It's always a challenge to adjust to a new grade level and new expectations as our children mature. So I've collected some helpful advice for parents of middle schoolers to appropriately support, and encourage their students as they form their identities and navigate the transition into young-adulthood.
6 Golden Principles of Raising a Middle School Student:
1. Resist the temptation to solve problems for your children: Allow your children to become self advocates and solve their own problems. If your student is struggling in a class, encourage him/her to approach the teacher directly and discuss potential strategies or plans to be successful. Resist the desire for instant resolution to a question by emailing your student's teacher. Rather, encourage your student to visit with their teacher to collaborate on a solution or to get an answer. It is normal for the amount of parent contact with a teacher to decrease through the course of this evolution as the student takes ownership and becomes the moderator of the "teacher-student-parent" information loop.
2. Allow your child to take ownership in the organization system that works best for him or her. Suggest strategies for organization and time management but allow students to struggle with it (do not change your expectations) but for many if not most students, they need to be able to (and be allowed to) experience failure in order to grow and adapt. Provide a quiet place for completing home assignments/tasks without TV's, computer screens, or other distractions. This is the time when your child needs you to be a parent more than a pal. Compassion and grace go a long way, but guard your boundaries.
3. Don't allow excuses: If your child has a disability, make sure that you reinforce for them that a disability is simply an area in which one must work harder than others. Everybody has weaknesses when compared to others, just like everybody has strengths when compared to others. It is not an excuse to perform at a lower standard. Students should be encouraged to develop coping mechanisms and strategies to compensate for their weaknesses. Support them in developing these methods, suggest possible strategies when they are struggling, but do NOT enable them by doing the assignment/task for them. Reinforce to your child that their success is their responsibility.
4. Hold your child accountable as a full-time professional learner. If work is not being completed or is not quality, hold them accountable for it with appropriate consequences at home. Reinforce that it is the student's responsibility to resolve the issue with their teacher. If you are dissatisfied with your students marks at term, establish a weekly accountability session with your student - wherein they are responsible for logging on to managebac, navigating and recording their upcoming tasks, and then briefly reporting to you what they have upcoming and summarizing their plan for completion. Look over their work, though you may not be an expert in the subject content, you can tell whether time and intention have been devoted to the appearance and presentation of the assignment or project. I tell my students that completing homework assignments (or formatives) is like training --and therefore, if one doesn't do quality work, then one is training to be good at doing poor quality work. (Similarly, if an athlete practices the wrong technique, they will become really good at doing the wrong technique!) This will only work if you are consistent with your expectations. If you are consistently waffling, your student will most likely learn at least not to respect the boundaries or at worst, work to manipulate them.
5. Understand that the teacher is working for the benefit of your child. Support the teacher. Much as we might hope our middle schooler to be completely honest with a perception that is not influenced by bias, this is simply not supported by brain research. Be polite, and consider the tone of your communication with the teacher. This person has dedicated their entire professional life's work to cultivating learners. Recognize the power you have as a parent to support that and be responsible for supporting the teacher's joy in their work. Recognize that in a high performing school such as Imagine International Academy, if your student is not performing to capacity, it is most likely not an issue of teaching, but rather of student learning habits and behaviors. Approach these situations collaboratively rather than with an adversarial demeanor.
6. Learn your child's love language. By knowing your child's love language, you will be able to reward them more efficiently in a way that is meaningful and truly motivational. For many, quality time and words of affirmation are major components and can be game changers in the pursuit of positive reinforcement. Be deliberate, intentional, and strategic about how you reward your student for their performance. Don't go overboard either; it is important that a student develops intrinsic motivation, delayed gratification, and an appreciation of learning for learning's sake.
When to contact a teacher:
Encourage your student to be the primary contact point between you and the teacher. They should be able to answer most questions about class by paying attention during class instruction and using the resources they have available (i.e. managebac, classmates, teacher websites like this one). Your student should be the primary point of contact for questions about the class including class assignments/ projects, expectations, etc.
It is best practice to email a teacher IF
-your student can not find the answer on managebac
AND
-your student can not find the answer from a classmate
AND
-your student can not find the answer on provided class materials/handouts
AND
-your student has already approached the teacher during tutorials, via email, and/or during class
If your student is absent, encourage him/her to be the one to email and inquire about missed work/activities, etc. And encourage them to email with specific questions, NOT generalities like "what did we do today?"
For Further Reading:
"Homework is my Kid's Job, Not Mine" - Washington Post Article November 4, 2014