1954-1955 Season
THE 1954-1955 SEASON
BY GRAEME CREE
THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENNY
Ran 9/26/54 - 5/22/55 on Sundays at 7:00 p.m.
30-minute episodes (35 episodes total, 30 surviving)
1954-1955 SEASON (Season 25)
Jack Benny: Master of Ceremonies
Mary Livingstone: Goodness only knows what her official role is
Rochester Van Jones: MC's Valet
Bob Crosby: Orchestra Leader
Don Wilson: Announcer
Dennis Day: Vocalist
Writers: Sam Perrin, Milt Josefsberg, George Balzer, John Tackaberry, Al Gordon, Hal Goldman
The Sportsmen Quartet: Singers of Musical Commercials
There are 35 episodes in this season, plus the end post-season Christmas special (see below). Of these 36 episodes, 25 are new episodes (although 6 of them are direct remakes of earlier episodes, while 11 episodes are reruns of episodes from the 1952-3 or 1953-4 Seasons)
CHANGES FOR THE 1954-1955 SEASON:
THE 4-MAN SHOW: Mary Livingstone is out 18 episodes this season, and Bob Crosby misses 19. In effect, the 6-man cast has been reduced to 4.
IS IT MARY OR IS IT MEMOREX?: In addition, in most or all of the episodes in which Mary does appear in this season, her voice has been dubbed into the episode after the fact. Another actress (usually Joan Benny), appeared in the studio and did Mary's lines for her, while Mary herself stayed home and recorded her lines in her living room. As a result, the acoustics of her dialogue often do not quite match that of the other actors. Her delivery and timing, once quite rapier-like, is usually flat and dull this season, as she has no one to act off of.
RERUNS: With more and more of Jack and his writer’s efforts being poured into the television show, several episodes this season are simply reruns of older episodes.
REMAKES: And several more episodes are rewritten versions of episodes too old to be rerun (due to changes in casting, sponsors or both). The good news is that the remakes are of classic episodes, and are often improved by the remaking process. The No Script episode (a remake of the 1-12-1941 episode is a vast improvement over the original, and a strong contender for one of the Top 10 Benny Radio shows of all time).
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: After the series ended, a one-shot Christmas special was broadcast on 12-02-1956, sponsored by 3M. As Jack’s REAL Last Ever Radio Show, it seemed too important to be ignored, and so, though technically not a part of the 1954-5 Season, it is included here as though it were.
COMPLETE TRANSCRIPTS: For this final season, rather than transcribe highlights and best jokes, all 36 episodes have been transcribed in their entirety, with notes, comments and annotations inserted in colored bold text into the transcript itself.
RATINGS AND RANKINGS: For this season, I’ve assigned (subjective) ratings to all of the episodes, from 1 star (worst), to 5 stars (Best). Since the shows often break neatly into two parts (a studio segment, followed by a play, for example), each episode has two such ratings; one for the first half of the show, the other for the second half. When you add them together, each episode has a rating ranging from 2 stars to 10 stars.
Here’s my list of every episode of the season, (subjectively) ranked in quality from Best to Worst, along with ratings for each episode. The F/S column indicates the ratings for the First and Second halves of the show (ranging from 1 to 5). Total is overall rating for the entire episode (ranging from 2 to 10).
