phone . . . 250 Sir.

Big advert = Big company.
I fell for that too! ~ therefore "capable, responsible" etc Even though they did pay more.But to a Company it would not matter.

But, whilst I was there, hardly anyone visited. It was my job, most mornings, to go and see the clients, in order to clarify things.
Bus hopping in central London.
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This firm was supplying Guinness signs for Spain.Endless phone callsshaving prices up and downbetween -
1) - The Guinness representative,
2) - Nigel (representing the Italian entrepreneur boss)

3) - and the guy who was actually making them.

(No.1 would love to cut out No.2 !!!)

Original photo LEFT Then "Inkscape" reconstructions

EXPERIMENTS

Experiments using an airbrush on perspex. Rimini style
~ Apply light adhesive to the perspex, cut out the design, and airbrush the space ~
but this time gradations, fading, to make the letters look like reflective chrome. Dry with a blower, and apply another light tack film for the next color.
It looked ok day and night.
Before its time. This was 1986. It came into being when the computer and photoshop arrived a good fifteen years later.
But many snags ~ the airbrush spluttering blobs. Almost impossible to conceal.
The adhesive pulling the paint off.
A light sanding on the perspex to increase the grip of the paint ? ~ then the paint crept under the stencil.
And, of course, the client wants something cheaper, and these take time . . .So it never took off.

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AN ARM AND A LEG

Did a fascia for "Pharmaceutical Supplies" for 100. Background in black, already painted3 - 4 hours work
They phoned back 2 days before they were due to open. The local press would be there.
They had discovered they could not use the word 'Pharmaceutical' ~ It was registered / copyright, by the chemists. They had to use the word 'Natural' instead.
"Paint the word out and I'll do it for 25"It would save me time waiting for it to drybefore I started the lettering
Mistakes happen.

My 'friend' chipped in.He needed the money. He suggested that he pretend to be my boss.
He went in with some story about "He had to take me off another urgent job."
They did not believe a word of it, of course.But it was their problem of finding another sign writer before Friday
AND the words' STYLE -
i.e. Matching up the new word - "Natural" to my other one - "Supplies" - already done.

He charged them 80We had 40 each.
He had an aggressive attitude I did not have.Almost certainly caused by a wife and child and a mortgage.
He had them in a corner and took full advantage.I only had the pub at night.
And I was very flexible.And reasonable, usually.Just tell your friends.Keep the jobs rolling in!
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More of this guy later . . . .

Above. Lettering with transfer gold leaf.

        You dust the area with talcum powder.     Paint the letters through the talcum with gold size (glue).    Wait till the glue feels touch dry.
    The gold leaf is inside a little 'book' lightly tacked to the pink pages.     Take a leaf out, and press the gold to the (almost dry) glue.     Peel off the pink paper page
    Use a very soft brush and flick away the gold.     The gold will stay where the glue is, but not where the talcum powder is.
Sounds straightforward, but you cannot control the drying time. e.g. The gold does not always stick to ALL of the letter area.
In any letter area, some of the glue has dried out ~ so the gold does not stick.And in another part of the letter, the glue has dried 'just right', so the gold sticks.
Even small letters

So you retouch the letter here and there.and press more gold on.        But if you have touched the talcum area with your knuckle or finger whilst painting, the gold will stick to the background.
It can drive you LOONEY
So there could be lots of niggly cleaning up to do.
Can be a real problem cleaning off bits of gold on a mirror-varnished background . . . without leaving ANY marks.
In fact, unless you have got a GOOD price, or you are behind in the rent and there is nothing else - best to leave it alone.
There is no sense of pride when it's finished - just "Thank G that's over with!"
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I tried the loose leaf, for windows. This gold is not attached to any pages.Very tricky to handle.
Saw a guy doing a window.    He dusts the glass inside with talcum powder / fine chalk.    Paints the letters back to front on the inside, in egg yolk
    Deftly flicks the brush on his hair to get the static electricity. Touches the corner of a small square of gold leaf with the tip of the brush, and in a very practiced movement, places it exactly on the letter.
THAT'S the tricky bit.
The gold square covers the letter, and sticks. It also covers an area surrounding the letter, which, of course, is covered in talcum powder.So does not stick. That's the idea of the talcum. As above.
Then he dusts it all very lightly, and the gold which is lying on the talc, falls away.
Then paints the back of the letter black, with a little 'extra', to serve as the outline.
Later he varnishes the letters.
The money was incredible.(Nowadays, it's stick-on vinyl.) Clients were Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists etc.
I tried a few times . . .Maybe with a little patience I would have got the hang of it,But I was into doing "quickies".One day. Half a day.

