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Parents and the children share a very unique bond. Parents educate their children, care for them, fulfill their wishes in their best interest, correct them, support them in times of need, love them unconditionally and so many other things they do selflessly, without asking or requiring any rewards. Parents are like the trees, who comfort and protect their children from the heat of the troubles, from which the children are unaware. Similarly, the children are like plants, which when nourished well with the laws, morals, knowledge and ethical values, flourish and branch well when they are grown up. They are like the clay soil, ready to receive the impressions and lessons of the life. When a child is properly taken care of, he or she will develop a personality that will define the person for the rest of the life, because whatever a child learns in the childhood is retained for the entire lifetime and helps in developing specific characteristics of the child.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6}
Learning starts at home, since the children look towards their parents and learn through their behaviour and actions to specific situations or in general. The children reflect the parents more or less in their behaviour and actions. The parents are the immediate guides or mentors of the children and thus bear great responsibility to train the children spiritually, morally and prepare them how to live in the world.
The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him. {Proverbs 20:7}
Often in today's busy life, the parents leave the task of training their children to the school and expect their children to be perfect in every field since today's schools promise to provide world class education and overall personality development of the child academically as well as personally. The schools might be doing their duties well in training the children, but faced with large number of students, it might not be possible to give every child the attention he or she deserves, dedicating time to solve their personal problem areas. Therefore it is important to ask the children about their studies, how their time went in the school, any special event happened etc. The talk need not be strict about knowing the academic records only, as today's children are facing tough times and competition. They are stressed much to cope up with the studies, sports and excelling in almost every field apart from study is already putting much pressure on the children. Thus it is important to have a daily talk with the children which should be more oriented towards how are they at school and knowing the children at heart completely. This way the children will develop trust in their parents to discuss all issues openly and over time will develop the confidence they require along with the qualities like courage, patience, truthfulness etc, since they will be knowing that their parents are with them, no matter how complex the problems might be.
It is important that the children should be taught to respect the elders of the family whether it be his or her brothers or sisters, parents, uncle or aunt, grandparents etc. They should be listening to their parents and follow the instructions or guidance provided them.
Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. {Proverbs 4:1}
My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother. {Proverbs 6:20}
Since, if they show unwillingness to listen to their elders, they most probably will become stubborn in their behaviour and over time will start disrespecting their elders as being of old time and old values.
A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. {Proverbs 10:1}
The children should be taught that it is important to acknowledge whatever their parents tell them and it is for their own good and betterment.
Sometimes parents argue with each other in front of the children. An occasional disagreement during which parents treat each other with respect and move into problem-solving
is a good thing for kids. It's considered a form of role modeling. It shows children that people can disagree and settle their problems in a peaceful way. On the other hand, loud arguments, aggressive behaviour or call each other names can be harmful for the children. These types of arguments can make children anxious and scared. If parents bully one another, the kids learn to bully others. Children learn how to handle conflicts and disagreements from their parents. When they see their parents being disrespectful or harsh to each other, they learn that it is acceptable or fine to disrespect. They often interpret this behavior that the only way to disagree is to yell and scream at each other.
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. {Colossians 3:21}
Sometimes, the parents keep angry after going through such arguments, they forget that they are talking to the
children and their anger get poured out unintentionally on their children. This type of home environment proves very negative to the children, they get emotionally weak and can start fearing each small incidents, experience lack of self-confidence or get distant from the rest of the society or friends. When faced with disputes and quarrels at home, children and especially teenagers turn to the outside environment to get emotional and moral support they are in need of. And in such situations, there is every possibility that they might turn to wrong sources or false supports, because when anyone is emotionally disturbed then the natural ability of the same person to distinguish between good and bad diminishes. All the person looks for is the emotional support and an ear who can listen to what the person has to say. Thus it is important that if there are any arguments happening in front of the children, then they should be moderate, light talks which settle down with mutual conclusion. If there are any further discussions, then parents can consider the same out of the audible and visible area of the children.
Children often quarrel with each other over toys etc. while playing. It is important to monitor or keep an eye on their activities while they play, since they are unaware of how to
handle any such situations and need guidance in the same from their parents. Since only parents can provide the guidance and directions which their children require, teaching them the lessons for life.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. {Proverbs 22:15}
It should be ensured that the toys are harmless, in that they are not made of pointed or sharp edges or of metallic stuff like guns etc. Little children usually put the toys in their mouth out of curiosity, thus it is important that the toys should not have pointed or sharp edges. Moreover, the toys should also not be like any weapons, as weapons are meant for attack only and the children will also learn the same by playing with such toys. Plastic toys on the other hand contain plasticizers, a plastic additive harmful to children, which are commonly used to soften plastics and provide flexibility and thus plastic toys should not be given to children to play. If desired, information about the toy manufacturer and safety standards while preparing the plastic toys should be inquired beforehand. It is required to know what games the children are playing in general, to ensure their safety in the game and they can be encouraged to play any new non-competitive constructive and thoughtful games.
Earlier, children would spend more time playing outside. Today, the pressure of the studies and competition limits the time and puts restriction on the children to play enough outside. Moreover, the children have other alternatives available, among which watching TV is more common across all school going children. Mostly they like to watch cartoons and other kids' programs. Since usually children try to imitate or mimic what they see on TV out of curiosity or influence, it is important to know about and have a watch over what the children are seeing on the TV. Little boys usually tend to recreate the fight scenes they might have watched in an action serial or cartoon.