NEW EPISODES
(* indicates a Remake of an earlier episode)
DATE TITLE F/S TOTAL
55-01-16 Jack Doesn't Have a Script 5/5 10 *
55-04-03 Ed and the Vault 5/5 10
54-12-05 Christmas Shopping 5/5 10
54-11-14 Dinner at Don's 5/5 10 *
55-05-22 Trouble with Wimbly, Sound Effects Man 5/5 10
54-11-21 Jack Has a Cold He Caught at Don's House 4/4 8 *
54-09-26 Show Not Being Broadcast 4/4 8
55-01-02 Rose Bowl Parade.doc 4/4 8
54-10-31 Sportsmen are Fired 4/4 8 *
54-11-28 Dennis Sees a Psychiatrist 3/4 7
56-12-02 Christmas Special 3/4 7
55-03-06 The Life of Jack Benny Movie 3/4 7 *
55-04-17 Bob Hope and Jack Double Date 3/3 6
55-02-13 Surprise Party for Jack 3/3 6 *
55-02-27 Television Wrestling 3/3 6
55-05-15 A Friend at Union Station 2/4 6
55-01-09 The Elephant's Graveyard Mystery 3/3 6
54-12-26 903 Day After Christmas - Dennis' Cold 3/3 6
55-05-01 Love Letters-Jack Buys a Baseball Team 3/2 5
55-03-27 Shooting of Dan Mcgrew 3/2 5
55-04-24 Renting the Maxwell to a Movie Studio 3/2 5
55-01-30 Beverly Wilshire Health Club 3/2 5
54-10-03 Garden of Evil 3/2 5
55-03-20 Jury Duty and Phone Trouble 2/2 4
54-10-24 The Drive-In 2/1 3
RERUNS FROM PREVIOUS YEARS
DATE TITLE F/S TOTAL
55-01-23 At the Race Track 5/5 10
55-02-20 The Beavers Do The Show 5/5 10
55-04-10 Easter Stroll 5/5 10
54-10-10 Polly Goes To The Shrink 5/3 8
54-12-12 In Palm Springs 4/3 7
54-10-17 The Purple Pirate 3/4 7
55-03-13 Selling Jack's House 4/3 7
54-11-07 Jack Sees a Doctor 4/2 6
55-05-08 A Day at the Beach 3/2 5
55-02-06 The Sponsor Gets A Million Dollar Policy 3/2 5
54-12-19 Christmas At Palm Springs 3/2 5
1. 09/26/54 SHOW NOT BEING BROADCAST (27:59)
THE SHOW: As usual, Jack objects to the insulting introduction that Don gave him. So, not much has changed over the summer. Considering how often this happens, you’d think Jack would demand the right to clear Don’s Intros before he used them.
Bob arrives, and he didn’t get a summer vacation, as his afternoon show is on five days a week. Jack tells Bob how he needs to forget about money and get away to relax. Bob thinks he’s in the wrong studio, but Jack explains that his new writer hasn’t gotten the hang of his character. Bob explains that he had mini-vacations during the weekends, when he went camping, hunting and mountain climbing in Bing’s front yard. The topic of weekend vacations serves as a springboard for Bob to recount Remley’s latest drunkie story.
Dennis arrives, and announces that he’s quitting the show, because Jack hasn’t paid him for the last three months. Jack tries to explain that this was because the show wasn’t broadcast over the summer, but Dennis isn’t buying it. Jack tries to hold his temper, with middling success. Dennis sings “If You Love Me”.
After the song, Dennis keeps insisting that he was in the empty studio singing all summer. Jack knows that Dennis was singing at the Sahara in Vegas all summer, but gets burned up anyway.
Memorex Mary arrives, and discusses Dennis’ gambling acumen with him. Memorex Mary slams Jack, then offers to give him a kiss to make up for it, but since she’s not really in the studio, how much fun could it be?
Bob and Memorex discusses Mr. Livingstone’s handy tips for beating the summer heat with booze (Better living through booze!).
Memorex notices that Don is sulking in the corner. Don is in a sour mood because everyone gets applause except him. Rather than give Don something funny to do, Jack asks the audience to applaud him just because. Amazingly, this perks Don right up.
Rochester makes his usual mid-show phone call, providing the irony that Mary, who’s supposed to be there in the studio actually isn’t, and Rochester, who’s supposed to be on the phone is actually there in the studio. Jack and Roch discuss Jack’s renting out his top hat to a magician (with typical results).
When the subject turns to Jack’s program, Rochester mentions that it’s not on the air. He tuned in the radio, but music was playing where Jack’s show should have been.
Jack leaves the studio to investigate. After he does, the Sportsmen sing a tobacco themed version of “The Happy Wanderer”.
SITCOM: Jack wanders through the studio wondering why his program isn’t being broadcast. Jack arrives at the office of George Foster, the Chief Engineer. No, it’s not that 1970’s Cincinnati Reds outfielder, it’s Frank Nelson. His assistant (Mel) wasn’t aware that the show wasn’t on. Mel checks out the control panel and gives a technobabble explanation of Jack’s problems (Short Answer: It ain’t plugged in.) However, Union rules prevent anyone but Frank from doing it.
Frank arrives, but, in the interest of good taste, refuses to plug in Jack’s dirty show. Jack plugs it in himself just in time for the program to end.
TAG: Remley is opening at the Hollywood Roosevelt Cinegrill on October 5. No word yet on whether he’ll be horizontal or perpendicular.