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JUST FOR FUN -Guy had four vans.I painted one every week end.He wanted the numbers "1", "2" "3" & "4"on each one.
We finally settled on"4", "9", "12" & "19" So it appeared he had 19 vans (at least) !!
No harm done.

CLACTON on SEA

Just had a good run in North London10 vans for an Ice Cream firm. Pictures on the sides. @ 180 each.
Italian. Always the Mediterranean cultures who want pictures, Never the northern countries! UK.

But a very cold and drizzly February.Painting with gloves on.Woolly gloves or leather,the fingers lose their sensitivity.
So to Clacton on Sea for the summer. 9 retired signwriters in town! So I was told.
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Odd jobs for the local sign co. Wood and Son.Boards on the pier. 1930 petrol tanker - like a big toy.
Nice to be out of London for a while
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He is getting into computer graphics. This is 1988. The shape of things to come.

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Up and down the ladder, but could only hold one colour at a time . . .

Otherwise . .

Holding a small cardboard box in your left hand

with 4 paint pots & turps . .

Using your elbow only, to steady yourself as you climb.

- and your right hand, of course.

If some careless idiot bumps the ladder,

or it slips a little, to stabalize,

you instinctively grab the ladder

WITH BOTH HANDS!

-and the paint box falls!

BIGGA DE MESS ALL OVER DE PAVEMENT!

So half a cup over the pavement

is not too much of a worry . . .

HAMBURGER MAN

Hardly ever short changed.

The main culprit at the time

was this so-called 'friend' who wanted to 'help'.

(This was the guy who charged 'Natural Products' 80.)

He would arrange the advert,

get the ladders, do the negotiations.

And add on for himself . . .

As long as I got my quote, why not?

But he always held some money back. -

So that I would not run away?

Or because

I would not go into "partnership" with him ?

The first thing he suggested was a "company" van -

He'd use it instead of his car -

and the petrol paid for by "yours truly"?

I was very jealous of my hard earned independence

PERTAINING TO THE ABOVE

You are going to love this one ~

So ~ my "Friend"

who had put a couple of adverts in the local press.

(Free in "LOOT")

Had supplied the transport (his car)

- and a ladder when we got there -

(All of which I did NOT NEED HIM FOR!)

So Why? He was doing me a small (illegal) favour.

I did not know anyone else at the time.

Transport? The fast & efficient tube, bus & taxis
My gear could go in a SMALL hold all ~(above)
Black, blue & red covers most needs And ladders were usually found by the client ~ or I could HIRE one. 24 hrs notice. Delivered and collected!
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Anyway . .
A job at Richmond.
We are in North London.Get to his house at 9 hoping for an early start. Long way to go.
He's sitting around in his dressing gown, watching tv. Playing like he is the boss now. (How juvenile & tiresome)I have to WAIT nothing i can do to speed things up
Finally in the carwife and childAt this moment, of course, he is in control and happily showing it.
AND he still owes me 100 or so from the last job.

Approaching a round a boutthose ON the roundabout have priorityA car suddenly comes nearhe is surprisedhe cuts outovertakes the car and cuts in front of himthen slows downtrapping the other car behind him.
The other car pulls out and overtakes on the left.and, in passing, smashes his rear view mirror(with a wrench or something)
My friend gives chaseand we are doing 80 90 mphweaving in and out of other carshonking hornsI'm shouting at him'your wife! Your child! careful!'
He's not listeningHe's the great effin Grand Prix driver isn't he?Used to have a Mercedesnow he's got a Ford somethingBut he'll show 'emBig ego trip nowChasing the villainhe'll be the hero !!Risking all our lives
What can you do?Pull out the ignition key? Does that work?Never thought of it at the time.anyway, we were going so fast, it might have distracted himwith us touching another car . . and . . . roly poly . . .
Finally he catches up the guycos he has to stop at a red lightovertakes himparks two or three cars ahead of himright on the centre line of the roadsticks his arm outand beckons the guy, like"Come on then. I'm here"
But does not climb out and confront the guy !
The lights change to greenThe other guy is out like a rockettears past usdoes a right, across us, before the incoming cars opposite are hardly movingand tears up a side roaddisappears

