In January, our 2nd and 3rd graders learned about the Circle of Control, a tool that helps students understand which problems they can change and which problems they cannot. This lesson supports emotional regulation, problem-solving, and resilience.
We began by talking about the idea that everyone has problems sometimes, but not all problems are the same. Some are in our control, and some are out of our control.
What Does “In My Control” Mean?
Students learned that something is in their control if:
They caused it or could have prevented it
They can change it or make a different choice next time
Examples discussed in class included:
Choosing not to do schoolwork and then struggling on a test
Tipping back in a chair and getting hurt
Throwing an object and breaking something
Choosing to take deep breaths instead of yelling when angry
These examples helped students see how their choices matter and how changing their actions can lead to better outcomes.
What Does “Out of My Control” Mean?
Students also learned that some things are out of their control, meaning:
They didn’t cause it
They can’t change it
They have to focus on how they handle it instead
Examples included:
A sibling leaving toys on the floor
A classmate taking a ball at recess
Someone else getting in trouble and affecting the whole group
A balloon popping unexpectedly
We talked about how these situations can feel frustrating, but blaming ourselves or getting stuck on them doesn’t help.
Thinking Through Real-Life Scenarios
Students practiced identifying what was in and out of control through stories and scenarios. For example, they discussed a situation where a student was excited about a new puppy and struggled to follow directions at school. Together, students identified:
What the student could control (choices and behavior)
What the student could not control (events at home or adult decisions)
This helped students separate feelings from responsibility.
What Students Learned
By the end of the lesson, students understood:
Not everything that happens is their fault
They are responsible for their choices and reactions
Focusing on what they can control helps them feel calmer and more confident
When something is out of their control, they can still choose how to respond
Reflection Questions
Students reflected on:
One thing they can control at home
One thing they can control at school
What they can try when a problem is out of their control
These reflections helped students connect the lesson to their daily lives.
Try This at Home
You can support this skill by asking:
“Is that something in your control or out of your control?”
“What part of this can you change?”
“What can help you handle something you can’t control?”
The Circle of Control helps children build responsibility, flexibility, and emotional strength, skills they will use for a lifetime.