MISSING REGULAR CAST: None
NOTABLE GUEST STARS:
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Frank Nelson, Benny Rubin, The Sportsmen Quartet
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins
DON'S INTRO:
DON: "Ladies and Gentlemen, while September is one of the most beautiful months of the year, there is a certain sadness about it. Yes, many sad things occur at this time of year. Children have to go back to school, vacations are over, and people have to go back to work. The flowers wilt, the leaves die, and Jack Benny comes back on the air."
JACK: "Hmmm."
DON: "And here he is, Jack Benny!"
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: ****
A good solid start to the season. A formula episode, but one where almost everything clicks. Dennis quitting the show and Bob's routine about Remley and Bing work very well. Don and Mary's routines are not quite as good, but both work. Don sulking because he doesn't get enough applause doesn't, but it's short.
SECOND HALF: ****
Another formula but effective bit of Jack sparring with Mel and Frank. From Mel's technobabble to Frank's holding Jack's show hostage, it's not a classic by any means, but a solid half hour of laughs.
2. 10/03/54 GARDEN OF EVIL (24:35)
SITCOM: Jack is in his dressing room, reminiscing about his career, from his beginnings in vaudeville, to his career in radio, to his career in movies, to the time that The Horn Blows at Midnight killed it.
Rochester comes in to shave Jack with a new shaving cream, approved by AA.
Don arrives, and has the orchestra play Gilette's Look Sharp/Be Sharp March, coincidentally written by Jack's arranger, Mahlon Merrick. Don wants to do the rehearsal right away, as he broke a tooth when his wife's arm got too close during the dinner feeding.
Jack goes to the studio, where Mahlon is rehearsing the band. Mahlon tries to defend the band from Jack's mostly legitimate criticisms. Jack asks for a commercial, and Mahlon uncorks his Look Sharp/Be Sharp March again, as a candidate. Jack rejects it, even though it's kind of catchy.
The Sportsmen sing "Blue Eyes Smiling At Me", which Jack approves, mainly because they dedicated it to him. Jack goes to his dressing room, and tries to call Dennis' house to find out why he isn't at rehearsal. He calls the telephone operators, who fail to contact him, but succeed in having an interesting conversation about Gertrude's new scuba diving hobby.
As Jack gives Rochester the night off, Dennis arrives, late from having to break up an argument between his parents (his dad had told him where they'd moved). There's no time for Dennis to rehearse his song, so Jack moves right on to rehearsing their play.
THE PLAY: Garden of Evil, very loosely based on the Gary Cooper picture of the same name. Mahlon tries to use the Look Sharp/Be Sharp March to introduce the play, forcing Jack to use his veto again.
In the 1840's, two drifters (Jack and Don) are on their way by boat to the California gold rush, but get blown off course, and land in Mexico, (guaranteeing that the Si/Cy sketch is imminent).
Jack and Don arrive in a restaurant in Sonora. Don tries to order, while Jack tries to date up the waitress (Hey, what's the good of playing a Gary Cooper role if you don't take advantage of it?) Unfortunately, the waitress is married, and her husband is named Sy (Told you!) Although there's no more chance of getting a date, Jack goes through the routine, anyway.
No matter, another woman comes in, this one played by sultry Veola Vonn, and offering a thousand dollars to Jack if he'll accompany her on a five day journey to a mine in the mountains where her… Husband (D'oh!) is trapped. Unfortunately, by the time they get there, her husband (Dennis) has been bitten by a snake and is dying. Veola kisses Dennis goodbye so many times that Jack regrets taking the starring role for once. Veola marries Jack to get her thousand dollars back, but anything they do together happens off-screen, where Jack can't benefit from it. Somehow, these events have made something or other into a Garden of Evil. The End.
MISSING REGULAR CAST: Mary Livingstone, Bob Crosby
NOTABLE GUEST STARS: Mahlon Merrick, Veola Vonn
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Bea Benaderet, Shirley Mitchell, The Sportsmen Quartet
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins
DON'S INTRO:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does his first television show of the season. But of course, he also has a radio show to do. So, let's go back an hour and visit Jack in his dressing room. He's relaxing before rehearsal."
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: ***
A typical by-the-numbers opening bit that goes through the numbers, provides a few laughs, and makes decent listening, but does nothing special. The Look Sharp/Be Sharp jokes are the highlight.