My friend sighsanother chase?too latetraffic is blocking our way
Now - an ONcoming car, close to the centre line (middle of the road), shoots pastAND TEARS OFF HIS RIGHT WING MIRRORNot a foot from where I am in the front seat. I jump a mile.
"That's the last time I go in (x's) car." I said, when we finally climbed out at Richmond.His wife must have told him, cos he came by train the next day -
Had to anyway, with no wing mirrors
THAT day, I had traveled down to Richmond early on the train. Asked the client if he would split the cheques when I had finished. So that my friend could pay me what he owed.(100 from before - PLUS this job - )Otherwise I am not going to get any money . . .
"Sorry, No. Your friend got the job. I pay him what we agreed."
"If he agrees to split the cheque?" I replied."Oh yes." he said.
So my friend arrives about 5 and sits around. Half an hour before I finish, I wash my brush, stand up and put my hands in my pockets."(Client) has very kindly agreed to split the cheque." I say, "so you can pay me what you owe me"
He was startled. Looking to the client then me.Then me to the client. Like watching a tennis match.
"Is that ok?"
My body language said it all. If I do not finish the job, there is no money for either of us. The MAD doctrine.
("Mutually Assured Destruction"
"Can we talk outside?" he said.
"Sure"
"So what's going on then?"
"Why don't you give me my money I'm owed?I got rent to pay!"
"But I'm getting you work aren't I?"
"I need the RENT!"
"You are just ungrateful!Gave you dinner at our house!"
"I need the money I am owed!"
"But we are a business . . "
He won't answer the question!"Why don't you give me my money I'm owed?"

I do not need sh*t like this.
We both got paid, separately. I got paid my 100 he owed meplus this job, about 120.he was left with about 30!
He can buy 2 new wing mirrors now!Just about.
Walking to the railway station. he's non stop talkingHow I need him . . . etc etc etc
(How he needs me, more like . . )
He's lost his little game (ROBBERY), and he knows it.
Got to get away from the journey back with him (On the train) Might even rob me!
So, into a pub"Like a drink?" I say, all friendly. OKHe is still rattling on.
( I am home and dry. Eff you! )
I suggest another pint -I can stay here all night!
"What? I can't stay here all night. I have a wife and kid to get back to! (etc)"
"I`m not holding you up, am I?"

- as I order another pint.

He declines & heads for the station.
"Bye! - I'll keep in touch!"

But I never phoned him again.

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Another lesson on Be careful on choosing your "friends" who want to 'HELP' you'
They want to help themselves 1st On the money YOU earn~ with your skills
THEY ARE CALLED " PARASITES"FULL OF CHAT AND PROMISESAND CONTROL METHODS
See the first timehow he held my share back?So, do I leave him & lose 100,orString along and let it mount up!So I lose either way!
Ask for the money upfront?
Well, of course, he has not got it!
"This is why I am getting the job for you !!"and looks at me as though I am stupid!
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Remember An Antiques Multi-floor shop in Church St. Market.Just up the Edgware Rd, on the right.
I HAD got my money another "friend" had owed me.after waiting . . and waiting . . .

It was the Brian´s van driver,who had run off with the vanbecause Brian had not paid him!

Now he's found a new job.
I went to see the Properieters before we were due to start:To be paid separately.They said no.(Because he got the job - like above.)
I said: "OK Sorry I cannot work then,because the guy will not pay mewhen I finish.
AND, for your sake,Please ask this guy to DEMONSTRATEthat he IS a signwriter,like he said to you,BEFORE you part with any cash!"
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall the next day!
--------
He kept phoning and phoning.I just ignored it.What was there to say?
--------------------
REMEMBER
Promises Promises
"It's all hot air,
'til the money is there"
(In your hand.)
.........................................

