Lesson 33: The First Among Our Neighbours

Guide Questions

What is the difference between the first 3 Commandments and the last 7?
What is the meaning of the fourth Commandment?
What are the duties of children towards parents?
What are the duties of parents towards children?
What is a family?
What is the importance of the family?
Do children always have to obey their parents? Is there an age limit?
What should be the attitude towards those who govern the Church?
What should be the attitude towards those who govern the state?
Are there any situations where children should disobey their parents?
What is the name of the Apostolic Exhortation of Pope John Paul II on the family?

1. Review and Overview

1.1 Love of God and love of neighbour

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC 2067) states:

The Ten Commandments state what is required in the love of God and love of neighbor. The first three concern love of God, and the other seven love of neighbor.

As charity comprises the two commandments to which the Lord related the whole Law and the prophets . . . so the Ten Commandments were themselves given on two tablets. Three were written on one tablet and seven on the other. [St Augustine, Sermo 33, 2, 2]

1.2 Love of Neighbour

Saint Mark, in chapter 12 of his Gospel, records:

28* And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, "Which commandment is the first of all?" 29* Jesus answered, "The first is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one; 30 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' 31* The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

1.3 The order of Charity

The CCC 2197 teaches:

The fourth commandment opens the second table of the Decalogue. It shows us the order of charity. God has willed that, after him, we should honor our parents to whom we owe life and who have handed on to us the knowledge of God. We are obliged to honor and respect all those whom God, for our good, has vested with his authority.

1.4 What does this commandment cover?

The CCC (no 2199) says that this commandment is addressed both to those UNDER authority and IN authority.

The fourth commandment is addressed expressly to children in their relationship to their father and mother, because this relationship is the most universal. It likewise concerns the ties of kinship between members of the extended family. It requires honor, affection, and gratitude toward elders and ancestors. Finally, it extends to the duties of pupils to teachers, employees to employers, subordinates to leaders, citizens to their country, and to those who administer or govern it. This commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons.

2. The Family and Society

2.1 Nature of the Family

The Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (no 456; cf CCC 2201-2205, 2249) asks, "What is the nature of the family in the plan of God?" It then explains:

A MAN and a WOMAN united in marriage form a family together with their children. God instituted the family and endowed it with its fundamental constitution. Marriage and the family are ordered to the GOOD OF THE SPOUSES and to the PROCREATION AND EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. Members of the same family establish among themselves personal relationships and primary responsibilities. In Christ the family becomes the DOMESTIC CHURCH because it is a community of faith, of hope, and of charity.

Note the following important points:

to form a family in MARRIAGE, one needs one MAN and one WOMAN;
the reason that it has to be one man and one woman is understood once we see the purpose of marriage explained in this point: namely, (1) the GOOD OF THE SPOUSES; and (2) the PROCREATION AND EDUCATION OF CHILDREN;
the CCC 2203 adds that its members are EQUAL IN DIGNITY;
it becomes a DOMESTIC CHURCH through membership in the Mystical Body of Christ, the Church; this fact is a call and challenge for the family to live the supernatural virtues of faith, hope and charity.

Point 2205 of the CCC connects the task of PROCREATION AND EDUCATION to the fact that the family reflects the inner life of the Blessed Trinity. It also stresses the need for PRAYER and SACRIFICE in the family, and its APOSTOLIC mission.

The Christian family is a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. In the procreation and education of children it reflects the Father's work of creation. It is called to partake of the prayer and sacrifice of Christ. Daily prayer and the reading of the Word of God strengthen it in charity. The Christian family has an evangelizing and missionary task.

2.2 Family and Society

2.2.1 Does the family have a place in society?

The CCCC (no 457; cf CCC 2207-2208) tells us:

The family is the ORIGINAL CELL of human society and is, therefore, PRIOR TO ANY RECOGNITION BY PUBLIC AUTHORITY. Family values and principles constitute the foundation of social life. Family life is an initiation into the life of society.

In the family, a person first learns

moral values
good use of freedom
worship and reverence towards God
care and responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor.