SECOND HALF: **
A very weak play that never really gets off the ground. Jack walks into a bar, and goes to meet Dennis, who immediately dies. There's a Si/Cy sketch in there that probably wasn't in the movie they were spoofing. Maybe if they'd left that out, they might have had a little time to make a stab at re-telling a little of the movie.
3. 10/10/54 POLLY GOES TO THE SHRINK (29:31)
[Rerun of 9-27-1953]
SITCOM: Don, Dennis, Mary and Bob are enjoying lunch at the drugstore across the street from the studio. Mary says Jack is going to see Mr. Ackerman at CBS about a vital matter. (Vital to Jack, that is.)
Jack enters and calls Rosie the Roisterer over to take their order. Dennis finds one of his songs on the jukebox. They have trouble getting exact change, but eventually manage it. (Bottom Line: Jack, who already pays $35 a week to hear Dennis sing, has to pay another nickel). On the jukebox, Dennis sings Torna a Sorrento.
Everyone discusses how much they like Bob's TV show on CBS. Jack tries to wangle a guest spot. Bob only has $15 in the budget for a guest star, but that's good enough for Jack.
Dennis returns from weighing himself naked in the drugstore's phone booth.
Rosie returns with the checks. Don, Bob and Dennis (only) argue over who will pay. Bob pays, and everyone disperses. Mary goes to play golf, Jack goes for a newspaper. Jack engages in a walking monologue about the warm fuzzy feeling he got from watching Bob tip Rosie.
At the store, Jack meets The Rube From Calabasas, who's out buying a milking machine. Rube tells Jack a really old joke about an uncle who drowned in a wine vat, and it took the mortician a week to get the smile off his face. Maybe in Calabasas, that joke is new.
Jack meets up with Mary. Realizing that he forgot to buy a newspaper, he turns on the radio for news. Jack hears Hy Averback doing a newscast, and introducing some musical quartet who sings a tobacco-themed version of "Oh!". Hopefully it's the Sportsmen, because the thought of two tobacco-obsessed quartets out there is a bit scary. Suppose they ever met!
Jack returns home and asks Rochester to take his golf clubs to the clubhouse. Unfortunately, the Maxwell is having more funny problems which may make this difficult to do.
Jack checks on Polly, who recently tried to hatch a coconut. Jack decides that she's lonely and needs a mate. Mary suggests taking Polly to an animal psychiatrist. (And before you get the wrong idea, that's a psychiatrist that TREATS animals, not… oh, never mind).
Mary drops Jack off at the doctor's office. The psychiatrist is Hy Averback again, but now with a German accent. Hy asks Polly her age. Polly, who was born in 1894, thinks she's 39. Jack is unable to explain where she gets such delusions.
Hy decides to give Polly a word association test about music. For some reason, the word "violin" reminds her of penicillin, but it's just a throwback to this week's running gag. Somehow the test erupts into complete pandemonium when Hy mentions the word "Mother".
TAG: Back in the car, Mary asks what the psychiatrist said, and helps plug Jack's next TV show.
MISSING REGULAR CAST: None
NOTABLE GUEST STARS: Iris Adrian, Hy Averback
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Sam Hearn, The Sportsmen Quartet
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins
DON'S INTRO:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, every Saturday morning after rehearsal, the Jack Benny cast usually drops into the corner drugstore for a light lunch. As the scene opens, all of us, with the exception of Jack, have just entered the drugstore."
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: *****
The drugstore sketch clicks on all cylinders. One of those sketches where not only everything works, but everyone has something good to do.
SECOND HALF: ***
The Polly sketch works, but does nothing special. Some of the jokes are only so-so. Best line: "It took six writers to think of THAT??"
4. 10/17/54 THE PURPLE PIRATE (29:27)
[Rerun of 11-16-1952]
SITCOM: Jack comes into the kitchen one morning, and finds that Rochester has overslept. He searches through the cupboards to make breakfast himself, but finds them all loaded with Ideal dog food.
Jack wakes Rochester up with a feather duster. Roch tells Jack about his dream, and Jack's knack for interrupting certain dreams and not others.
Polly is still sulking. Mary arrives with the news that the Colman's butler quit rather than live next to Jack. Jack is sure he'll be back.
Dennis arrives, and does his routine. Dennis sings "Lady of Spain".
Dennis announces that he's having his tonsils out tonight to entertain a doctor friend who's coming over. Dennis and Mary leave.