GOLD SHOP

Another guy from prisonShortchanged me. I have my hand out waiting for the rest of the money.
He just smiles at me"Good job." he said. "That's enough."
His BIG friend sitting in the corner, grunts.OK. I accept the situation, and out.
Sometime later, I'm passing up the same street on a bus.The 38. Victoria to LeytonstoneI'm on the top deck. Back seat on the left.It stops right outside his shop!He has the canopy outabout three feet over the pavement( And two feet from the bus)A pot of paint out of the window onto his canopy !!The bus windows only opens at the topThe old "Routemaster'sliding panels, about 6" highI open oneRummage in my bag to get a pot of paintGetting the top offGetting readyTHE BUS MOVES OFFShhhht
But I got him next time I was up that wayNot a tin - that would give the game away - a tube of cheap acrylic squirted out -Paint all down the front of his canopy ~ Name and all -
Fortunately it was drizzling, so it would spread into the weave and be impossible to scrape off -
And he's probably still wondering how it happened.Some local customer who he had cheated . . . . .??

Petty?I am doing an honest days work, for a reasonable price.I take great exception to being ROBBED.
Once the kiddies have got their sweets, they run away . . .
He´s a grown up.He knows what he is doing.

................................

"JUST A COUPLE OF LINES . . ."

    Total financial freedom ok ~     But there is always a fly in the ointment . .    Could it be human greed?    Or a 'Macho' thing. A mini mind wrestling game? To see if they can "Get away with it"?
    How about this one ~
     (This is TRUE ! ~ They are all true. Why waste my time telling you lies? I am not trying to sell a book!.)

    Guy came into the sign co. - And shows a scrap of paper. Yes. A 'Scrap' - torn out of a notebook,
    "You did a quote for me. A van. Just a couple of lines either side.     JUST a bit on the back. That's all! - Only take you 5 minutes - a man of your skills - !"
    - Big smile and a pat on the back. "Have a cigarette!"
    Seems a nice chap        'How much?'    We looked through the estimates/jobs book. Nothing.    I looked at the 'couple of lines' both sides, and estimated 80.     I would be finished before the pubs shut, easy.    Sign shop boss says - "Tom, go off and see the job. You take it. Nothing for me."    ''OK"

    Up Kilburn way . .     The 'van' turns out to be a TRUCK not a van. First little bell ringing in my head . . .
    He then shows me a printed layout of what he wants.    A3 size. All the lettering printed large and small. Perfect spacing.         "My daughter did this. She's at university.' -
    2nd little bell ringing in my head. Design is done at art college, not university.
    At least 6 lines of lettering, both sides.
    "On the back also if possibe, but 4 lines would do ~    and maybe something on the doors ~ '
    Third bell ringing - This is worth a damn site more than 80! ~     Like a fool, I thought ~ Just DO it. A couple of days . . .    Why? ~ Not to upset the customer,
But more because I had just started cooperating with the sign co. and this might sour relations.    He let me use the workshop anytime,where I could cut wood & make an "A" board. e.g.And work out of the RAIN .
     ~ and I painted the names on the vinyl blinds and canopies he made ~ for free. An hours work, if that.

    I got through 2 or 3 lines that afternoon.      Now estimating I could be a good 5 days here . . .
    Talking to the mechanic there.
    "He's going back across the water, at the end of the week. Taking the truck."
    More alarm bells ringing . . . 5 days and then he does not pay?
    Left my gear there, and go home.

    Next day,
    I go to another sign co. under Kilburn Tube St. ~ armed with the drawing.    Curious as to how much it would cost in Painted AND Vinyl lettering.
    "Where did you get this!" He exclaimed. I told him.    "I did this!" he said, "I quoted him (400) for vinyl, & (600) for painting."
600 !!
    I had to tell him of my quote for 80 ~ and explained what happened.    "You are an idiot!' he said.
    Well. I certainly was not going to continue now
    "This is yours!" I said, and returned his drawing. "Thank you. I am going to disappear!"

    Later I phoned the client. He was not in, but his wife was.    Told her the sign man had taken HIS drawing back, so, obviously, I could not continue . . .
   Convincing myself that even if I HAD increased the price, I was not going to get paid anyway!
    How was he going to explain 3 lines on his van?     The next sign writer would be VERY suspicious.
    Painted lettering is a pig to get off.     AND you need to T-cut and respray the area ~ The same color to match the rest of the truck
VERY difficult to match, if not impossible,The previous colour has faded over timefrom gloss to matte,because of the weather

    Up you! Taking people for fools . .

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.................................

