Storytelling: Growth

There is a point in everyone's life when they witness an instance, experience a phenomenon, or are involved in an event that will have a profound impact on their life for years to come. My event was growing up as a black girl in a non black populated area dealing with exclusion and self hatred due to my skin color, but these stories within the event molded me into the woman I am today.

Exclusion is bound to be found in every friendship whether it is an accident or on purpose, it happens. As I went onto middle school I began to surround myself with a group of friends, most of them asian. We seemed to all have a good relationship, healthy and happy. Growing I did realize there were no black girls in my group because with my friends I assumed skin color didn’t have play time when it came down to us. To my dismay it eventually did. My highschool career began with my same friend group, it seemed as if nothing had changed. We were happy until 10th grade of highschool. They began to stop inviting me to outings, created new group chats, and began to not wave to me as I passed by. Although I am not quick to call someone racist I began to figure out they were doing the same to a non-asian group member and soon figured it out. I began to fall into a pit of worry wondering if I could've done better to make the friendship last but had to deal with fact that I was alone.

As my friend group moved on from me I tried to make new ones, but as we know finding friends in high school is one of the toughest things to accomplish as everyone already has their set group. I began my junior year quite alone, I’d try to sit with other groups but it just wouldn’t feel right. I would end up sitting in the corner of the choir room at lunch or in the library pretending to study, head hid behind the computer feeling shameful. Forcing myself into new friend groups made me feel even worse. As I grew in my senior year I began to focus on the product of all this. Me being black... and then I began to hate that. I began to not like myself, I wondered what was so wrong with me that people didn’t care for me. After all that thinking I began to realize how beneficial being alone is.

Finding comfort within being by yourself is an amazing accomplishment. All that time alone gave me time to realize how blessed I truly am to be black. Not to mention it gave me time to focus and better myself. I learned to love my skin color and surround myself with people who look like me but not limit my friend group to just a certain skin color. My confidence began to radiate throughout myself. All in all I began to love myself, and push myself to be the best I could ever be and that is because of the struggles I had gone through in the past. Taking time out to care for myself and love myself all thanks to the group of girls who left me behind.

In the beginning it seemed like a tragedy, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I ended up gaining immense self love and knowledge on my well being. I began a more confident senior year and probably a more confident life. I am grateful for the ones who abandoned me in my past and still greet them when I see them because although it was painful, the outcome was indescribable.