Disclosures

One of the foundations of Honest Seduction is being transparent about things which could discourage a potential intimate. The key here is that if done well, vulnerability is sexy. Sharing things which are hard about your past builds trust. It creates a window for the other person to share information about themselves that you may well want to know before you get further involved. It removes guilt you may experience about whether you have been transparent enough. And if it turns out that this revelation is a deal breaker, it is likely best that you did not get started in the first place.

We have discovered in the workshop that these disclosures typically fall into one (or more) of 4 categories. Hyperlinks will lead you to more detailed advice on how to deal with each of these disclosures.

1. Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI)

2. Other high impact relationships

3. Past traumas

4. Pre-conditions to a deeper relationships

During workshops, we explore this aspect using a role play, in which one person practices offering a disclosure, and their partner practices receiving. Let’s call them the discloser, and the person who they are interested let’s name the listener. The primary purpose of the role play is for the discloser to practice revealing these difficult topics and get support and advice from others in the workshop as to how they might do it in a manner which is organic and authentic. The second, but no less important purpose, is for the listener to practice in receiving disclosure in a manner which is respectful, supportive, and above all, honest.

Below is the introduction given to this exercise during an HS workshop. Participants are asked to separate themselves into 4 groups (for the 4 types of disclosures) based on what feels most accessible to them. Facilitators drift from group to group, listening and interjecting as seems necessary.

Facilitator: The role play (and the Honest Seduction technique) assumes making these admissions is important for the discloser to continue with the exploration of their attractions. The purpose of this exercise is to learn how to share and how to receive disclosures. You are welcome to use true disclosures but are not required to, although it does make the exercise more easily translatable to your real life.

To the discloser: Don't drop the information like a bomb. Explain to your partner how this information fits into the greater context of your life. Weave this disclosure into the history of how you got here, how you currently feel about this disclosure, what it means to you, how it has has affected how you became the person you are today. By telling the more complete story, it opens the possibility for empathy or at least understanding on the part of the listener. Good starting phrases include: This is why this is important to me…, This affects my daily life in the following way…, This affects my romantic relationships in the following way…. Alternatively, "i want to tell you a story."

To the listener: Try to hold the discloser in the tension of this admission for a while. Don't accept without question, and don't run away. Play your role with the thought that you are still interested in pursuing the relationship, but are concerned about how this new information might influence your situation. Practice exploring the possibilities, expressing your concerns and fears, ask challenging questions. Use this opportunity to learn how to compassionately and respectfully receive a disclosure. Good starting phrases include: I would like to hear more about…., I am most concerned about…, How can i best support you when….

In about 15 minutes we will come back together, and you will have the opportunity (but are not required) to share what you discovered during the role play. Each group should split up into pairs, and begin the exercise. We will signal the group when it is time to switch, try to keep playing out your scenes until the time is up- dig deeper, ask questions, talk about how this disclosure might affect the relationship.

FUTURE CONTENT- VIDEO ROLEPLAYS