Dear Jeremy, 

I would just like to tell you a story…

I watched the Beans, or “Humans”  as they called them back in the mortal days, rush down the street, their faces red with . Heh, peasant. Scrapping for food.

How hilariously funny it is to see them picking around, snuffling like some snobby little — AH, well the insult is human, now…

 The Human picked up a loaf of dry, dry, bread. So dry I could see dust blowing off the slice from a mile away. I turned my beak slightly to see him. IMBICILE...  he’ll need water with that, in an hour he’ll be begging for water– or forgiveness–  from the Gobbler.  The human saw me and scurried away. I turned to Felipe and asked when I would expect my gown to be finished. I have to be ready for the Hen Gala, the most extravagant and ceremonious Gala in the world. Today would be a special one. It’s Meleagris’ last year as a Gobbler. Next Turki Dae will be my start of the year to rule. Well, once they vote for me at autumn Gaggle. 

    ***

It is typical for the new High Gobble, or Gobbler  to pick a pet of some sorts to represent them as a Gobble. Meleagris chose Sir David Attenborough, because he accompanied him in his journey to success (also known as the apocalypse) Is there greater privilege for a human to become the Gobble’s pet? I had it set in my mind. I would select Benjamin Franklin to become my pet. Yes, he’s dead, but it wasn't hard to bring him back. I just dropped off his rotting body at the closest “lab” or whatever they’re calling it these days, and in a few hours, he was good as new. He never complained or resisted being my pet. No humans nowadays resisted. Not after 49 Turki Dae’s ago. When Meleagris overcame death, and the human population. 

        ***

It all started on that fateful Thursday…. Though it was almost 50 years ago, -yes I am that old- I remember it clearly— ‘Your gown is ready’ Felipe’s voice rang through my ears as it always had, and I saw the bright sparkle of iridescent jewels and sequins sprinkling in my mind before I even glanced at my designer gown worn formerly by Hennifer Aniston… I loved the smell of riches. Especially vintage riches. It felt like fire. (vintage fire) I could BURN THOSE SEQUINS, but I’d rather not, they cost quite a lot of seeds and I’m late on rent this month. 

Either way,  I realise I would rather not go into detail about what happened on that Turki Dae 49 years ago. It would require intense training, mental preparation, and attempting to learn a new language. 

Sincerely, High Gobble,

  and Benjamin

P.S. Yes! They have voted for me at the autumn Gaggle, AND Benjamin typed the letter for me if you’re wondering how I would type with my elegant feathers covering the "typer." Benny also left a note for you here at the bottom. He has asked me not to read it. (I think it is a love letter)

Dear Jeremy,

And, courteous Reader,

'I have heard that nothing gives an author so great pleasure, as to find his works respectfully quoted by other learned authors. This pleasure I have seldom enjoyed; for tho' I have been, if I may say it without vanity, an eminent author of almanacs annually now a full quarter of a century, my brother authors in the same way, for what reason I know not, have ever been very sparing in their applauses; and no other author has taken the least notice of me, so that did not my writings produce me some solid pudding, the great deficiency of praise would have quite discouraged me.'

Yes, I have asked for an almanac. High Gobble will not let me have one, but I need one so I can sell it and make some money and get out of here. 

Sincerely, Benny

P.S. Help. send almanac or an envelope of cash please.