Bob calls to invite Jack over to a Poker game with the boys, but Jack finds the stakes to be a little too high.
Mr. Kitzel calls asking Jack for tickets to various radio shows, in order to get his brother-in-law out of the house.
Jack goes through his library looking for a book to read (and imagine a play around, of course). He comes across a tome called "The Purple Pirate". Jack sits down to read, and the play begins:
THE PLAY: Jack is Captain Morgan the Pirate (and rum merchant?). After being at sea a year, his ship has just captured a schooner coming back from the Orient.
His crew scuttles the captured ship with cannon fire. Jack's first mate, Red Robert goes over the booty they captured. Jack meets the enemy captain (Don) and Mary, one of his passengers. Since a woman on a pirate ship is bad luck, Jack flips a coin to see whether Mary should stay or walk the plank. After several attempts, he gets it to come up Heads, so Mary stays.
That evening, the crew serenades Mary with a Lucky Strike-themed version of a medley of sea shanties. In fact, it sounds a lot like Jack's crew is the Sportsmen.
Over the next few days, the crew becomes surly and mutinous due to bad weather and lack of supplies. Suddenly, Jack's ship is attacked by Dennis Lafitte. Jack fashions a white flag out of Mary's laundry and surrenders.
After three days in the hold, Jack meets Lafitte. Faced with the choice of becoming his slave or dying, Jack choose death for himself and Mary. Mary vetoes half of this plan.
At this point, the doorbell rings. With Rochester nowhere near, Jack answers it himself. It's Mel, delivering two more vans of Ideal Dog Food. Jack orders it stored in the swimming pool, as the garage is full.
MISSING REGULAR CAST: None
NOTABLE GUEST STARS:
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Artie Auerbach, The Sportsmen Quartet
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins
DON'S INTRO:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does another television program. But in the meantime, let’s go back to this morning in Beverly Hills. As we look in on the Benny household, we find Jack just entering the kitchen."
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: ***
A typical Jack-sits-around-the-house and does routines with people episodes.
Good, servicable listening but not exceptional.
SECOND HALF: ****
One of the better plays. It's got a storyline that actually advances, and jokes which help advance the plot
5. 10/24/54 THE DRIVE-IN (27:38)
SITCOM: Jack is at home watching Ronald Colman's big party going on next door. Ronnie's absence the last few years has really cut into the number of invitations Jack gets. Jack continues playing Gin with Rochester, and doing no better than he did against Mary a few years back. He considers calling the Pots office to see if they lost an invitation to Ronnie's party, until he realizes that they've also lost his gas bill.
Sherwood, Ronnie's butler, calls up asking Jack to come over, but only to but only to wait on tables. Jack not-so-politely declines.
Jack decides to keep playing with Rochester, but he's got the evening off. Dennis calls, asking to come over, and Jack is desperate enough to take him up on it. Dennis arrives, but he's just there to sing his song, before getting back to Ronnie's party. Dennis sings "An Irishman Will Steal Your Heart Away" (again).
Don drops by, without the Sportsmen for once, asking if Jack would like to take in a movie. The local Drive-in is showing Murder at Picadilly, and a special surprise second feature.
Jack, Don and Dennis pile into the Maxwell. On the way, they pass the Sportsmen at a light, who sing Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellen Bogen by the Sea.
Jack, Don and Dennis arrive at the theater. They argue with Frank Nelson at the ticket booth about the price of tickets, then try to find a place to park the car. Jack, Don and Dennis argue with each other trying to get the car parked straight. As they do, they arouse the ire of a nearby couple (Mel Blanc and Elvia Allman), and argue with them about the fact that Jack's argument with Don and Dennis has woken up their kids (also in the car).
Don and Jack argue some more about whether to move the car more to the center of the theater. They hear a couple in a nearby car, who sound a lot more interesting than the picture.
They finally start to hear a little of the picture. An inspector starts to announce who the murderer is, when Jack's car horn gets stuck (no big deal, since we didn't know what the crime was, anyway). Jack gets the horn unstuck, but not before Mel's kids are woken up again. Jack finally moves his car to a new spot, just in time for the start of the second feature, The Horn Blows at Midnight. A mass exodus ensues.