2.2.2 So it deserves to protection and support?

The CCCC (no 458; cf CCC 2209-2213, 2250) affirms that

Society, while respecting the principle of subsidiarity, has the DUTY to support and strengthen marriage and the family. Public authority must RESPECT, PROTECT and FOSTER the true nature of marriage and the family, public morality, the rights of parents, and domestic prosperity.

2.2.3 Like what sort of rights should the family enjoy?

The CCC (no 2211) teaches us:

The political community has a duty to honor the family, to assist it, and to ensure especially:

- the freedom to establish a family, have children, and bring them up in keeping with the family's own moral and religious convictions;

- the protection of the stability of the marriage bond and the institution of the family;

- the freedom to profess one's faith, to hand it on, and raise one's children in it, with the necessary means and institutions;

- the right to private property, to free enterprise, to obtain work and housing, and the right to emigrate;

- in keeping with the country's institutions, the right to medical care, assistance for the aged, and family benefits;

- the protection of security and health, especially with respect to dangers like drugs, pornography, alcoholism, etc.;

- the freedom to form associations with other families and so to have representation before civil authority.

3. What duties do children have towards parents?

The CCCC 459 summarises these duties as follows:

Children owe respect (filial piety), gratitude, docility and obedience to their parents. In paying them respect and in fostering good relationships with their brothers and sisters, children contribute to the growth in harmony and holiness in family life in general. Adult children should give their parents material and moral support whenever they find themselves in situations of distress, sickness, loneliness, or old age.

3.1 Respect and natural affection

The CCC , 2214, explains why parents have the right to be respected and honoured.

The DIVINE FATHERHOOD is the source of human fatherhood [Ephesians 3:14]; this is the FOUNDATION of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother [cf Proverbs 1:8; Tobit 4:3-4] is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God's commandment. [Exodus 20:12]

3.2 Filial piety and gratitude

Point 2215 of the CCC explains:

Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. "With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?" [Ecclesiasticus/Sirach 7:27-28]

3.3 Docility and obedience

Point 2216 of the CCC says:

Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience. "My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching.... When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you" [Proverbs 6:20]. "A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke" [Proverbs 13:1].

And number 2217 adds:

As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord" [Colossians 3:20; cf Ephesians 6:1]. Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

3.4 Responsibility of grown children

The CCC (no 2218) says:

The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude [cf Mark 7:10-12].

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother. [Ecclesiasticus/Sirach 3:2-6]

O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him.... Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord [Ecclesiasticus/Sirach 3:12-13,16].

3.5 Respect between brothers and sisters

The CCC (no 2219) tells us:

Filial respect promotes harmony in all of family life; it also concerns relationships between brothers and sisters. Respect toward parents fills the home with light and warmth. "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged" [Proverbs 17:6]. "With all humility and meekness, with patience, [support] one another in charity" [Ephesians 4:2].

3.6 Gratitude to others

Point 2220 of the CCC adds:

For Christians a special gratitude is due to those from whom they have received the gift of faith, the grace of Baptism, and life in the Church. These may include parents, grandparents, other members of the family, pastors, catechists, and other teachers or friends. "I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you" [II Timothy 1:5].

4. Duties of Parents

The CCCC , in point 460, sums up the duties of parents as follows:

Parents, in virtue of their participation in the fatherhood of God, have the first responsibility for the education of their children and they are the first heralds of the faith for them. They have the duty to love and respect their children as PERSONS and as CHILDREN OF GOD and to provide, as far as is possible, for their physical and spiritual needs. They should select for them a suitable school and help them with prudent counsel in the choice of their profession and their state of life. In particular they have the mission of educating their children in the Christian faith.

4.1 Procreation

The CCC (no 2366), reminds us that the child is the fruit of the love of husband and wife.

Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which "is on the side of life" [Familiaris consortio , 30] teaches that "it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered 'per se' to the procreation of human life" [Humanae vitae, 11]. "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act" [Humanae vitae, 12; cf Pius XI, Encyclical Letter Casti connubii]

The next point (2367) adds:

Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God [cf Ephesians 3:14; Matthew 23:9]. "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility" [Gaudium et Spes, 50, 2]

4.2 Education

4.2.1 Training ground for PERSONAL VIRTUE

The CCC , no 2223 teaches:

Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones" [Centesimus annus, 36, 2] Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

He who loves his son will not spare the rod.... He who disciplines his son will profit by him. [Ecclesiasticus/Sirach 30:1-2]

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. [Ephesians 6:4]

4.2.2 Training ground for SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

The CCC (no 2224) adds:

The home is the natural environment for initiating a human being into solidarity and communal responsibilities. Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies.

4.2.3 Training ground for the FAITH

We are taught by the CCC (nos 2226 and 2227):

Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child's earliest years. This already happens when family members help one another to grow in faith by the witness of a Christian life in keeping with the Gospel. Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God [cf Lumen Gentium 11]. The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents.

Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents [cf Gaudium et Spes 48, 4]. Each and everyone should be generous and tireless in forgiving one another for offenses, quarrels, injustices, and neglect. Mutual affection suggests this. The charity of Christ demands it [cf Matthew 18:21-22; Luke 17:4].

4.3 Respect

Parents should regard their children--INCLUDING THE UNBORN--as creatures made in God's image and likeness. Parents should remember that they have a spiritual soul, that they have a mind and will of their own, and therefore endowed with freedom and responsibility, and worthy of respect as human persons.

Moreover, they must remember that their children are first of all God's children. This means two things. First, that God has a plan for each one and parents must help their children discern in prayer what God expects of them. Secondly, this also means that the heavenly Father cares for every single one of them, "more than all the mothers in the world can love their children," Saint Josemaría Escrivá, the founder of Opus Dei would stress. Thus, the Lord declares in chapter 49 of Isaias:

14 But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, my Lord has forgotten me." 15 "Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. 16 Behold, I have graven you on the palms of my hands.

4.4 Provide for physical and spiritual needs

The CCC (no 2228) states:

Parents' respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.

4.5 Parents' right to choose a school

With regard to the choice of school, the CCC (no 2229) states:

As those first responsible for the education of their children, parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. This right is fundamental. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators [cf Gravissimum educationis 6]. Public authorities have the duty of guaranteeing this parental right and of ensuring the concrete conditions for its exercise.

4.6 Right and duty of children to choose their profession and state of life

The CCC (no 2230) says:

When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.

Furthermore, it says in point 2232:

Family ties are important but not absolute. Just as the child grows to maturity and human and spiritual autonomy, so his unique vocation which comes from God asserts itself more clearly and forcefully. Parents should respect this call and encourage their children to follow it. They must be convinced that the first vocation of the Christian is to follow Jesus: "He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" [Matthew 10:37; cf 16:25].

4.7 How about those who don't get married?

The CCC (no 2231) has this to say:

Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family.

5. Honor for All Who Have Received Authority

Point 2234 of the CCC widens the scope of this commandment to include all authority--either in the civil or the religious sphere:

God's fourth commandment also enjoins us to honor all who for our good have received authority in society from God. It clarifies the duties of those who exercise authority as well as those who benefit from it.

5.1 How should authority be exercised in the various spheres of civil society?

Point 463 of the CCCC (cf CCC 2234-2237, 2254) explains:

Authority should always be exercised as a service, respecting fundamental human rights, a just hierarchy of values, laws, distributive justice, and the principle of subsidiarity. All those who exercise authority should seek the interests of the community before their own interest and allow their decisions to be inspired by the truth about God, about man and about the world.

5.2 What are the duties of citizens in regard to civil authorities?

This is explained by point 464 of the CCCC (cf CCC 2238-2241, 2255)

Those subject to authority should regard those in authority as representatives of God and offer their loyal collaboration for the right functioning of public and social life. This collaboration includes love and service of one's homeland, the right and duty to vote, payment of taxes, the defense of one's country, and the right to exercise constructive criticism.

5.3 When is a citizen forbidden to obey civil authorities?

Regarding this point, the teaching of the Church is clear (CCCC 465; cf CCC 2242-2243, 2256)

A citizen is obliged in conscience not to obey the laws of civil authorities when they are contrary to the demands of the moral order: “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts of the Apostles 5:29).