They usually start using the same language and tones they see or hear on TV, and once they feel comfortable using the same, it will become more difficult over time to rectify such habits. If there is an indication that the child is refusing to be obedient to the parents, then it is mandatory for the parents to correct them by adapting appropriate methodologies.
Withhold not correction from the child. {Proverbs 23:13}
For example, since the father is the head of the family and has authoritative rights in the family, he can switch off the TV and ask the children to be obedient and respectful to the elders, their decisions and makes sure that they are listening actively. As there is no guarantee of the content shown on the TV, even an advertisement of few seconds can prove harmful to the children, keeping the remote control of the TV with the parents is the first step to ensure that the children are not exposed to any content which might prove harmful to their innocent memory, at the same time an elder person should be sitting beside them to watch over. Deciding the time window during which the children can watch TV and limiting what they see on TV can also be considered. There are many views related to TV watching by children as; they tend to become physically inactive and develop obesity; TV watching is harmful to the eyes of the children; they learn from TV by seeing knowledge related shows and TV can act as a tool to educate them etc. But it is up to the parents to decide whether it is useful to the children or not.
Similarly, computer is another such device which is now common in the homes and computer without internet is restricts its use to be merely an editing box. Thus, it has
become necessary to have internet service with the computer for the children to learn or explore the material related to studies. With the search engines, searching anything is as simple as typing it and clicking search. Since the computer is not intelligent enough to recognize who is it's user, a thirty year old person or a child, there is no difference in the results of searching. Getting to the wrong paths is as simple as typing the wrong word and the doorway to the wrong path is the rectangular search field. That means it is dangerous for the kids to use internet without the supervision of the elders, since their curiosity might lead them to the wrong pathways. Children are taught not to entertain strangers, but on the internet, where there is complete anonymity of it's user, any unwanted agency or person may pose as child. While the reasons for those persons to behave in this manner might be any, it is important to safeguard and protect the children from these strangers on the internet. Children should be taught that they should not share any information as address, phone number, photographs etc. on the internet, especially with the strangers, and inform to the parents as and when there is a similar situation. The computer or laptop should be placed in an open area, where the monitor can be seen for it's usage. Although, the children might have been using it privately and can ask that it comprises their privacy, explain them that it is not to compromise their privacy or because of disbelief in them, it is to ensure their safety and security.
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. {Proverbs 29:17}
Apart from it, internet filtering softwares or applications like firewalls or other similar tools can be used to ensure safe internet experience.
It should also be remembered that the internet is not limited to computers only, and being online now covers devices like mobile phones, game consoles etc. And today's children or the young generation is better aware of the technological advancements and their use than the parents. Therefore if the children are using any such devices which provide internet connectivity, then it is required to monitor the device usage also.
Parents are people too, and just like in any other relationships, they tend to move towards the child they trust and have the most in common with. They might feel more protective and caring towards a younger child. Parents also tend to react a certain way because of who their child resembles. If the child resembles the parent more, the
parent may feel closer to them, but if the resemblance is less then the parent may treat them different unknowingly. Sometimes the parent may be favoring one of the children and does not realize it. The behaviour and interaction of the parents with their favorite child can be seen as a sign of partiality by the other children. Sometimes favoritism may come from the parents' family tree. If parent's mother or father showed favoritism towards them, it is possible for the parent to pick up the same habits and show favoritism towards one of their own children. Other children notice this behaviour of their parents and might feel inferior or jealous of the favorite child.
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours. And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him. {Genesis 37:3, 4}
The child who is favored will always look for an advantage from their parents when compared to his or her brothers and sisters in terms of pocket money, birthday gifts etc. At the same time other children will always think of getting an inferior gift etc. when compared to the favorite child. This is not good for the sound development of the relationships among the children and between the parents and the children. This kind of environment might turn the jealousy among the children to rivalry when they are grown up in terms of possessions, status etc. Being a parent requires a person to give attention to all the children. It is normal for a parent to have a favorite child, the key is to get over the fact that a person has a favorite child. Look at the positive qualities in all of the children, and love them the same as the parent is loving the other child. Showing favoritism is common in many households and may go away as time goes on.
Similarly, comparing the child to other children in terms of excelling in study, sports etc. is not good for the mental health development of the child. Instead the child should be encouraged in whatever field he or she performs well while asking them to be careful about their studies.
One of the most important things parents can do is to eat dinner with their children as a family. Because of the busy schedule, either the parents are not having a timely dinner or the children are selective about their eating times and habits. Many children take their plate and head to their room, or wherever a television set is. Eating food with the family
patches up the communication gap between the children and their parents, although it is not desired that the parents and children talk at the dinner table. The presence of the parents among the children at the dinner sends a message to them that they are an important part of the family. The grandparents of the family have respectable positions, their stories and their relationships with the children help the child grow emotionally strong, develop deeper understanding, develop respect for the elders etc. Their presence at the dinner table is well appreciated and cherished by the children.
Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. {Proverbs 17:6}
Children can be taught about the importance of different types of food articles and vegetables, so that they develop good eating habits and know the benefits of eating nutritious food. One of the greatest aspects of having a family dinner is to improve relationships within the family. Having family dinners together creates an atmosphere of support and trust with one another. It may be hard to sit down as a family when both parents work, especially when they have conflicting schedules. Weekend times will work best in such situations, if dinner time doesn't work then the family can consider eating afternoon meal together. Encourage the children to attend family dinners and make it appear as a time for the family to bond. The family dinner can also be a time where the family can share the love they have for each other.
The righteousness cultivated in the children by parenting the right way will in turn give joy and happiness to the parents.
The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. {Proverbs 23:24}
My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine. {Proverbs 23:15}
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