42. Oregon, Anna to SW

There I was then; deprived of my wife, whom I had so loved. She had been to me a sincere friend; a wise counselor; an intelligent associate, a tender wife; and for the children a devoted mother. I felt crushed in body and in spirit. At night I could neither sleep nor warm myself in my bed. My appetite had disappeared; and if, in talking with customers I had to smile, the tears came into my eyes. I couldn't stand hearing the piano played. I held on to life only for the sake of the children. Eva and Anna, having finished grade school, were registered to enter high school. There were then the three girls at home. Mathilde was with me in the store, and was very useful to me. But in the housekeeping there was much to make me gloomy. If I looked in a corner, I would find a mixture of things -- soiled linen~ firewood, and other articles pell mell. My daughters didn't look at me with frank eyes. I knew that there were hidden things. I no longer felt in my own home. Besides all this, several things happened to add to my sadness-

Thus, on the 22nd of September both of the little boys were at their Uncle Jules' and while there, Paul broke his leg. On the 27th, Eva stepped on a nail. and I realized the danger of tetanus. The 3rd of October, a young man, associate of Michaud in the grocery business, owed me some money, and was on the point of dissolving partnership with Michaud, thinking to leave without paying me. I put a restraining order on his merchandise through Judge Burnand, who was a compatriot of mine. I got my money; but Burnand asked me a greater fee than the law allowed him. Several other things came upon. me -- as if Satan were unchained against me, in this -- the saddest time of my life.

Had I known all that was going on upstairs, I should have concluded that Eva and Anna could not live to- gether. God, in His goodness, permitted that the girls should feel it; and Anna, who lived but by her imagination, proposed that we let her go to Europe in the Springtime, since a large number of the Germans of St. Paul were making plans to go. I accepted the proposition, and invited Anna to study as much as possible the geography of Switzerland, and to draw the map of the Canton de Neuchâtel, which she did, without much taste for it. Childhood has nothing serious; and Anna was very childish at the age of fourteen.

The winter was excessively cold. The barrel of water which we kept in the cellar burst. The water froze even though very near to the furnace in the cellar. The fire in the stoves seemed to have absolutely no heat. Near the red-hot metal one burned; but a little farther away one froze; and I suffered more than the others, because of my weakened state.

For some years I had noticed, that as one gets older, one becomes more sensitive to the cold. We spoke of it in the home, and Fanny thought that the climate of Oregon would be better for her than that of Minnesota. Our project had then been to move to Oregon, when the Lord should show us the way. And the winter which followed the death of my wife was so cold, that I felt myself chased out of St. Paul. At the same time, with a family like mine, one could not emigrate just anywhere. From all sides I saw obstacles. My days were sad. I felt the Lord close to me; but the consolation didn't take me as far as joy. Finally, after much consideration, I felt that we must leave St. Paul. I was worn out. My nerves had become so weak that I could no longer do certain types of watchmaking work. Mathilde had succeeded in making very fine pivots; I depended upon her. The climate of Oregon would fortify my nerves; Mathilde would become experienced. There was I then; turned toward Oregon.

One night I dreamed that I found myself in a country exactly like Gorgier and St. Aubin. The verdure was beautiful, and we were in the month of September. Upon awaking, I was convinced that the month of September would find me in just such a country; and I thought that it could be nowhere but Oregon.

Thus April arrived; and one day I went to see the different persons who were to leave for Europe, crossing the ocean on the steamboat "Schiller". Each one had met with some obstacle, and had given up the trip. Anna, being ready, wished to go, even though she had to go alone. It was then decided that she should go; and I gave her the address of our old neighbor, Mrs. Woernor.

The 8th of May, Anna and I left for Eau Claire, to visit the Jacot sisters and Heloise Tissot; and from there she left alone for New York. I left her in Eau Claire; and the goodbyes were said without a tear being shed. She arrived in New York the 13th, and on the 15th she sailed on the steamer "America." She had a fine crossing, and arrived at Le Havre on the 25th.