Brunel House, 2 Aug 2005

The season has drawn through very successfully and those Gladiatorial stalwarts unavailable from now on in have taken their bows.. but with typical

Lazarus resilience we still took the field with a very strong squad.. facing the Brunel House motley crew of escaped giraffes, Captain BirdsEye (rtd) (That’s me..!!)Barry Bethel etc.. and El Presidente won the toss and elected to bat first…

Having a secret agenda is something that one could never accuse El Presidente of having… (?) So, when he announced to the early arrivals that the batting line up was being arranged by the order in which we all arrived.. I thanked my lucky stars that I had lost my job and could get their in ‘dole time’ and it also made clear why El Presidente was there so promptly as well!!

So, the Chairman and El Presidente opened the batting (nepotism anyone?)and with typical gusto Freegard set to a bowling attack lacking in confidence from the last time they had faced him… smashing the second ball for a thunderous boundary and then complaining that he ‘couldn’t see the ball’ drew sharp intakes of breath and even the ‘impartial’ umpiring of GingerBok was called into question.. however, the subsequent moving of the ramshackle ‘sightscreen’ (whilst other players retrieved the lost ball..) soon calmed things and Freegard was striking the ball around the field with typical gusto as the bowler - Hanson (ummbop)- varied his length to probe a weakness… from the other end Captain Birds Eye (rtd) cleverly sought revenge for the early season assault that Freegard had wrought…. As you can tell by this dialogue, the strike was being held very much by one end and this was reflected in the exit of Freegard chasing one of Ummbop’s wider deliveries (with eyes wide open..) to be taken very well by Mr Petulant (the ‘keeper). With Freegard taking his leave with 32 and a total of 40 on the board, it doesn’t take Timbo’s brain to work out that El Presidente hadn’t put much bat to ball!

In the spirit of the car park batting order, you will never guess who had ‘arrived’ next… no? Well, Mr Clapperton (Derek Randall to his chums) casually strode to the crease, waving airily with Freegard’s bat as he practiced hither to unseen strokes… and so the assault continued – poor opposition! – taking no time at all to find his eye and amid wide eyed rapture from the hutch, ‘Gosh Jules can bat..!’ Clapperton set about the attack in the same way as had previously departed.. (i.e in great style and NOT just using his eye to bludgeon the ball around!)

Meanwhile, El Presidente.. who may have had one too many bottles of port recently.. (the gout seemed to affect him in the field – see later..) was quietly accruing some runs in not too convincing a fashion.. it was after another quick single which pushed his blood pressure ever closer to the edge that I think he decided to do what he does best, the only difference this time was that he was to be his own victim.. yes, Laz fans, you’ve guessed it.. he ran himself out…! (very noble)

This selfless act of cardio-vascular care brought the next ‘arrival’ to the crease in the shape of Jon ‘Bagpuss’ Godfrey and those familiar with his style, realised the shrewdness of his arrival into the car park meant adding solidity in the mid riff (surely middle order?). However, JG’s luck was not in today and neither was he as he was adjudged LBW by the Chairman umpiring at the other end (a vociferous cry of ‘Trigger finger’ and other less than savoury comments, as ever failed to change the official’s mind) Around the same time (the order has escaped me – more wine please Travers..) Clapperton decided he had done enough (36) and it was time to return to the hutch and let someone else have a go at the rabble in the field (‘scoreboard’ shouts from ‘Barry Bethel’ just before a delivery was bowled etc..)

Fortunately for the scorer, this brought ‘Special’ to the crease, who I am amazed to see, managed to amass 26 in his occupation of the crease! If he had connected with half of the shots he missed, then that score could easily have been trebled.. but who am I to criticise?.. His partnership with Hart Mingerlover saw a power surge as kettles were boiled across the Country and viewing figures for Coronation Street surged as the population checked in on the everyday happenings of Northern folk… and then a wicket fell.. Hart had been trying hard to push the score and had fallen, caught in circumstances my dementia forgets..

Thus Gingerbok appeared and hopes of the swash and buckle returning were soon dashed as Special stole the strike and played for his average (which must be approaching single figures..?) the six and out policy that the Ginger one had employed earlier in the season failed as an ill judged single in the last over meant that Special saw out the innings in true style and prevented the viewing public from seeing more of the revelation that has been Andrew ‘Lionel Blair’ Boynton.. With this the innings ended with Lazarus XI posting a very competitive 156 for the loss of 5 wickets….

It is here that I would like to discuss the bowling attack…. However, our sporting opponents could only field one person who was able to write and so did not complete our book..

Special mentions in the bowling/fielding area must go to Hart Mingerlover for an excellent opening spell which tore into their top order and stopped their innings from the start.. also to Gingerbok for being mindful of the light (and his wayward line) by reducing his run up and bowling ‘spin’. Crucially, and with the Brunel House reply in tatters.. the Skipper turned to non-bowlers to ‘give everyone a go’. Some excellent catching saw the wickets tumble at crucial stages.. here Gingerbok (‘falling over’) and Freegard (God he’s quick for a fat lad) must take a bow…

I must mention ‘poor’ Dobby who copped an awful lot of flak during his ‘spell’ on the pitch, but once again saw fit to be the bigger man, even when he had a perfectly legitimate wicket called no-ball by Gingerbok, just because of the height it was bowled from…(tee hee)

Oh.. and Bristol Airport have raised a complaint with the committee and insist that we don’t bowl ‘The’ Mann and El Presidente in tandem again.. as they had to rearrange the flight path due to the methods that the two demon bowlers employed… (duly noted)

In summary then… Lazarus XI posted 156 for 5 and restricted the Brunel House team to 76 (?) for 8 in reply.. another fine win for the team and we look forward to next week’s ‘must win’ grudge match against the Utd Banks (play in the dark cheats). I understand there is great disappointment at the season finale and there is talk (and offers) of further games – let’s all see what we can do in this regard..- If not, then let’s make sure we do have an end of season social function at some point to celebrate, remember and look forward…

Ps Apologies to Spencer ‘Special’ Halliday for the criticism above..

PPS We’re still a couple short for next week.. so come on chaps where are you??