Resources

If you come across anything useful in your own grief journey, please feel free to share it with us by emailing us. We're always looking for more material that will help grieving parents and family members.

Funeral liturgy, readings and condolence resources:

Believe it or not, very few churches have a service specifically designed for stillbirths or miscarriages. However, one group, in Australia has designed a draft version of one. It's a Word document, and you can access it here.

There are a variety of traditional Bible readings and Psalms. A fairly good compilation of them can be found here.

As yet, we haven't had time to properly research other faiths and the texts and liturgies they may use. If you are able to suggest something to us that we would be able to post here, please do!

This website has hoardes of free templates of condolence letters, sympathy cards, obituaries, poems to read at a funeral, etc. There's very little specifically aimed at a miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death loss, but their templates (e.g. this one) are easily adaptable to your circumstances. They are probably best browsed by a family member rather than by the loss parents as it will require a bit of trawling to find what you need.

Websites & blogs:

1) Tertia Albertyn, who suffered 11 losses (miscarriages and stillbirths) before giving birth to twins after successive IVF treatments, writes a blog of her daily life called So Close. She has also written an autobiographical book of her experiences by the same name.

2) Unexplained Stillbirth Support is an informational website written by a specialist obstetrician and senior lecturer at the Australian National University Medical School in Canberra, Australia.

3) Wikipedia's 'Stillbirth' page takes a very clinical approach, but has a lot of very good information and links.

4) The American National Stillbirth Society has some interesting statistics on stillbirth in the USA, but also has some good links.

5) The Compassionate Friends, an international organisation, have two offices - one in Cape Town, and one in Johannesburg. While their focus is on the death of children (rather than miscarriages, stillbirths or neo-natal deaths) they offer telephonic support and local meetings of support groups to any bereaved parents and family members.

6) International Stillbirth Association is an internationally co-operative group of governmental agencies, charities and other interested parties seeking to understand the causes of stillbirth and neo-natal loss, and find preventions.

7) I spoke with my child is a bereavement website, but they have a fabulous presentation (Powerpoint that is viewed online) on a parent's conversation with their child in heaven.

8) Hygeia is an international website helping bereaved families. It was started by Dr Michael Berman of Yale (USA).

Message boards:

Message boards are online support forums where you can post messages and reply to the messages that others leave. Usually these boards also have the function that allows you to have private conversations (a bit like emails) with members of the community. You can join any or all boards, irrespective of which country you live in. However, be aware that any legal advice or hospital advice is specific to the country of origin.

USA:

1) Babyloss has a forum as well as a lot of other information you may find helpful. - You can view the message board without registering, but you won't be able to post any messages.

2) Fertile Thoughts have two boards: Coping with Pregnancy Loss and Loss of an Infant/ Child, as well as a lot of other very useful parenting, pregnancy and infertility information. You can view the message board without registering, but you won't be able to post any messages.

3) Daily Strength has a forum, but the site is a generalised support group site, so there aren't very many members yet.

UK:

SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) - You cannot read messages posted on the forum unless you register. Registration is free.

South Africa:

The only "board" available is the 'Wall' on our Facebook group 'Born Sleeping'.

Books:

If you do a search on Kalahari, Amazon or a similar shop, you will find more to read than you will have time for! Here are a few that helped us. If you read something else that you found particularly helpful, please do recommend it to us and we'll add it to the list.

"When a baby dies - the experience of late miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death" by Nancy Kohner and Alix Henley. ISBN 0-415-25276-8

"Empty cradle, Broken Heart - surviving the death of your baby" by Deborah L Davis. ISBN 1-55591-302-4

"A Guide for Fathers" by Tim Nelson

"Invisible Earthquake: a woman's journey through stillbirth" by Malika Ndlovu

DVDs:

"The story of Raja" is a powerful, moving DVD presented by Vicki Culling from New Zealand. Raja's family chose to continue his pregnancy in order to have the entire family meet him although he was destined to die.

Music:

"A grateful people" by Watermark. ASIN B000EF5N26. Listen to the track: Glory Baby

 "Walk on" by Kellie Coffey. (Not yet on sale on Kalahari/ Amazon). Watch the music video of the track: I would die for that

"Tears in heaven" by Eric Clapton. ASIN B000006XMA. Watch the music video of the track: Tears in heaven

Poetry:

If you have joined a message board, check it out for poetry. Many mothers are led to write poetry, and often feel the only safe place to share it is on the message board. SANDS has a fantastic collection of stories and poems that is visible to everyone, not just to members. 

"Child of mine" Edgar Guest

"As we remember" - a collection of poems by Agnes Marshall

Poems about the death of a child - collection of poetry from various authors, shared on the site 'The labour of love', but not specifically an infant or baby.

Bereavement Poems and articles has a collection relating to the death of a child, but not specifically an infant or baby.

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