Laz vs. Academicals 5 June 2013
Post date: Jul 9, 2013 6:51:58 AM
Morning chaps,
Well, I’ll keep this as brief as possible (difficult for a waffling old fool such as myself) as the in-tray has piled up somewhat dramatically.
Am also writing without the benefit of the book (or any short term memory) so fortunately for us all I have the Accies match report to crib from, and given that the game ended in a (some would say “fair”) draw I would venture to suggest that the balance of writing can be repeated.
To the game.. well, it needs to be recorded that a number of things were very different at the start from the ‘norm’ – we had 12 “fit” players available, the sun was shining and the gates to the ground were open (apparently) unfortunately, all of this spectacular planning had to have a downside and that became apparent in the 45 minutes that your scribe was sat on the M5 coming south – due to some poor unfortunate’s inability to judge the distance of the person in front of them on the Avonmouth bridge) So I am reliably informed by the Accies skipper that they won the toss and chose to bat first to take advantage of the absence of some key Laz players..
The troops – myself included – assembled after a time and oddly Accies had kindly loaned a fielder (or two) as cover, but not the Laz Loan (New father Harry) perhaps they were saving him from too much personal conflict and torment? Who knows..
Well, as I turned up late I can only talk about the situation I found, JK applying his massive cricket brain to leading the side on the field and the opening batsman, nicely entrenched on a relatively green strip.. a reference to the Accies report reminds me of the need to retell one of many Laz debut tales – this one being the one with mobile phone, the umpire and the busted Italian car – welcome to Lazarus XI Mr Matt Bixby.. surely a hitherto unseen sense of team ethics to break your (albeit Alfa Romeo) in an effort to get to the Laz game – or was it just a ploy to get to have a couple of beers and ride in the mythical (sick maker) that is the new Buzz mobile?!
I digress..
Anyway, a solid start from the Accies openers was contained well, with runs not necessarily flowing off of the bat despite Viv (“the good looking opener”) accumulating 31 until, their version of “Jiff” was brought to the crease after Sykes (?) bowled their skipper (celebrating his first double figure score this year – 17) it was then that things started to get away from us a bit.. the Aussie (from the big North Island) announcing his presence and battering a quick fire 47 to set the momentum firmly in the Accies camp and whilst in the middle of a ‘killer spell’ it took some excellent reaction catching from our own Trans - Tasmanian devil Jiff to get the flying Aussie out.. this after a great piece of skittles in order to run out the little big man Kush..
A quick mention to another Laz debutante Chris “Unknown Quantity” Mackenzie for bowling his first ball for the team in honour of El Presidente himself – yes, the Laz ball lives and Mr Mackenzie’s toes took the hit..
Some tight fielding by all (including and a good spell from Buzz whose years in rehab have finally rid him of the pre-delivery stutter.. ) left us with a chance and looking at the hutch, the 119 total seemed very do-able in this weather, on this strip and with the full 20 overs to play.
It was with this confidence that the Laz openers Freegard & H.a.r.k.n.e.s.s. took their places at the crease and then promptly swapped over as the Accies changed ends to start the innings.. Umpire “Dickie” Buzz sporting a pair of “soontobefashinableagainafter20years” sunglasses to shield the world from the fear in his eyes of counting to 6 and “Lazball” Mackenzie – let it never be said that the games adjudicators are not the stars of the show – for the poor “Unknown Quantity” was called into action on the 4th ball of the first over as Harkness played on to a ball that kept low.. bringing Ramp’s mate Hansell striding purposefully to the crease.. I should say that it has taken me longer to write this sentence than Dom was batting – as the umpire answered the appeal for ElBee with a quick nod and raise of a finger..
Laz XI 2 down with no runs on the board.. in need of a hero.. then through the heat haze of the early summers eve, strode purposely our very own Accie – Jiff – who faced with the hat-trick ball from an in-form bowler decided to have a wild (Freegard-like) swipe at the tempting cherry outside his off-stump.. another appeal and a furtive look from Mackenzie to a head shaking Freegard meant the appeal (and the noise of Jiff’s bat on the ground had been denied)
It was (somewhat ironically) left to Freegard to tell Jiff to “calm down and don’t get out”.. advice he duly heeded.. Freegard scratching around like a dog with fleas, eventually found the middle of his railway sleeper/bat sending the ball back to the forest over long on (no cow’s in that corner) and so a steadying partnership developed with chances going missing & the field spreading to stem the flow of runs as Freegard & Kilgour found their balance and menace.. perhaps a degree of complacency crept in at this point and singles were run where two’s could have been pushed, but given the weather, the hill (?) and their relative fitness levels.. it was decided not to “push anything stupid”.. it was then that Freegard gave one too many chances, which was gratefully pouched by their Jiff, leaving our Jiff to guide the game home or so we thought.. as our skipper for the night JK strode to the crease, Dom was already packing the kit bag and JK didn’t disappoint.. the lackadaisical one looked set fair, especially facing the Accies chucker (or Buzz II) but it was to this fearsome entity that JK fired a high ball and proceeded to watch as a chap in a bright hat whom had only ever watched cricket on TV, duly pocketed his first ever catch.. (and a joint Accies/Laz champagne moment)
Well Jiff gave his wicket away and more wickets fell.. leaving us with 6 to get from the last over.. and Buzz & Kunal in to bat.. two stout fellows with whom you could trust.. but hold on, what’s this.??. Umpire Dickie has been training the new umpires and they too cannot count to 6 (well 7 actually as the extra ball from the wide was missed).. so Buzz with David Gower’s trousers falling down at every 1970’s farcical opportunity set about reducing the total.. inevitably as scores were tied, there was one ball remaining and one run to get.. trousers down and match tied.. (run out/stumped who knows?)
An excellent game played in good spirits.. thanks to all those who took part and apologies for any parts of the story missed..
We welcomed some new faces to the Laz fold and we look forward to next Weds much anticipated return of the Great Western Wicket-taker himself MJ Lines Esq..
Until the next time..
Arfur Fawkes-Aycke