REFLECTION: VENERABLE MICHAEL FARAGHER

Dear Friends

In today’s gospel, Jesus tells us that we should forgive each other 77 times. In the Bible, numbers always have specific meanings and indirect references that would have been familiar to Jesus’ audience. To number something as ‘seven’ is to describe it as being perfect. When we hear Jesus using this phrase we recall the story of the seven days of creation in Genesis, where, on the seventh day, God looks at the result of his creative love and sees that it is very good. Jesus using some shorthand, says that not only is forgiveness “good”, but that is is a creative act that gives life to the world and gives glory to those who exercise it.

It’s easy to be forgiving in the big picture. We can talk enthusiastically about war, peace, reconciliation, social justice. It can be quite another thing to forgive those closest to us. Sometimes the hardest place to be compassionate and just is in our own homes. If there is a husband, wife, child, parent, sibling, friend or member of our community with whom we are not speaking, then today’s Gospel presents a strong challenge to us right where we live.

Paul’s epistle to the Romans was a source of great disagreement in the Reformation church. The status quo held that it was only intended for the Roman church at the time of Paul’s writing. (Elsewhere in his letter Paul advises that bishops and deacons should be married and have families - not a popular sentiment in the 16th century church), while Luther and the other reformers advocated that its message and intent was universal. There is a certain irony that this letter itself caused so much acrimony and disagreement. Conflict happens in congregations that are alive. It isn’t a sign of failure. The Bible is full of stories of conflict, but many congregations seem to believe that having conflict is bad. This in turn creates dangerous expectations. Any time change is introduced, there will be conflict, anytime the congregation grows…..any time it declines…..or stays the same….In any Christian community, the hopeful possibilities present in conflict will only be realised when we deal with tension in a productive way.

Learning how to act productively in the face of tension is a skill. It requires more than listening to a sermon or reading a reflection. It requires practice, feedback, and more practice. In the face of high levels of conflict, I know that bad things will happen. People will be hurt, lives will be disrupted. In the face of such challenges we should start looking for opportunity. On of the consequences of believing in the resurrection is that God can bring good out of bad, growth out of suffering, life out of death. Where are the people like Peter whose denial can be forgiven and who can become leaders? Or the people like Paul, who can turn from a life of vicious religious persecution (let’s face it, today he would have been called a terrorist) and become one of the greatest servants of Jesus, whom he initially despised?

Looking for the opportunity in the face of conflict requires imagination. We must look beyond the current moment and catch a glimpse of what God is doing in the world. Finding opportunity in the face of conflict is an act of faith. In congregations, most of our conflict is not based in disagreements over our values. Most of the time, people in church share much more in common than those beliefs or practices over which they disagree. Conflict is often focused on ”having my way”. Once we turn from our interests to God’s concerns there is an opportunity to unite.

Some of you might be of an age to have seen that mawkish but extremely popular Hollywood film “Love Story”, with its tagline which resonated throughout the decade, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”. As worthwhile advice which has come to us out of popular culture, this sentiment is on a par with “Yabadabadoo”, and yet I am frequently both fascinated and appalled at how ingrained this idea has become. Wedding couples used to scare me by saying something like, “we don’t have to worry about our relationship- my partner always knows what I’m thinking”. The problem with the idea of “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is that is simply not Christian. For followers of Jesus the exact opposite is true. We seek opportunities to forgive and we look to those we have offended to ask for their forgiveness.

Jesus doesn’t tell us that forgiveness is easy, just necessary. To forgive someone in our family, workplace, our circle of friends, or in our church is not to pretend that a sinful and hurtful situation did not occur, but to face it head-on and demand justice with compassion.

I still wish conflict would go away. I still wish that my wife and family and congregation were always happy and I would never have to work out if I was the cause of their unhappiness. Yet, I know that such wishes are a fantasy. Experience and faith teaches us that unhappiness and tension are facts of life in relationships. Such feelings are actually signs of hope and vitality if seen through the eyes of faith. May it be so for the tensions and conflict that you experience. For when we stand before God with the weakness and sinfulness of our own life, God will not settle old scores, take revenge and exact retribution. Rather, God will be perfectly just and completely compassionate. When we choose forgiveness over revenge and love over hate, we begin to glimpse God’s creative goodness coming to perfection in us, because forgiveness is a participation in the very heart of God.

Fr Michael Faragher

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