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Blaming is the act of assigning the responsibility for a bad or unfortunate situation or phenomenon to someone or something. We blame because of the bad things and events happening to us. We blame our employers for being insensitive, we blame the politicians for the corruptions that exists, we blame the government for the collapsing economies and poverty, we blame the sports players for not performing so well, we blame our colleagues for anything not done well, we blame the traffic on the roads, we blame because of any reason or no reason. Why do we tend to blame other people? We do it so often and so easily, but what is the underlying purpose? Blaming is an easy task, as it makes us right in our eyes and makes us feel having escaped of any responsibilities and thus the consequences thereof. By blaming someone else, we assume we are rid of the faults, as all fault lies with the one whom we blame. One explanation we tell ourselves when we blame others is because they are bad. Yet being bad means not only intentionally transgressing values, but repeatedly doing so and without concern for others. Perhaps they have blamed us unfairly in past, maybe they have hurt one of our friends, in any case, the opportunity to blame is used as a convenient method to justify related behaviour. We have a deep need for a sense of identity, and one way we do this is through social comparison, contrasting ourselves against others. As a part of this, if we can place ourselves higher in the pecking order of society then we can feel more important and have a greater sense of control. Much of our conversation with others is in fact a social duel in which we seek a higher status than others. And blame is one of the tools we use to this end, if the other person is bad, then it seems we must be relatively good. Another reason for blame is that we feel bad about something and want to get rid of the bad feeling, so we project that feeling at others. Blaming others sets them up as bad so we can then project our bad feelings on them. A very common reason is when something goes wrong, our deep need to explain what caused the problem to occur is triggered, and a certain and easy way of finding the cause is to blame someone. This is a surprisingly common approach in organizations where a 'blame culture' assumes someone is at fault for every problem and issue. As a result, people are quick to judge others and equally quick to avoid or deny responsibility. What is easily missed is that most problems are caused by the context, system or series of events and not by people only. In other cases, when we feel that we are being pointed out, we use blaming as a method of defending ourselves. If we are not at fault, we blame to defend, if we are at fault, then we blame to deflect. In either case, we protect ourselves by pointing the finger elsewhere.
As soon as she merged on to the three lane highway, she saw the dashboard of her car and began to sink. 'Not now', she thought, this couldn’t be happening. But, yes, the red light on the dashboard told the truth. Her car’s gas tank was empty and there wasn’t a gas station in sight. Her next thoughts were of her husband with: Why didn’t he fill the tank up when he drove the car last night? He knew I was going to need it today. He should have filled it up. Why does he do that (always drive it until it’s empty)? How could he do this to me? And there she realized that she was in the midst of the blame game. How often have you done something like this, where you instantly look for someone to blame for the situation you suddenly find yourself in? By blaming the husband, the person makes herself feel hurt, and feel that he doesn't care enough about her to make sure the gas tank is full. But, that’s just a belief that has been added to the situation. In reality, it doesn’t mean that at all, the truth could have been as simple as her husband had not even noticed how little gas was left. It's the interpretation of the situation which causes the grief and suffering. It also gets in the way of handling the situation. The thinking is more caught up in blame and dealing with the pain of the thoughts and what it all means, rather than simply and quickly doing what is required to be done, find a gas station. It's important to be able to separate what is 'reality' and what is caused simply by our thoughts. By letting your thoughts start to blame others and to justify to yourself, why it's not your fault, you might make yourself a victim of the
suffering. You might also feel like you have no control, because something was done to you. All you need to do is to be aware that, it's only your thinking which is twisting the event. Then you'll be able to focus on the current situation without having to deal with any added emotional pain. It’s about how we cause a lot of our own suffering and grief, simply because we tell ourselves how things 'should' be or what others 'should' have done (he should have filled up the gas tank, my boss should appreciate all the hard work I’ve been putting in lately, my spouse should support me). Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true. You can question your thoughts as soon as you have them. For example: Is it true that her husband doesn’t care about her because he didn’t put gas in the car? Of course not. When you start to question your thoughts, you’ll easily realize that some of them really make no meaning. But, if you don’t question your thinking, then that thought becomes a truth for you whether you realize it or not. A very important concept which is missed is that people start seeking favorable situations, responses or behaviours from the people, which in turn results in grief, sorrow or suffering. This is because, favour is a deceitful attribute. Favour makes us dependent on people or situations expecting that something good 'should' happen to us, this does not implies that if anything by default comes out to be favourable then we should not acknowledge it, the problem lies in seeking favour. When the situations or times are unfavourable, we should be careful, and when they are favourable, then we should be more careful.