THE DOG -

    HERE IS ANOTHER  Where I get totally screwed

    Takes me to his van. It is in an underground car park, beneath where he lives.        Wandsworth. S.W. London    Ok. Writes down what he wants, we settle a price, and I start.     About 4 hrs later I finish. Go upstairs and knock on his door.
    He shouts at me through the door to ' F - off - or I'll set the dog on you !!'     An Alsatian dog is BARKING !!
    Well, dog or no dog . . .     'F YOU!' I muttered, and headed downstairs to do some damage.    The paint would still be wet enough to smear . .
    The van had disappeared . . .
    A DEPOSIT would have helped, silly boy . . .     But he was just upstairs ~ he was not going to run away . . .
    Well, he DID in a way, didn't he?
    -------
I said before, remember,when I was doing the shields:"There is no end to human ingenuitywhen it comes to money!"There are always surprises!
Though I DID find a way, much later.You know -"Why did I not think of this before!"
100% CERTAIN.
No, not ALL the money up front.They will not do that!
They will give you 50% up front.(But not necessarily pay the balance!)
No, not throwing paint all over it.
No, not going to the law in any way.
Can you guess?

......................

NEAR MISS!!

Painting a fascia for a Jewish shoe shopCamden TownThe ladder is on a narrow pavement.
The "Evening Standard" vanis delivering a bundle to the shop.Ah! I'll have one!
Leaving the pot of paint on the top of the ladder"I'll only be 30 seconds!"I quickly descend & into the shop.Buy the paper, and head out.Nearly bumping into an elderly womanwearing a fur coat.
The paint pot is in the street!- paint everywhere!
She had brushed the ladder,& the paint pot had fallen off
JUST BEHIND HER!
Like:
"Just behind her fur coat!"
Now, what IF . . . say no more!!
Charlie Chaplin stuff . . .

Another boob -

On the roof of a snooker club in Orpington Bought a sheet of 4' x 8' perspexand 3mm thick cos cheaper than 5mmStuck on the lettering and slid it into the light box
I went back the next day to do something.It had flipped out because of a strong wind& blew away in the nightGlided 6 stories to the ground.Could have killed someone!!
5mm next time. Even 10mm if it will fit.or 3mm and wedge it . . .?
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Pastry shop

This one. Silly mistake.For a cafe cum bread / pastry shop:My mistake was showing the design in brown lettering (as it was a bread shop)on white paper.As normal!
Looked ok.But, of course, on the window, from outside The brown did not show up
It was imposs to paint OVER it, to change colourBecause it was painted insidelooking out.
To add a white border around the letters,usually ok to show them up,was impractical.There was no room around the letters for a white border.

(Always assume the window looks dark grey, NOT white! - as the paper.
Therefore use Yellow or White lettering colour - or light blue
I would have to scrape it ALL off, clean, and start again!!
It was a hot day. Tempers arose.I wouldn't get paid for this.
I say f**k it and start to pack up. He hits me. I squirt red paint over his suit.The paint pots upset. Paint everywhere.We tussle. Writhing in the floor, paint smearing. I finally crawl out & call the police& they guard me whilst I pack up & go.
White or yellow paint in future!

PAINT FLIP -

Another downer, but this is the weather - Funny when looking back, but not at the time -
Lorry park. Sunday morning. Near Blackwall tunnel - Grey skies & spotting rain.The guy places a flexible sheet of clear polythene over the cabwith a plank of wood on top to hold it down in the wind.
The rest of the polythene is hanging down over the door.He puts a light aluminium ladder inside, leaning slightly outwards,to keep the polythene away from me as I paint the cab door.
Like a little tent.
"Ok see you later, about 5."" OK."
Carry on a while. Rain spotting. Wind a little ripple now and then.
I am holding the cardboard cup of paint in my left hand, A cup, because paint in a tin gradually fills up to the rim & spills.
My left knuckle rests against the door,(my "mahl" stick,)and the paintbrush in my right hand.
Right wrist resting on the left wrist, as normal.
------
Then a GUST of wind catches the tent - like a sail. The ladder moves.
In a split second . . .
I imagine the wind pulling the sheet off the roofand pulling the plank of wood down on my head!
Both hands instinctively shoot up to protect my head - Still holding the cup of paint, of course,and the cup of paint is now UPSIDE DOWN OVER MY HEAD!
Ha Ha - Paint all over my hair and shoulders.I went bananas. Insult to injury, it was yellow paint for a dark blue cab.
Packed up. Will have to finish another day.The bus conductor waved me away. A taxi driver put his foot down.and it was a 5 + mile walk through the rain back to Mile End.

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