MISSING REGULAR CAST: Mary Livingstone, Bob Crosby
NOTABLE GUEST STARS: Elvia Allman, Artie Auerbach, Herb Vigran, Veola Vonn
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Frank Nelson, Benny Rubin, The Sportsmen Quartet
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins, Coleen Collins, June Earle, Eric Snowden, Marty Sperzel, Dick Ryan
DON'S INTRO:
"As you know, Ladies and Gentlemen, Hollywood is the glamour capital of the world. And since Saturday night is the time your favorite stars get together for those gay parties you read about, let's go back to last night and see what's going in Jack Benny's Beverly Hills mansion."
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: **
A pretty weak opening segment. Nothing terribly funny happens. Ronald Colman having a party that Jack isn't invited to was supposed to be funny, but they didn't bother writing much humor to go along with this promising premise.
SECOND HALF: *
A downright annoying segment, featuring a lot of yelling, a lot of running around, a lot of confusion, but no real jokes. Not funny, and painful to listen to.
6. 10/31/54 THE SPORTSMEN ARE FIRED (28:56)
[Remake of 11-03-1946]
SITCOM: It's November 1, 1953, and Jack and Rochester are cleaning up after Halloween. That was the day Jack was woken up at 4 a.m. by Hank, the All-Night Disk Jockey, but no matter, as no reference to that incident will appear here. Jack and Rochester are cleaning up after Halloween. Don is waiting in the den, but Dennis hasn't arrived yet, as pranksters stole the wheels off his bicycle. (They would have TP'ed his house, but toilet paper doesn't exist in the Bennyverse). Jack's own bathtub was moved to his porch, and his porch moved to Pasadena.
Jack goes to the den to talk to Don, hiding Dennis' bicycle wheels in his closet in the process. Don and Polly greet Jack in the den, when the phone rings. Dennis is on the way over in his mother's steamroller, and tells about a mean and rather cartoonish prank kids played on his Uncle Herman with that selfsame steamroller.
Jack and Don talk a little about Polly, while Don recycles lines assigned to Phil Harris in the 11-03-1946 episode.
Rochester answers the phone, and lets slip that they have come bicycle wheels for sale before realizing that Dennis is on the other end. He tries to BS his way out of it by affecting a Chinese accident, and faking a wrong number. Dennis had called to sing the song he was going to do on the program, but it's cut for time again.
Jack says that he asked Don over because he wants to fire the Sportsmen, for constantly getting out of control, and refusing to take direction. Don convinces Jack to give them another chance.
Jack and Don go to the drugstore for lunch. They have their usual set to with Rosie the Roisterer, when they spot the Sportsmen themselves having lunch. Don tries to warn the Sportsmen, but despite his warnings, they preview their new song, Sh Boom, for Jack right there in the drugstore. Jack is again resolved to fire them.
Jack arrives at the office of Joseph S. Kearns, Attorney at Law (Joseph Kearns). After getting past his oddly-accented receptionist, Jack finds Kearns to be a bit on the absent-minded side. Kearns tries to deal with Mr. Smith on the phone, and his $50,000 lawsuit, Jack's attempts to fire the Sportsmen, and an indecisive couple, Mr. and Mrs. Krausmeyer, (Mel and Bea) who can't decide whether or not they want a divorce, and keeps getting the details of the three cases confused in his mind. With great effort, Jack finally manages to get Kearns straightened out, kinda sorta.
By the time he does, Mel and Bea have decided to go through with the divorce again. Kearns assures Jack that they'll change their minds again, but that things will be hard for their children until they do. Deciding that his own troubles are insignificant in the big scheme of things, Jack offers to adopt the Krausmeyer's children until things have been smoothed over. When Mr. Kearns takes Jack to see them, Jack realizes that he's adopted the Sportsmen!!
MISSING REGULAR CAST: Mary Livingstone, Bob Crosby
NOTABLE GUEST STARS: Iris Adrian
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Bea Benaderet, Joe Kearns, The Sportsmen Quartet
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins, Sandra Gould, Marty Sperzel,
DON'S INTRO:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does another of his regular TV shows over the CBS Network. But this is the Halloween season. And Halloween is synonymous with fun, whether you live in Beverly Hills, Brooklyn, Sioux City or Portland. So, let’s go back to last year, the day after Halloween, and see what went on in the Jack Benny household.
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: ****
Almost everything clicks here. The bike wheels gag works, the drugstore sketch works, the bits with Polly and Don work. Dennis' steamroller routine is a bit weak, perhaps, but doesn't take too much off the show.