That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us. {Acts 17:27}
We assume that every bad or wrong thing is happening to us only. While we struggle and endure sorrows, the Almighty seems to be not concerned to us or our situations. In such situations either we start blaming the Almighty or question His integrity, concern towards us etc. If the Almighty is aware of what the person or the people are going to do, then why does not He stop them from doing so? Why He allows the bad actions of the people to do any damage to the good people? Why does not He prevent the bad actions from happening? The Almighty can and prevents the bad actions of the people to do any damage to the good people, the reason why we are not noticing so is because we are already occupied with the not so good experiences and results of the past, that we rarely realize the same. Think about this, when was the last time you thanked the Almighty for any good thing happened? or When was the last time you thanked the Almighty that nothing bad happened? When was the last time your prayers conveyed only gratitude and no wishes? When was the last time you realized that, yes, Yahushua is there. Try to do a self-analysis, and you will surely find some answers. You might have conveyed thanks, and you might have been honest in doing every good that interests the Almighty, still there may be chances that you might find some good reasons to blame. Even if you wish to blame Him for any reason you might find to be genuine, then try to be honest in the same, as honestly blaming the Almighty itself might help in dissolving any emotional blocks. We always seek that which is not, and what is, we acknowledge not; this does not implies that we should not be seeking for any betterment, but we are instructed to seek the kingdom of the Almighty first, or in other words, to work for the salvation of our soul than doing our own thing. We try to force or push our agendas and concerns on Him, and expect the things or situations to be in our favour. We keep occupied with our own business, than doing and realizing His will, and then we blame Him for not doing anything about it.
Andrew is returning to home from the stationery store. He had an urgent need of a handicraft used in the project work, for his younger sister studying in school, but the craft was just finished at the store, he inquired of the article in other near about places also but to no result. He checked his smartphone and there was a message on the social network by one of his friends, that declared the result of a recently held exam in which Andrew scored average, although Andrew was quite confident that he did well to be above average. Things have been turning out to be unfavourable from last few years, he checked that his mobile phone balance is low and he needs to get to the nearest recharge shop which is a mile away. He managed to get there and recharged his mobile. On the way to home, he met one of his friends who told him that he is going out of city because of some work for one day, and wanted Andrew to take care of his motorbike, as he is staying in a rented place with limited parking facility. Andrew agreed and parked the motorbike at the basement of his apartment. He is planning to get a motorbike for himself also, and is keeping some money aside regularly from his savings to purchase it in the coming week. There is a power-cut now, and Andrew's father was out meanwhile the bike was parked at the basement, and while returning he did not notice the bike due to power-cut and had a light collision with it. The bike fell and one of it's mirror broke with some scratches, Andrew heard the noise and came down with the torchlight. He picked-up the bike and inquired about the goodwill of his father, who suffered minor injury on the elbow. Nevertheless, Andrew took his father next day to the medical clinic and got the check-up done, everything was fine, and from his savings, got the bike repaired and now he has to further delay the purchase of his own bike due to the expenses incurred. His friend returned and when he saw the bike repaired, inquired what happened. But when Andrew explained, he was not convinced fully and thought that Andrew might have used his bike for his own purpose, and because of some carelessness did damaged his bike. Andrew's friend blamed him for the damage to his new bike, and denied to pay any amount for the repair, and went his way. Andrew went home and his mother argued him about not getting the handicraft from past two days and his sister's project work is getting delayed, he said that the same will be available by today evening at the stationery store, which he will get at the same time. Andrew is unable to understand why is this struggle; and the situations or times seem to remain the same.
