"NOAH The True Story" Meme: A Response

Ever since Darren Aronofsky's film "Noah" came out on March 28, 2014, various Christians have been complaining about the film not being sufficiently biblical.  Here is a Christian poster that has been circulation social media in recent days.

This is a laughable poster for many reasons.  I want to address only a couple.

1. The poster-creator is very much in the wrong to think the biblical Noah story is "true."  The Noah story is a Hebrew myth, merely one local variation on an older myth that goes back to ancient Sumer, long before the Jews or the bible or their god Yahweh existed.  A summary of historical and other problems with the biblical Noah story may be found here: https://sites.google.com/site/investigatingchristianity/home/otchrono#TheFlood

2. Ironically, the Christian who created this poster is so desperate to paint a halo over the biblical Noah story that he himself CHANGES the Biblical story, which is what he criticizes Aronofsky for doing! 

>> Invention #1: Poster Point #3: "Noah ... was inviting anyone who would to come into [the Ark]"??? 

Really?!?!   Where does that idea come from? 

Nowhere is it stated in the biblical account that Noah tried to persuade others to enter the ark!  Such is simply this guy's wishful projection onto the story.  His wishes his imaginary god were nicer than he is portrayed in the bible itself!

There was no invitation given to anyone except Noah's family in the biblical story!

>> Invention #2:  Poster Point #7: "Noah's job was ... to provide a way of salvation for mankind" ...  "and he understood that from the beginning" ???

What does the poster-maker mean by "salvation of mankind"?  

Mankind was screwed in the Noah story.

The Christian poster-maker does not care that IF the story were true, the Jewish god would have wiped out countless men, women, and children.  He did not save people.  He destroyed people!  ... all but 8.  

The biblical story in the book of Genesis does not say that the Ark was intended for the "salvation of mankind," only for Noah's family and 2-7 of each kind of animal (as if the other animals deserved to be drowned!).

• Genesis 6.5-8:  "... YHWH regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. So Yahweh said, 'I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them.' But Noah found favor in the eyes of Yahweh."  (NIV, with "Lord" changed back to the Hebrew Yahweh)

• Genesis 6.13-22: "So Elohim said to Noah, 'I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So make yourself an ark ... This is how you are to build it ... I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish. But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark—you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you. You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures ...  You are to take every kind of food that is to be eaten and store it away as food for you and for them.'  Noah did everything just as Elohim commanded him."  (NIV, with "God" changed back to the Hebrew Elohim)

According to the bible, Yahweh, or Elohim, wanted to destroy ALL of "mankind" except the family of Noah. 

Yes, that would include children as well!  What had the children done wrong, anyway?  Nothing.  Yet they deserved to drown in a flood?  Really?  And you call this a moral tale?

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Trivia not Related to the Poster:  

Aronofsky DID show Methuselah, Noah's own grandfather, die in the flood in the movie.

Did that happen in the bible story? 

It is impossible to say for sure, because the story is vague on the issue.

According to the far-fetched genealogical numbers in the biblical story, Methuselah lived to the age of 969, which would have been the same year his grandson Noah turned 600 years old in the story and the flood came.

Methuselah's time-line according to Genesis:

·      age 187: has a son named Lamech. (Gen 5.25)

·      age 369: has a grandson named Noah (Gen 5.28-9)

o   187 (Methuselah's age at Lamech's birth, Gen 5.25) + 182 (Lamech's age at Noah's birth, Gen 5.28-9) = 369 (Methuselah's age at Noah's birth)

·      age 964: his son Lamech dies, 5 years before the flood.

o   777 (Lamech's age at his own death, Gen 5.31) + 187 (Methuselah's age at Lamech's birth, Gen 5.25) = 964 (Methuselah's age at Lamech's death).

·      age 969: the flood comes and Methuselah dies (before or during the flood?)

o   369 (Methuselah's age at Noah's birth) + 600 (Noah's age when flood came, Gen 7.6) = 969 (Methuselah's age when the flood came), which matches Genesis 5.27, "Altogether, Methuselah lived a total of 969 years, and then he died."

BUT Aronosky did not make Noah 600 years old, or Methuselah 969, or Noah's 3 sons 100 years old, as in the biblical story!

• Genesis 5. 25-32. When Methuselah had lived 187 years, he became the father of Lamech. After he became the father of Lamech, Methuselah lived 782 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Methuselah lived a total of 969 years, and then he died.  When Lamech had lived 182 years, he had a son. He named him Noahc and said, “He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the Lord has cursed.” 30After Noah was born, Lamech lived 595 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Lamech lived a total of 777 years, and then he died.  After Noah was 500 years old, he became the father of Shem, Ham and Japheth. 

• Genesis 7.6-12:  6. Noah was 600 years old when the floodwaters came on the earth.  7. And Noah and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives entered the ark to escape the waters of the flood. ... 10.  And after the seven days the floodwaters came on the earth.  11. In the 600th year of Noah’s life, on the seventeenth day of the second month—on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. 12. And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights.  13. On that very day Noah and his sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth, together with his wife and the wives of his three sons, entered the ark.