SECOND HALF: ****
Kearns' Absent-Minded-Lawyer is one of the highlights of the season. The Razzle-Dazzle keeps going for the whole sketch, and the ending, though predictable, works well.
7. 11/07/54 JACK SEES A DOCTOR (29:18)
[Rerun of 11-09-1952]
SITCOM: Jack is at the lunch counter across from CBS, reading a newspaper. Rosie the Roisterer tries to get Jack to order (also not to crease the paper, which they still want to sell). Jack sees an article about people living on the moon, and gets an idea for a joke for his radio show. Rosie vetoes it.
Bob arrives, wanting to take something out. Rosie gets the wrong idea.
Jack steps away to buy razor blades. Mary arrives and gossips with Bob a bit about Jack's personal habits.
Jack returns and Don arrives. The Sportsmen have prepared a commercial for Jack to preview. They don't have time to go back to the studio, and so let Jack preview it right there in the drugstore. The Sportsmen sing a Lucky Strike themed version of "Botch-a-Me" as Rosie desperately tries to take their order.
Jack slips out during the confusion, embarrassed by the scene Rosie causes. Jack goes to the CBS, and asks "Harry" about his fan mail. The number of letters Jack received goes from 8,000 down to 0 when Harry learns that no one is listening.
Jack overhears Dennis on the phone, reading someone the Riot Act. When Jack asks Dennis who he was talking to, Dennis realizes that he had the wrong number.
Mary shows Jack the huge stack of fan mail that Bob just received, including a letter from Jack's own sister in Chicago.
Jack steps out on stage for rehearsal, and realizes that he has no time, as he needs to be at his doctor's office for a vitamin shot. Jack and Mary leave for the Doctor's office, as Dennis sings "Hey Brother, Pour the Wine".
In the car, Jack, Mary and Rochester are travelling to the doctor's, and discussing the Maxwell's latest foibles.
In the doctor's office, the nurse takes his information, and sits down to wait, next to a gentleman who thinks he's a rabbit. It turns out that the guy is not really a rabbit, but he plays one on TV.
Dr. Stevens is missing, so Jack sees one Dr. Nelson instead. Once again, Jack does not run screaming when he hears that name, and so in some sense deserves what he's about to get. In the hallway, Jack meets the Rube from Calabasas. The Rube's wife is about to have their 16th child, proving that even a Rube can sometimes… oh, never mind. Let's not finish that line. Jack resolves to ask why the Rube keeps calling him Rube (after it's too late, as usual).
Jack enters Dr. Nelson's office, and is shocked to find that it is Frank Nelson… Would you believe mildly surprised? Dr. Nelson prepares to give Jack his vitamin shot. Jack balks at the size of the needle, but eventually takes it. The shot hurts, but Jack's discomfort quickly turns to pleasure. Jack asks what vitamin Frank injected him with, and learns that it was Vitamins D, O, F, R and B. I'd tell you what that means, but the punchline just isn't worth it.
TAG: Driving back home, Jack nearly hits the guy who thinks he's a rabbit, and knocks the carrot out of his hand.
MISSING REGULAR CAST: None
NOTABLE GUEST STARS:
RECURRING GUEST STARS: Mel Blanc, Frank Nelson, Bea Benaderet, Sam Hearn, Benny Rubin, The Sportsmen Quartet, Iris Adrian
MINOR ROLES: Dorothy Collins
DON'S INTRO:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, let's go back to yesterday, a half hour before rehearsal. Jack has dropped in at the corner drugstore, and at the moment, we find him sitting at the counter, reading a newspaper."
NOTES AND EPISODE TRANSCRIPTIONS: See separate file
BOTTOM LINE:
FIRST HALF: ****
There are a few stock routines, like the Train Station, Christmas Shopping and having the Colmans guest star, that almost always work. The Drugstore sketches are another one, and this one keeps the laughs coming. The rest of the first half works as well. Dennis reading Jack the Riot Act over the phone in absentia is great.
SECOND HALF: **
The doctor's office sketch, however, is a bit weaker. Sometimes in these Frank Nelson sketches, they rely too much on Frank to carry the whole thing just with his voice, but he needs good writing to carry him through, and it's really not here. Injecting Jack with Dad's old Fashioned Root Beer is beyond lame. The best part of this half is the encounter with Bugs Bunny.