Anne is returning with her younger brother to home after her brother's evening tuition classes got over. She is looking for a vehicle to get to home quickly, else she might miss her own online coaching class which is assumed to discuss important study material. Her friend shared a message on the social media, which she checked on her smartphone that the class would start half-an hour early today due to some study arrangements. Anne managed to get the vehicle on time, but engine of the vehicle faced a problem half way down to home and she is now waiting for another vehicle. Her younger brother is feeling thirsty, and nearest convenient shop is half a mile away. While she was going to the shop with her brother, a local bus to her home passed by, nevertheless, she will manage another vehicle soon. She managed to get the water bottle on time, and one of her colleagues saw them, and asked Anne to get into her car, she will drop them home. Anne thanked her colleague and they sit in. On the way to home she is thinking that she might get late for the class, and that how difficult things have been from past few years. When they reached home, Anne saw her immediate next door aunt is trying to carry a set of crockery to her vehicle. Anne sent her brother in and tried to help her aunt in the same. She took the crockery from her aunt when she was about to place it in the vehicle, her neighbor's pet shouted and she dropped one of the crockery plate and it broke. Her aunt got angry at this and blamed Anne for being careless at carrying the crockery, she complained her father about the incident. Her father asked Anne to be more careful about her responsibilities and that not to consider anything of light importance. Anne went in to her PC, the online class just started. But when she turned on the PC, she noticed that it was not connecting due to a virus problem. The system engineer visited the house and it took one hour for the problem to be resolved. Nevertheless, she will discuss the class material with her colleague. Her mother asked Anne if she would be learning the kitchen work or not, as her mother needs some help in daily kitchen preparations, she said she is learning the same and would start assisting her mother soon. Although Anne is a helpful person and does not expects any favours, but still things and situations seem to be contrariwise. Anne is unable to know why all this is happening this way; and things seem to continue the same way.
There are times, when there appears to be nothing good happening, it appears to be a saturation of a sequence of events but despite all of our efforts, the things or situations do not seem to get any better. At such times, negative emotions or thoughts try to make place and we might feel choked off, it appears easy to go away than to live, or there appears to be no worth in living, everything might appear superficial or without meaning. A person might feel alone while walking through the crowd also, because it may appear that no one is really concerned about us or our situations, everyone seems to have their own story to tell. While we might be honest in assisting others, we in turn might not receive the same assistance. It may also appear that only we suffer, and the rest of the world is in happy condition. But not all of this is true, everything listed applies to every individual in these last days. It may also appear that we are unable to find out the cause or the exact reason of our sorrow, whom to blame, why to blame, no one or nothing was at fault, the situations and the times turned out to be so, such that it resulted in sorrows and afflictions. Every individual is faced with these lonely sufferings, trials, afflictions, sorrows in these last days. It may also appear that, to whom we talk for two minutes, the third minute we might have an argument or disagreement. Hence it is important not to get personal with anyone over any disagreement or argument, whenever you think that you are starting to blame someone for any disagreement or unfavourable behaviour, then question yourself, why getting personal? And you will realize that the anger, frustration or annoyance was momentary or has no basis, and you might feel everything to be fine. Although the trials or the sorrows might continue, we would be in a better position than not having known the same; or rather than be surprised or shocked when the same are faced. Try to realize that in these last days, we are faced with trials, afflictions, sorrows, temptations, persecutions at personal and spiritual level, although no one or nothing might be at fault. Try to walk vigilantly, carefully and more importantly faithfully, giving heed to the scriptural instructions or commandments with utmost care and cautiousness so that the darkness might not affect us. Try to separate yourself or at least keep at safe distance from any added emotional effects, media influences, worldliness, much world loving crowd and people of negative influence. As all these might impact us, and our own emotions and feelings might cause a damage to us, especially those arousing any suicidal thoughts. Be careful enough, and do not give any importance to such thoughts or feelings.
Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man. {Luke 21:36}
We know that these are the last days, but then question arises, why does the Almighty allow evil or suffering to exist? He already knows everything and what is going to
happen, then why do we see bad things or events happening? Why does not He stop them from happening? Yes, He is all powerful and all mighty, and the only true or ultimate power source to do all good, and He can stop all bad events from happening. He can stop thieves from steeling, He can prevent road accidents, He can provide everything in abundance, He can eliminate sorrows, He can do every good thing, but the question then arises is, what are we supposed to do then? Should we stop protecting because the thieves will not come, should we drive carelessly or stop observing the traffic rules because there will be no chances of accidents, should we stop labouring or working because there will still be abundance of everything, should we stop doing our duties or escape of our responsibilities because there will be no consequences? Certainly not, we would not do that, but we humans are of, and have a tendency of fallen sinful nature.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. {Romans 3:23} For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not. {Ecclesiastes 7:20} If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. {1 John 1:8} There is none that doeth good, no, not one. {Romans 3:12}
Did not the Almighty provided everything in abundance and everything was perfect, no sorrow, no troubles to our first parents in the heavenly garden? But due to the wrong
selection and disobedience to the Almighty, we inherited the sin and it's effects (curse and the death). If we do not consciously keep righteous, if we do not willfully monitor ourselves, if we do not keep the fear of the Almighty, then we would definitely deceive and degrade ourselves to destruction. If every evil and every sinful things were to be removed, then we all were also to be removed. But the Almighty is long-suffering to us-ward, that we repent of our sins and turn to Him as a loving Heavenly Father. Then why does not the Almighty removes the sinful nature from us and we become pure in His sight? Yes, He can, but again, that requires willful efforts and obedience by choice to His commandments and instructions, from our part also. If He would have eliminated every bad and sinful tendency from us, then we would merely be biological robots or bio-bots or whatever a person may call it; programmed to obey what has been instructed. There would have remained no selection, and therefore no wisdom to discern between good and bad, and thus no meaningful relationships or depth of relationships. What we sow, we reap; if we sow good, we will reap good and if we sow bad, the results or the fruits thereof will be bad; it is as simple as this. And because of our sinful nature, we by default tend to bad only, and we do not realize the same until and unless, the light of Word of the Almighty reveals it to us. He does not prevents us from making bad or wrong selections, but definitely warns us through the consequences that will arise. We have the choice of selection but not their consequences, a person can not do any bad or unrighteous act and then assume to escape because no one has noticed. Moreover, we appreciate or value things which are hard earned, if there were no sorrows, we would have not appreciated blessings; if there were no disappointments or failures, we would have not valued victories; if there were no scarcity, we would have not noticed abundance; if there were no enemies, we would have not learned the defense; if there did not exist any sufferings, we would have not thanked for the goodness. Take, for example, the breathing that we do, had it been done consciously requiring effort from our side, then we would have valued it more than that we do now. The Almighty is never happy to see us in troubles, but He allows the troubles to come so that we can learn from them and get rid-off of our sinful habits or nature, and purify ourselves before Him. The trials, afflictions, troubles and struggles of the life cleanse us; just like gold tried in a furnace gets purified, likewise we get purified through the trials of life, and grow in understanding, become more sensible to know the Word and character of the Almighty, and to become more like Yahushua, pure and holy.
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? {Hebrews 12:7}
The Almighty does prevent and restrain the evil or bad acts up to a certain extant or limit, this world would have been much worse or might have been ended ages ago, if He
were not restraining evil. Sometimes, He allows troubles or afflictions in our lives, to make us examples for those who might be weak in spirit, so as to encourage them to walk righteously no matter what.
For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. {1 Peter 2:20}
No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. {Psalms 84:11}
The Almighty is always with us, even when we feel alienated, separated and alone. Do not lose heart, be of good faith, He takes care of us and of our needs. No sorrow, no affliction, no honest prayer escapes His attention, He knows everything, just be patient enough for the fruits of the trials, afflictions or sorrows to ripe and establish goodness and strength of our characters and souls. All these last times will help us purify, and to stand in the day of Yahushua which will arrive soon to end all sorrows and afflictions. Rather than being occupied in blaming, try to proclaim the cure for evil, sin, sufferings and their consequences; the cure, which is Yahushua. He invites everyone of us and all of us to come to Him to be saved and to be loved.
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