August 4, 2018
Modern Men Lack True Friends
August 4, 2018 – Chris Parker
Many men lack true friends in today’s culture. Studies show that large numbers of men lack close friendships, which is correlated with less happiness, more depression, more loneliness, poorer health and shorter life spans. Friendship matters and there is a crisis in male friendship.
Modern culture confuses masculine friendship. Male friendship is portrayed as shallow, good-times focused, comically “manly” or encouragingly homosexual. Rather than seek real friends, many men are retreating into virtual worlds of computer games and “Facebook friends”.
The causes of the male friendship crisis are many. Friendships do not thrive in smaller, more mobile families that have increasing levels of divorce. There has been a long-term dramatic fall in men’s social involvement in church, civic and social groups. Work pressures reduce men’s social time and working wives require men to help pick up the slack in parenting. Men are distracted from building friendships due to a huge media smorgasbord of TV, video games and the internet. The increasing self-obsessed narcissistic modern culture has not taught the virtue of self-giving friendship.
“Men who are isolated are prone to all sorts of mental health problems – anxiety and depression, Catholic psychologist Dr. Jim Langley told CNA. “Specifically…men who are isolated are much more prone to addiction to pornography.”
Matthew Schaefer, director of student development at Franciscan University of Steubenville, agreed. “I am the best man I can be when I have strong male friendships. We hear in Scripture that ‘iron sharpens iron,’ and so it is with men. When men engage in true friendships – and by this I mean more than spending time together playing sports or video games – they can encourage one another toward holiness.”
But secular culture is struggling to foster this type of friendship, Dr. Langley said, “because an authentic friendship with men, in some ways, needs to be reinvented.”
Friendships Through Christ
In ancient times, Aristotle stressed the importance of friendship, categorizing the types of friendships by their purpose: friends that gather for good times, friends where there is mutual utility (e.g. business, shared goals) and friends that seek of the good for each other. (St. Thomas) Aquinas makes it clear that the highest good is eternal good and that Christian friendships are thus a superior form of human friendships. The Church teaches that friendship with Jesus is the highest form of friendship (CCC 142) and that those who die in friendship with God can be assured of salvation (CCC 1030).
Men can find true friendship with Jesus Christ, the Divine Friend and by building communio with other men who together share commitment to Christ. There are no substitutes for friendship with Jesus and no human friendship is complete without Christ.
Jesus Christ – Divine Friend
Jesus Christ’s friendship comforts men and teaches them how to build Christ-centered friendships:
Jesus longs for friendship with others –Jesus seeks friends, spending three days in the Temple, calling the Twelve and tirelessly travels to meet and build friendships. He seeks the comfort of His close friends in the Garden of Gethsemane.
He serves His friends – Jesus responds to the needs of His close friends including healing Peter’s mother in law, raising Lazarus from the dead. Jesus saves the disciples in the storm, defends them from the Pharisees, washes their feet and protects them when He is arrested at Gethsemane.
He corrects and teaches his friends – Several occasions stand out: forcefully correcting/cautioning Peter about Satan (Matt 16:23), explaining the parables to the disciples (Mark 4:10-20), allowing Peter to sink in the storm (Matt 14:31), calling Judas “friend” even as Judas betrays Him (Matt 26:50) and forgiving/reconciling with Peter after his denial (John 21:15-19).
He emphasizes prayer with friends – Jesus demonstrates the importance of prayer through His own practice (e.g. Gethsemane), teaches about prayer (e.g. Sermon on the Mount), promises to be present when friends gather in prayer (Matt 18:20) and gives them the Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13).
Practicing Catholic men inspire one another toward virtue - men who befriend fellow pilgrims along the way, have others who encourage them in times of trial, celebrate their triumphs, and continue the journey together.
As Catholic men, we have a universal call to holiness. We are called to be saints and we cannot do it alone. We need Jesus Christ and the power of His grace through the sacraments – most especially the power of His Real Presence in the Eucharist. And we need each other.
Conclusion
The purpose of this group is to help each other grow closer to Christ and to foster authentic friendships with other Catholic men. The goal is to build one other up in virtue, strength, and love. We must remember that the battle is not “against flesh and blood” but against the enemy of our souls. The call to be a saint is difficult but Christ is with us. He gives us His Church to strengthen us with the Sacraments and He gives us each other to build up the Body of Christ.
The comments above are based on excerpts taken from the following articles:
http://www.catholicmannight.com/uncategorized/jesus-christ-divine-friend/
http://www.catholicstand.com/importance-manly-christian-friendship/
Questions
Do you think it is difficult in today’s culture to have authentic Christian friendships?
What is the greatest obstacle to developing these kinds of friendships? How can we overcome it?
How can you grow closer to Christ and allow Him to help you find strong male friends?