Memory boxes

Remembering, celebrating and honouring the life of your baby

Celebrate the life of your child. Cuddle, hug and kiss your baby as much as you can (you may be restricted in this regard if you want to have your baby autopsied, because tissue damage is rapid after birth). Sing lullabyes to him or her. Hold him on your chest or stomach. You may also choose to help wash and dress your baby in the outfit you chose to take him or her home in, although you may feel too tired and weak to do that. Name your child. Doing these things will bring you a measure of peace in the weeks and months ahead.

Because every child is unique, the way you will choose to remember the life of your baby will also be unique. However, in the rush of the practicalities surrounding the loss of your child, you may find yourself incapable of thinking about how to go about remembering your child.

Many people don't want to have items scattered about their home where they bring constant reminders about their loss. For these people, keeping a memory box is a very useful tool. This is any container, or book, into which items can be placed that you can look at whenever you choose to. These could include:

• Footprints: Similar to taking fingerprints, but using your baby's feet instead. Roll or paint ordinary ink or paint onto your baby's feet and then press them onto a piece of card. You can get the hospital staff to help you.
• Photographs: Take as many photographs as you can - of your baby, of you with your baby, of other family members with your baby.
• Lock of hair: Cut a lock of hair if your baby is born with hair (not all are).
• Keepsakes: any item that is linked to your baby - the ultrasound scan photographs, a teddy, an item of clothing, a special blanket
• Birth cards & tags: Keep and frame the information card the hospital fills in for new births.
• Condolence notes: While it may seem macabre to some, others value having these notes to look back on and read through in the weeks and months following their loss.

In addition to keeping a memory box, you might like to do one of the following:

• plant a tree
• comission a work of art (or create your own if you are in any way creative)
• write a poem or song
• create a remembrance website
• hold a memorial service or funeral
• invite friends to donate to a children's charity or local children's hospital in the name of your child
• pay for a remembrance bench in a local park
• release balloons on the anniversary

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