Thank you for filling out the parent outreach survey. I received 35 responses that helped me plan the 2022-23 Parent Workshop Series.

Highlights from the Survey:

• Stress management and mental health were the most in demand topics

• Growth mindset was also something many of you wanted to learn more about. You can visit the Growth Mindset section on this website, and my favorite resource is Big Life Journal.

• The Gift of Failure was by far the most popular book talk choice (47%)

• 68% of parents wanted Mindful Meetups to return. If you have other topics you want me to cover we can customize those meetups, as often it's a small group of 2-5 parents

• 79% prefer Zoom workshops in the evening. I will be hosting one onsite workshop after drop off this year to test that out for the 21% of parents that would prefer that option.

• If there are topics that you do not see represented here, please reach out and I'm happy to talk to parents on an individual basis. The best way to reach me is via email at kyeh@rcsdk8.net

NSA Parent Wellness Survey Results

FAQs About Mental Health Supports at NSA

1. Question: Can you check in with a counselor about more specific issues?

Answer: Yes. Please reach out to Kristi Yeh, Mental Health Counselor (kyeh@rcsdk8.net) or Gina Sitte, School Counselor (gsitte@rcsdk8.net) to talk about individual concerns and/or questions.

2. Question: How can I encourage my child to get mental health support even when it’s not a crisis? How can I decrease the stigma around mental health support?

Answer: Although kids may want us to think they aren’t listening, they are watching us and what we think and how we act matters. If you are seeing a therapist or have in the past, share that with your child (note: focus more on getting support versus the details of why so that your children aren’t worried about taking care of your feelings). Let them know that you believe humans aren’t meant to do life alone, and that it takes strength to ask for help. Even if you haven’t worked with a mental health provider, model asking for help at home, work, etc. You can also use current events to open us the discussion, such as Simone Biles at the Olympics.

Kids can get mental health support in various places. Some children are more comfortable seeing a therapist at school, and others are not. There is less privacy at school because counselors/therapists interact with many students in a variety of ways, and kids often know who the school counselors are. Your child may be more comfortable seeing someone outside of school, such as at an agency or with a private practice clinician. Other children find therapy less intimidating if it happens at school, because it’s a familiar environment and it feels like another part of school support. Empowering your child by giving them a choice about how and where they access support is beneficial.

3. Question: What about support groups for parents of neuroatypical children?

Answer: Due to confidentiality and comfort of the students and their peer relationships, we will not be running a group onsite for parents of children related to a specific issue.

Here are some wonderful resources for parents to access in community:

• Parents Helping Parents (Parents Helping Parents, San Jose). Here are some more resources for parents of children with special needs.

• SELPA Parent and Community resources (San Mateo County Special Education Local Plan Area)

• Stanford's Autism Spectrum Disorders Parent Education and Support Program

• Children’s Health Council for parent workshops and groups

4. Question: Is there support for raising tween boys and navigating puberty?

Answer: While I won’t be hosting a workshop about this topic, some of this is touched upon in the transition to middle school presentation. I also put together some puberty resources for parents.

Stanford also offers online classes about this topic and more. To learn more about the online class, The Chat: Boys Bodies and Beyond.

Book recommendations:

• Boys Guide to Becoming a Teen: Getting Used to Life in Your Changing Body by the American Medical Association

• The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls by Valerie Schaefer + Josee Masse

• How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (general book about keeping the lines of communication open)

5. Question: Is there more information about helping middle schoolers navigate the social scene?

Answer: You can always meet with Kristi or Gina individually for support, and here are some articles and books that might be useful as well.

Website recommendations:

• 6 Ways to help your child thrive socially in middle school by Phyllis Fagel

• Wait Until 8th Social Media Campaign

Book recommendations:

• Social Fortune or Social Fate: A Social Thinking Manga-Style Map for Social Quest Seekers by Pamela Crooke and Michelle Garcia Winner (navigate 10 common scenarios for tweens and teens and see how the graphic novel turns out if you do what’s expected or what’s unexpected)

• Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond--and How Parents Can Help by Phyllis Fagell

• 3 Books to ease the transition to middle school (for kids) by Jennifer Hubert Swan

• Middle School Years Without Tears: Getting Ready by Lizbeth Jenkins-Dale (for parents)

6. Question: How much should I be checking my child’s homework?

Answer: Wisdom from school counselor extraordinaire Gina Sitte!

It's important to recognize that there's no one right answer because every child is different.

General Homework Structure for Different Grade Levels

Consider this: on average, your child will have about 10 minutes of homework per grade level daily, ie. 30 minutes for a 3rd grader and 80 or 90 min. for an 8th grader. Weekends should be for make-up work and reading only, with exception for 8th grade Algebra, which is a HS level class.

Questions to Ask Yourself as Parents

• Is my child taking much more than 10 minutes per grade level, or much less?

• Are they able to show me where to find their assignments posted and are they doing well tracking what they need to do and budgeting their time?

• Do they seem to struggle with the work or are they breezing through?'

If You Are Concerned About Academics

If you feel like there are areas of concern, you might want to get a little more involved as needed, but work towards the goal of as much independence as possible. And by the time they are mid-6th grade, they should be mostly independent. If not, check in with the child's teacher or school counselor (Gina Sitte) for support. And if they seem to have it under control, do check in with them, but let them take on the responsibility themselves. Hovering too much can send a message that you don't think they can be trusted or that they can't manage their own learning, and that might foster dependence on you or others.

Some General Tips:

• Help your child figure out the routine, environment and time management skills they need to do their own work instead of you doing it for them. Get some wonderful tips from Gina Sitte on the counseling website, “Let’s Get Organized!”

• Engage them in what they are excited about in school

• If your child struggles with regrouping after a setback, consider having them create a growth mindset homework corner (it can be a fun and creative way for them to express themselves and take ownership of their studies)

• Check in with our school counselor Gina Sitte for more information or specific questions

You might also enjoy reading The Homework Dilemma: How Much Should Parents Get Involved by EducationWorld.com.

If you need a little encouragement to “let go,” try listening to Julie Lythcott-Haims TED Talk or reading the book, How to Raise an Adult: Breakfree of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.

7. Question: Any advice on gaming for my middle school kids?

Answer: A wonderful resource is Dr. Rachel Kowert. Dr. Kowert is a research psychologist that studies topics relating to the uses and effects of digital games, including the impact on physical, social, and psychological well-being. She is the author of numerous books, including A Parent's Guide to Video Games. Dr. Kowert busts some scary myths (with the research to back it up) about gaming and our youth, while also making sure parents do their due diligence to research what games are age-appropriate and get to know what your kids are doing online (eg. join their world and show interest in their games of choice, set appropriate boundaries, etc.). More to come in this year's Tweens + Tech presentation!

Gaming Support:

• Common Sense Media to learn about game ratings

• Common Sense Media to set ground rules for tech use

• Dr. Rachel Kowert’s YouTube channel

• A Parent’s Guide to Video Games by Dr. Rachel Kowert